Stay at Home Mommy Daze

Cablevision - Before and After

2011-02-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

As you know, we've been redoing our apartment; fresh paint, new furniture and our latest purchase, new flat screens. We had Cablevision come in to swap out our old boxes for high def ones and add two additional lines, one for each of the kids rooms. Unfortunately for us, they sent out a field technician last Saturday who clearly had no clue of what he was doing and as a result, made a complete eye sore, mess, safety hazard of our apartment.

He had 3 cables coming from our living room window. He should have had one and spliced the other lines behind our computer terminal. This is how he left it; unit dangling with two cables secured down to the rug and the third left unattached. You can see the third, unattached line running down from our window, across the living room floor to our tv set. Who does this? Who thinks this is acceptable? Little kids or clumsy mommies tripping over the cables = safety hazard! Aside from that, no one in their right mind would want their living room to look like this.

As you can see by the following pictures, none of the cables were secured down in any of the rooms.

Not even Ava's room. He's got this cable running out in the middle of her carpet.

Ok, so he did manage to staple these cables down in her room.

Directly into a working drawer in our built in closet!

Cablevision said they'd send someone out to look over and repair the damages but not until 5 days later. The window they gave me for this past Thursday was 10am to 8pm. Don't tell me they weren't screwing with us. I sat here and waited for cable to come all day long. Luke missed one of his little classes, then I missed Kickboxing and Ava missed her dance class after school that day. On top of that, I needed to send Ava to aftercare until I finally asked a neighbor to wait around for Cablevision while I picked her up because aftercare only runs for so many hours. Cablevision never showed up until 8:30pm Thursday evening.

When they finally arrived, the new technicians could not believe their eyes. One of the guys said he's NEVER seen anything like that before,acknowledges that it was a complete eyesore and a danger to the 5 and 2 year old little kids running around here. The other said he was "speechless."

I truly don't believe that they believed us when we called to complain. We've probably been documented by customer service as "Difficult Customers." Hence the 10 hour window they didn't even abide by.

It took the new guys an hour and a half to fix the first technicians mess. These guys were great and totally knew what they were doing. It's a shame we had to go through all of this to begin with though.

This is how our apartment should have looked when the first technician left last Saturday.

Note the nice and neat, securely fastened single cable line running from our living room window.

You will also notice the absence of the long white 3rd cable dangling free from the window and stretching down the middle of the living room floor over to the tv set.

There are no more cables attached to our built in closet.

The cable in my daughter's room no longer runs down the middle of her floor. It has been moved and run over the molding. It blends so well you can't even see it in this picture.

Our apartment renovations have surely been an experience. It's frustrating to me that you can't count on things being done correctly the first time, but aside from that, our apartment now ROCKS so it was worth it.
Now on to our kitchen make-over.

Oh Please, Let ME Get That

2011-02-02T12:14:00.000-08:00

So, my doorbell rings this afternoon and I buzz the UPS guy in. Most of the packages that I've ordered from QVC were schedule to arrive today and I was really excited to see my purchases. He arrives at my door with 3 boxes and notifies me that there's a 4th package downstairs. "Can you get that?" He asks. "That way I don't have to come back up the stairs." He goes on and says, "It's just a rug."

Oh, just a rug. Just the 5x7 wool rug I ordered? Don't worry Mr. UPS - MAN, no need to strain yourself by walking up the stairs with ALL of my packages. Let ME get that for YOU. Sounds great! Just need to grab my coat and shoes. The kids will be fine if I leave them alone. They're 5 and 2. They're perfectly capable of minding themselves. You know what, next time why don't you just ring the bell and wait outside. Or better yet, just wait inside your truck and beep. I'll come out, hop on the truck and load the dolly myself. Don't want to cause you any trouble.

So I say to him, "Yes, sure, my husband will get it."

QVC - Crack for the Midnight Snacker's Soul

2011-02-02T03:48:00.000-08:00

I love QVC. That's it, I'm hooked. Hooked on Mally Cosmetics, hooked on Lock & Lock's containers, hooked on Temp-tations, in fact I'm tempted, get it tempted, to buy another set that will go with my green one. It's so pretty.

My mom bought me the Prepology 5 piece nonstick colored paring knife set as one of my Christmas gifts. It rocks.

Just bought myself a Dyson, a beautiful handmade Royal Palace Damask rug, Liz Claiborne luxury 400 thread count sheets and gorgeous Liz Claiborne platinum poppy comforter and shams to go with. Oh, and some bedroom curtains too. All in one week. Stephen is going to be thrilled once he sees all of my bargains. He usually tells me that I hoard the money. Boy will he be happy when he finds out. I feel like my Aunt Dolly must have, staying up 'til 3am, at the after party following our wedding reception. Unleashed!

Easy pay? You mean to tell me that I can buy my Dyson vacuum cleaner today and you'll ship it out this week for 5 equal monthly payments of $106 and change? Who was the genius that invented that? Love it!

It's become my go-to channel when nothing else I'm interested in is on. I like to watch it even if I'm not interested in buying what they're selling. Stephen came into the bedroom the other day and asked, "Why do you keep watching this?" He seemed annoyed. I don't understand. Everyone's doing it.

My mother's hooked, my sister's hooked too. In fact, my sister was just telling me that now, instead of snacking when she wakes in the middle of the night, she just flips on QVC and buys something. It's like crack for the midnight snacker's soul. I actually just called her to ask if it would be ok to share that story with all of you and she said, and this is a direct quote, "It's so bad, I just bought a sweater last night and I have 5 other packages in route to my apartment this week." It must be so nice to come home to presents though, right? It's like Christmas everyday.

Even little Ava girl is getting in on the QVC action. This Summer, while watching QVC's Santa's Toy Shop segment, Ava spied a doll baby she couldn't do without. I told her to put it on her list for Santa. That always satisfies her. All of a sudden I hear, "Mommy, mommy, call Santa quick! There are only 1200 baby dolls left!" Naturally, I immediately ran upstairs and called "Santa" to place my order. "He" said that rest-assured, the new baby doll would arrive at Grandma's in 5-7 days. Thanks Santa!

Any other QVC addicts out there? What are your favorite brands?

Apartment Makeover

2011-01-30T13:04:00.000-08:00

I'm really looking forward to getting our apartment done. It's almost all painted with the exception of the kitchen and bathroom which will be completed this week. Our new couches are gorgeous. I'm really glad that we went for them. The length of time it's been taking to get everything done is frustrating though. The delivery guys broke the bunk beds we ordered and left without me knowing. They actually broke the support rack for the wood planks that support my daughter's mattress and left without saying one word about it. They actually had to hide the wood that split in one of their bags to haul it out of here so I wouldn't know.

Raymour and Flanigan is replacing the whole thing as well as throwing in a free Bunkie Board for our troubles, so that's cool, however I'm sickened by the fact that two grown men would break part of the support of a child's bed and have the ability to walk away and stash the evidence without saying a word. I also can't stand the fact that our one week old bunk beds are going to have to be hauled away and replaced, after the rooms the delivery men will be hauling them in and out of, have been freshly painted. It's ridiculous.

Same kind of nonsense with Cablevision. The technician came out yesterday to run lines for 4 high definition boxes/flat screens and screwed everything up to the point that his supervisor will be coming this week to observe exactly what's been done. Nothing that can't be fixed, but again senseless.

Is everyone out there incompetent? Why does everything need to be done twice? It's frustrating.

Once we get through this week and are able to get things back in order in the living room and bedrooms, I'm going to feel a lot better. We can then focus on all of the fun stuff and finishing touches like artwork and lamps. I'm looking forward to that. All that's left will be the kitchen furniture and hopefully we'll decide on what we want by Winter's end.

When we first got the apartment the place was a complete wreck. So much had to be done to make it clean and safe to move our then 1 1/2 year old Ava in. Coats and Coats of paint, the ripping up of the old floors and replacing them with new. All of this stuff needed to be done within a 4 week period, enough time to make the place safe and clean, not enough time to personalize anything. Now, we're finally making the apartment ours and that feels really good and I absolutely love all of the choices we've made so far, from furniture to paint.

The 2010 Gingerbread Competition

2010-12-31T06:18:00.000-08:00

Last year my family decided to start an annual Christmas themed decorating competition. See my cleverly worded blog post entitled, Competition, to view the magnificent Rice Krispies Treats Christmas houses we decorated last year.

This year's challenge was to see who could come up with the most creative Gingerbread boy and girl.

We had a huge assortment of candy to work with; colored Twizzlers, sprinkles, raisins, marshmallows and M&M's to name a few.

After two hours and 15 minutes of decorating. I kid you not. Here are our creations:

Grandma's

My brother, Uncle Johnny's

Ava's

Mine
Instead of staying up North for the Holidays, my Gingerbread couple decided to get away from it all and headed down to Miami. Unfortunately, my Gingerbread-boy was mistakenly identified by some as Baby New Year.

Perhaps I should have honed my bathing suit making skills before deciding on my theme.

My Sister, Aunt Joannie's

Joanne decided to make her Gingerbread people in the likeness of our mom and dad. There they both are in their glasses, mom in her housecoat, and dad, "the shop-a-holic", with trusty Macy's bag in hand!

Joanne once again, was the clear-cut winner. Well, aside from Ava that is ;)

This Christmas

2010-12-23T13:22:00.000-08:00

My uncle's memorial service was yesterday. He's gone and everything has changed. It's hard to accept so I keep focused on other things. The Holidays and other personal events have kept my mind occupied.  When all is quiet though the sadness creeps it's way back in. My throat is sore from the lump in it.

My Grandmother, whose name was Filomena, and Grandfather or Pop Pop, named Joseph, had two children. My mom and my Uncle Francis. My uncle couldn't say Antoinette growing up so he just called her Sister. It stuck and now my aunt and all four cousins call her sister too. Luke calls Ava sister. I like that.

My mom and Uncle Fran grew up in New York City until the ages of nine and six when my Pop Pop moved the family to Long Island. Their entire family lived in New York City, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and I learned yesterday that the fact that my Grandfather moved my Grandma and the kids all the way to Plainview, really pissed my Grandma's mother off.

My Pop Pop was a kind-hearted gentleman and he made sure that he picked my Grandma's mother up every Friday night and returned her back home to the city every Sunday so she could come out to Long Island each weekend to spend time with her daughter and grandchildren. My great-grandma refused to talk to him during those long car rides. Not a word in either direction. I learned that this went on for a long, long time but it never stopped my Grandfather from picking her up. That was just the kind of guy he was.

My uncle was not the kind of guy who would stand for that but his heart was big all the same. He'd do anything for his family and his friends. He was loved. He was very successful and highly respected within his industry and many of his colleagues spoke at his service yesterday.   My uncle was a real jokester so it was really fun to hear about his escapades. I remember one Christmas when I was a little girl, Uncle Fran picked out an archery set for my cousin Francis and then hand-painted a t-shirt with a bulls eye on it for my cousin Sal. His friends shared many similar stories yesterday, and I enjoyed hearing them all.

I had never been to a memorial service before. Been to plenty of wakes and funerals but never seen it done this way before and it was a true celebration of him and his life.  He was loved very much by so many and it was nice to hear the stories his friends and my cousins and his grandchildren shared about him.

Christmas is in a couple days and my aunt and cousins and their families will all be at my parents house to celebrate and it's all because of him. Christmas is a big deal in our family and being Italian, Christmas Eve is just huge. We go all out with all of the pasta and the fish sauces.  It's so much fun. I love our traditions. It was very important to him that the family be together at Christmas time and right before he even found out he was sick, he bought plane tickets for my cousins and their families to fly to the East coast so we could all be together at my parents house this year.  I'm grateful to him to be able to spend this Christmas with my aunt and my cousins and their families because I love them all so much.   The greatest gift we'll get this year are the memories we'll make as a family, all because of him. Thank you Uncle Francis. Nothing will ever be the same without him though and the thought of never seeing him again, makes me incredibly sad.

There are so many thoughts swirling in my head. So much I wanted to write.  We just went to this yearly celebration at Ava's school called Kuumba Day. Kuumba (koo-OOM-bah), is the 6th principle of Kwanzaa; Creativity, To do as much as we can to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than when we inherited it. A couple of the Kindergarten moms are very talented musicians and they came up with the idea of adding a drum circle to the festivities. My friend was excited to find out how well their concept for the drum circle was received and to learn the school was going to incorporate it on a yearly basis. I thought in that moment how very cool it was that my friends idea, therefore a part of them, would remain a part of the school forever. Children attending the school, far beyond their children's years in the school, will be positively impacted and inspired by something they created.  The children will not know who was responsible for creating the drum circle, but the positive effects and the joy their creation brings, will be felt all the same.

My Uncle lives on in the recipes and techniques which inspired an industry. He lives on in the thoughts of all of all who loved him, he lives on in our hearts. He lives on in the stories and the memories we all will share and pass on from generation to generation.

We live on in our communities. Everyone might not know our names, and we may not be easily identified in our contributions, but the fact remains that we live on in all that we touch. In all that we share. In all that we do.  It is in the seemingly small that the greatest contributions and impacts are made. It's in the sharing of our ideas and in the support we give our community members that make a difference. It's in all that we've done to lend a helping hand, to positively impact others that make us special.

Everyday we have the potential to touch and enhance lives we may not even be aware we are impacting.  Let's use our powers for good.

Sesame Cookies

2010-12-20T07:45:00.000-08:00

Luke and I actually made these Sesame cookies together while Ava was in school one day. I let him blend the ingredients and then he helped to roll the cookies out and dip them in the milk and sesame seeds. It's always fun to bake with my little man.

Ingredients

¼ lb butter, softened

½ Cup sugar

1 egg

1/3 cup milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 ¼ cups flour

1 Tablespoon Baking Powder

Additional milk

1 cup sesame seeds

Here’s What You Do

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

In an electric mixer, cream the butter and sugar - about 3 minutes. This is a really important step. You should always, always, always cream butter for 3 minutes. Add the egg, milk and vanilla. Mix until well blended. On low speed, add the flour and baking powder. Turn out dough on a lightly floured surface and knead until blended. This will be a soft dough.

Roll dough into 1-inch balls. I use an ice cream scoop. Dip balls in a bowl of about a 1/2 cup of milk, then in a bowl filled with sesame seeds. This will help the seeds adhere. Place the cookies on parchment-lined cookie sheets, spacing them 2 inches apart. Gently press the tops of the cookies to flatten.

Bake the cookies for 12-15 minutes, or until lightly browned. I bake mine for 12 minutes. Again, it depends upon your oven. Remove cookie sheets from oven. Use a metal spatula to transfer cookies from the cookie sheet onto a wire cooling rack. Cool. Store in an airtight container.

Enjoy!

These cookies are delicious and were a perfect addition to my Christmas cookie trays.

Pignoli Cookies

2010-12-19T05:05:00.000-08:00

My family loves Pignoli cookies. What's not to love, right? I've made 4 batches already this season. Some for us, but most have been meant for the cookie platters I've been making for family and friends. They're always a huge hit so I always include them on my cookie trays.

Ingredients

1 1/2 lbs Almond Paste

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 cup Confectioners' sugar

4 egg whites

1 Cup pine nuts

Here's What You Do

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees

In an electric mixer, combine the almond paste, sugar, confectioners' sugar and egg whites on low speed until blended. Then mix for 2 minutes on medium speed which will make the dough sticky.

Roll the dough into one inch balls. I use an ice cream scooper and it works great! Place the cookies on parchment lined cookie sheet, spacing them about 2 inches apart. Using your fingers, slightly flatten the tops of the cookies and then sprinkle them with pine nuts.

Bake for 15-20 minutes. I bake mine for 15 minutes, it really depends on your oven.

Remove from oven and let the cookies cool on parchment for easiest removal. This is a really important step. I forgot all about it when making my first batch this season and the cookies were really hard to remove from the silicon baking pan I used without parchment.

When the cookies are completely cool, use a spatula to loosen them from the parchment.

Store in an airtight container.

Enjoy!!!

If you plan on making a lot of Pignoli Cookies and perhaps have a family member or friend you can split a large quantity with, I have a huge money saving tip for you...

Nutsonline.com sells nuts in bulk and therefore at a very deep discount. My mom and I shared a 7 lb can of Almond Paste this season for Thirty Seven dollars. This is a huge savings because in the past I've paid Ten Dollars a Pound for the Almond paste in my local supermarket.

City Life - Apartment Facelift

2010-12-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

I've spent most of this morning visiting the Raymour and Flanigan website trying to decide on new furniture for the apartment. We just gave Luke's room a little face lift in the form of new awesome toy storage and now we're focusing on buying new furniture for the kitchen and living room. We're getting rid of our big wall unit so we can move in a chaise lounge to go along with our couch. It's really going to look great. I'm also trying to figure out what colors I want to paint the walls which is a huge task in itself. I can't believe how many shades of each color there are to choose from. Decisions, decisions. One thing for sure is that we're hiring someone to paint this time. Neither of us have the time or patience and I know full well that not doing it ourselves is going to result in a much quicker, smoother and therefore happier apartment transformation. It's exciting.

With Christmas coming and my electronic Amazon.com shopping cart rapidly filling with more stuff to fill our city space, I realized that it was high time to start make changing around our space - before I came back from my parents house in the burbs with all of our Christmas packages because for the past few years I've suffered from post-holiday blues derived from returning to our 3-bedroom city apartment with loads and loads of crap after a week long stay at my parents spacious home in the burbs. I vowed not to do it to myself again this year. It's high time that we work on making this space an awesome one so Stephen and I decided to start with Luke's room which houses the kids toys and chose two matching wooden toy storage units along with really cute fabric drawers in various colors and designs to fill the cubbie holes. We tossed out the big old cumbersome toy bin that the kids couldn't find their toys in to play with anyway and what a difference it has made. The new units are adorable and I cannot believe how much space we picked up because of them. Now every Barbie, toy truck and train has their own little home. Completely organized! It doesn't feel like the same space.

After we're done with the living room and kitchen and I finally buy my new Kitchen Aid, which I will finally have the counter space for, I am not going to want to ever leave this apartment.... Well, not for a while anyhow.

Thanksgiving Trees

2010-12-17T04:27:00.000-08:00

Before I start posting more recipes, I wanted to share a project I did with Ava's Kindergarten class. In addition to baking and cooking with the kids on a weekly basis, Ava's teacher has invited parents to come into the classroom to share their talents. One of the moms is a very talented designer and she came in and worked on a project with the kids combining artwork and a story created by them, another mom came in to teach yoga.

Thanksgiving was approaching and I remembered a project that the students did in the preschool Ava attended. With the help of their teachers, the kids made "Thanksgiving Trees." The tree was a Birch Branch on which paper leaves and little tags hung. "I am thankful for...." was written on one side of the tag and the child's response on the other. I started around town in hopes of finding supplies for 16 trees, enough for each student in Ava's class. I started combing the park for good branches but had little success. The "trees" I found were just plain old sticks. On one of our walks home from school one day, I noticed a beautiful Birch with perfect branches. That wasn't going to work out though, as I knew I was going to have a tough time explaining to my neighbor exactly what the heck I was doing up on a ladder with my trusty sheers, cutting down the branches from his tree. I decided to try our local florists. The first florist would happily sell me 16 ~~twigs~~ for twenty bucks. Yeah thanks, but no thanks. The second, said they couldn't get me the branches at all. I started to wonder if I this art project was really going to happen when I decided to try a third place.

The third time was a charm and a very awesome, non-greedy and helpful florist named Frank told me not only could he get me the branches, but that he would give them to me for free! Isn't that great? Thanks to Frank, I am delighted to share with you the pictures of the Thanksgiving Trees created by Ava's Kindergarten class.

The kids really enjoyed working on this project. They happily decorated their branches with multicolored leaves and excitedly told me all that they were thankful for. Responses ranged from their moms and dads to hot chocolate!

Christmas Pretzels

2010-12-15T15:25:00.000-08:00

We've been baking up a storm over here! I have lots of great recipes to share with you but for now here are some pictures of our Christmas pretzels. They came out great! We're planning on giving them out in decorative jars and tins and have also been using them to help decorate our cookie trays.

For instructions on how to make them, just click here on my blog post entitled Chocolate covered M&M pretzels.

'Tis the Season

2010-12-12T05:31:00.000-08:00

The Christmas season is upon us and the kids and I have been having a lot of fun preparing for the Holidays. As you know, we enjoy baking for our family and friends and we are off to a great start. Our pretzels, Chocolates, Chocolate truffles, Italian Wedding and Chocolate Chip Cookies are done. Next up on our list are the Rugelach, Pinoli Cookies, Sesame Cookies and Coconut Macaroons. Yum! I've never made Rugelach before but I have my mom's recipe, which is delicious, so I can't wait to try them later on today.

Ava and I went to see the New York City Ballet perform the Nutcracker last weekend in Lincoln Center. We went to Bar Boulud beforehand for brunch, one of Daniel Boulud's restaurants that I've been dying to try, and had an amazing time together. We've decided to make this a yearly tradition and I'm already looking forward to next year. She's a really funny kid and decided that it would be fun to play a combination of Top Chef, as she was really excited to find out that the chef is a guest judge on that program from time to time, and Chopped. I enjoyed listening to her critique the food. It was funny to hear my five year old describe her potatoes prepared by a top chef in NYC as being "overdone".

Right now, I'm sitting in the living room all alone in the quiet with nothing lighting the room other than the white lights on our Christmas tree. The room looks beautiful. A ceramic Santa and Mrs. Claus sits on our mantle. My Grandmother, my mom's mom, made them both. She and my Grandfather ran a ceramics studio in their basement in Long Island. Their garage housed two kiln and my Grandfather was in charge of pouring the molds. I used to love painting ceramics alongside my Grandma and her friends when I was a little girl. My Grandma made the Santa and Mrs. Claus many years ago for my Aunt Maryann, my dad's brothers wife and also my Godmother. She was very special to me and we were very close. Last Christmas she sent the ceramics home with my parents for me. She wanted me to have them because they were made by my Grandma. She knew how much I loved her and thought it was important that I have them. Aunt Maryann passed away this past August. All of the Holidays on my dad's side were hosted at her and my Uncle Andy's house. Some of my fondest memories growing up were Christmas's a their home with tons of family around as well as our annual girls versus guys game of Trivial Pursuit.

My cousins asked me to do a reading at her funeral and I was honored to do so. I remember going to her home afterwards and soaking everything in. Waves of sadness overcame me, thinking about how much things were going to change now. It was hard to be in her home without her there.

Another great loss this year was the recent death of my uncle. My mom's brother. He passed away unexpectedly less than two weeks ago. I still can't believe it. I loved him very much. He was one of the funniest guys you'd ever meet. Very witty and always making fun of everyone in his path. It was all in good fun though. Everyone enjoyed being around him. We've spent Thanksgiving and Easter with them for many years and his absence, along with the fact that my aunt will be moving across the country as a result, has left me very sad. Things have changed tremendously on both sides of our family this year with the loss of two very special people close to my heart. Close to all of our hearts.

Stephen and I planned to go to the hospital to say goodbye to my uncle the day he died but we were too late. He called me at 4:15 to say that he was leaving work and we'd go to the hospital as soon as he got home. My sister called two minutes later to say that it was too late. On our walk back from Tae Kwon Do that afternoon, I turned to Ava and told her that I had something very important to talk to her about. She's spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle and adores them both. She put her hand up and said, "Don't tell me." She knew that something was going on and that I had been worried about him. I pressed on and told her that it was very important that I explain something to her. She said, "Don't tell me, I already know."

That night at dinner talk turned to how her week was at school. Two of the class hamsters had escaped from their cages. We knew that the baby hamster was found alive and well, but weren't sure what ever became of the older one known as Jack "Hammy" Hamster, so Stephen asked, "So Ava, what ever happened to Jack "Hammy" Hamster?" To which she replied... "You know, the same thing that happened to Uncle Fran".

Uncle Fran's Memorial Service is next week, just a few days before Christmas. Back in August, my uncle bought airline tickets for my cousins, their four kids, to fly to the East coast Christmas week so we could all be together at my parents house on Christmas day. It's been many years since we've all been together. In fact, we haven't all been together for Christmas since my Grandparents were alive. I'm very grateful that we will all be together this year. Naturally though, it will be a difficult year. I'm going to miss him very much. We're all going to miss him very much.

I know that as time goes on, we will all begin to heal. Nothing is more great or merciful than the gift of time.

One last thing that I'd like to share with you is that Ava's amazing teacher lent us a book to read together in light of all that's been going on entitled, "Houdini was..." It was written by a group of 2nd graders in honor of their class pet who died, who also happened to be a hamster. She warned me that the last page was going to make me cry so I may want to read it alone first.

It read...

As a wise person once said..."Don't cry that it's over...be happy that it happened."

Thank you Aunt Maryann and Uncle Francis for all of the love you've given and all of the memories you've helped our families create. You will be missed.

LOTS of Fun Feeding Others

2010-10-05T10:59:00.000-07:00

Our local homeless shelter provides lunch to approximately 50 people everyday. Lunch on Tuesdays (LOTS) is a special service program at Ava's school, in which the students are asked to bring in an extra brown-bagged lunch from home to help feed the neighbors at the shelter.

Ava is really happy to participate. She was very excited to show me the picture she made on the paper bag she was given by her teacher to decorate, and delighted in telling me how she and one of her friends asked the teacher to write the exact same thing on their lunch bags... "I hope you like your lunch."

In order to support her enthusiasm, I suggested we make a special trip to to the grocery store so she could personally choose the items that would fill the lunch bag she so happily made. She was absolutely delighted with my suggestion, and after much consideration, chose a nectarine from produce, a small bag of mini-pretzels from the chip aisle and two big bulky round rolls to hold the roast beef and Swiss that she selected at the deli counter.

It was also very important to her that she help prepare the sandwiches this morning, as well as pack them, along with all of the other items in the bag herself. She even decided to share one of her mini Hershey's chocolate bars.

I could tell that she really enjoyed the whole process, from choosing the lunch she'd give to preparing and packing the lunch herself, and I enjoyed it as well. My little Kindergartner's enthusiasm was contagious and it filled my heart with joy.

Deceptively Delicious Doughnuts

2010-10-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

The kids and I baked Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious doughnuts this morning for breakfast. They were delicious! Here is the recipe for you to try too.

I did a couple of things differently though. The recipe calls for you to coat the doughnut mold with non-stick cooking spray but in my experience, and from what I've read, you're not supposed to use non-stick spray on non-stick pans because it ruins the properties of the pan. I've always found that the non-stick spray leaves a really sticky residue on pans that's very difficult to get off and it just doesn't work as well as butter. You can use light butter though, as I did this morning.

Also, the recipe calls for you to cook the doughnuts for 20-25 minutes, however, when using mini-doughnut or mini-muffin pans, they take only 10 minutes to bake.

Ingredients
Butter or light butter for greasing pan

1/2 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar

1/2 cup canned pumpkin puree

1/2 cup sweet potato puree
1/2 cup skim milk
1 large egg white
1 Tablespoon trans-fat-free soft tub margarine spread (I used Country Crock)

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 cup confectioner's sugar

Here's what you do
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat mini-doughnut mold or mini-muffin tins with butter.

In a large bowl, beat together the sugar, pumpkin and sweet potato purees, milk, egg white, margarine and vanilla.

Add the flour, baking soda, baking powder and cinnamon and mix until completely incorporated.

Pour the batter into a gallon-sized plastic bag and cut the bottom tip off of one side of the bag. Use a pastry bag if you have one. Then, squeeze the batter into the doughnut or mini-muffin mold.

Bake until the tops are lightly browned and toothpick comes out clean when inserted, about 10 minutes. Turn the doughnuts out onto a rack to cool. Coat with confectioner's sugar when cool.

Yum!!!!

Time to Make the Doughnuts

2010-09-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Make sure you look pretty today Mommy," were Ava's words to me yesterday morning while getting ready to take her to school. What she meant was that in addition to a "pretty outfit," she wanted me to put my make-up on. I look pretty without make-up you see, but WAY, WAY prettier with it on. It was important to Ava that we all look our best, even Luke, because yesterday was a big day.

Yesterday was a big day, because her teacher invited me and Luke to come into the classroom to bake doughnuts with the kids. Each week Ava's Kindergarten class studies a letter of the alphabet and as part of their study, cook something that corresponds with the letter of the week. Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious Doughnuts were on the menu for yesterday and they truly were delicious.

I originally didn't have doughnut pans but after a trial run Tuesday morning, I realized that without them, our mini-doughnuts, were truly mini-muffins. I figured the kids were too smart for me to be able to pass mini-muffins off as Munchkins, so doughnut pans were a must. There was no way I was going to be the mommy who came in to make the doughnuts, but really made muffins.

My ~~neurosis~~ intense drive so as not to embarrass myself or my daughter, resulted in a credit card purchase of $18.64 for two mini-doughnut pans from Amazon.com and an additional $19.97 to ship them overnight. Yep, that's exactly how my anxiety-ridden mind rolls. I can't help it, I just like things to be right.

My cute little doughnut pans arrived on schedule and with the help of two other moms, and an adorable bunch of kids, I am happy to report that the baked doughnut making process was a complete success!

I will post the recipe and pictures once Ava and I make a batch at home for ourselves.

School Days

2010-09-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

Delving back into school, activities and lots of park time has been an adjustment for all of us after a very lazy Summer, but Kindergarten is great and Ava's loving it. She adores her new teacher and is enjoying her new friends.

There's a parent mixer next Saturday at one of our local restaurants which I'm very much looking forward to. The school is providing free babysitting service (woo hoo!) so it can be an adults only event. I had my first PTSO (Parent Teacher Student Organization) meeting Thursday night and it was great because the school also provided free babysitting service for that. Stephen's been working like crazy so I wouldn't have been able to go otherwise.

I was also excited to learn that I'm going to be able to help out in the classroom and volunteer at some of the annual school/parent-run events, because it's okay to bring Luke along with me. Before learning this, I was actually feeling sort of sad. There are so many opportunities to help out at the school, but I didn't think I was going to be able to do anything since I don't have any day-time help for Luke.

Ava's teachers words were like music to my ears. When I expressed to her that I wanted to be involved but didn't have someone to look after Luke, without hesitation she said to bring him along. Luke is welcomed too, so now I can participate and I think it's fantastic, because I really want to be involved in Ava's school/education. Now I can with ease because I don't need to find and hire a babysitter to be a part of the community.

Like I said though, getting back into the swing of things, after our long-lazy Summer has definitely been an adjustment. For example, at dance class the other day, I saw that Ava was wearing the lone pink leotard in a sea of black....

Looks like mommy ordered the wrong dance uniform, as I quickly realized that I couldn't have been the only parent to get it right.

Countdown to Kindergarten Continues

2010-08-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

There's only a little over a week left of Summer vacation. The days of sleeping in, and spending lazy days doing whatever we please, soon will be gone. We've been having an excellent Summer spending time at the park with pre-school friends, as well as spending weeks at a time at my parents home. We took Ava to see Mary Poppins, which was a fantastic experience. She absolutely LOVED it and wants to go again. Maybe Santa will bring her another set of tickets. I've also loved spending time with old friends while visitng my home town. I wish there were more time so I could get together with everyone. It's been such a peaceful, relaxing and fun-filled Summer.

Ava's very excited to go to school and that really pleases me. She was very nervous on the day of her Kindergarten orientation back in June. By the time it was over though, she was happy and excited to attend her new school. It was a huge relief. Now she's ready for the Summer to be over and to start school. We also found out that she was assigned to the teacher she wanted which just makes this transition easier on her, and then naturally, us. I hope her positive attitude continues throughout her schooling.

We've done all of her back-to-school shopping. She's got her new backpack and lunch bags, as well as snazzy new sneakers and purple boots. She also has an all new Fall wardrobe. Shopping was something I was really looking forward to, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. I was a little concerned after leaving the first store we tried because after trying on piles of clothes, we only ended up purchasing 4 items. Ava didn't like anything. I don't know if it was the look of the items or the fit but I was getting a little concerned. We ended up heading to the mall. Thankfully, The Children's Place and Gymboree were hits with Ava and we chose a lot of cute stuff for her.
We've also spent some time making lists of all of the different kinds of food she might like to bring for lunches. That was a really cute and fun activity. Some of the lunches she thinks she'd enjoy are strawberries with cheese and crackers, peanut butter sandwiches, baked ziti and Mac and Cheese. I'll share Ava's lists in another blog post, as I need to run now because I promised Luke I'd take him to see the boats down at the sea wall today.

Have a great day everyone!

Countdown to Kindergarten

2010-08-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

Our Summer break has been wonderful but it's going by way too fast. The countdown is on, and there's only one month remaining until my little girl will be heading off to Kindergarten.

We went shopping for school supplies last week with Grandma and Ava modeled every single backpack they had in the store until she finally decided on the perfect one.  She told us she wanted to try them all on to make sure they fit!

She chose two different lunch bags and and assortment of hot/cold food accessories for the days she'd like to bring her lunch.  Both bags were so cute, and she was so excited, that we just couldn't resist.  Grandma and Ava also decided that a new change purse was in order, to carry her money on the days she'd like to buy hot lunch or purchase a milk at school.

The memory we made shopping for Kindergarten school supplies is very special to me. It was so much fun and Ava and I are both bursting with excitement for Kindergarten!

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss my little buddy during the day, as Kindergarten is full-time here. When I was little, Kindergarten was only half a day. Full-day Kindergarten makes her seem more grown up to me.

It's interesting though, because although she's growing up so fast and that sometimes makes my heart ache, I'd rather be in the moment with her at this age, than go back to the time when she was just a little baby. Although wouldn't it be great to be able to go back in time for a day to relive those precious moments?!

I love that she's old enough now for us to see Broadway shows together. I love that I can take her out to all kinds of restaurants, even the fancy ones! I love the time we spend getting mani/pedi's together for special occasions. One will definitely be in order to celebrate her first day in Kindergarten! Mostly, I love the conversations we have.  She's smart as a whip and she cracks me up.

I love the school she got into for Kindergarten and that's really made this process so much easier on me as a mom. It is the absolute best fit for her and us.  By getting into the charter school, she will be reaping the benefits of both private and public school and it really doesn't get any better than this.

We have a lot to look forward to.

On Forgiveness and Change

2010-07-19T11:15:00.000-07:00

The weaning process has been very hard on me. Luke seems to be fine but my hormones are completely out of whack and I look forward to this time passing quickly so I can feel normal again.  My sadness is tied into the fact that he may be my last baby. I want more kids but am scared to go through another pregnancy for fear of another loss.

I find myself feeling out of sorts with emotions lately which have me thinking about a lot of things. The biggest topic which keeps popping up is that of forgiveness and the issues that I have with it.

A lot of it stems from the way I was growing up. I was a nice kid who had great friends and also had some "friends" who treated me like crap, yet I kept coming back for more.  For me, it was all of the insecurities that come from being a teen aged girl and therefore fitting in with the group.  There's always a ring leader and if you stand up to the ring leader, your on the outs of the group. Not with the group. On the outs of the group. The friendships within, remain secretly intact, however when it comes to social gatherings, the one who stands up to the leader wll most frequently find herself sitting at home on a Saturday night.

I was the girl who stood up to the leader and found herself sitting at home on quite a few weekends in a row, while the rest of my friends were out at the parties with the leader of the pack.  Which looking back, doesn't say very much for those friendships but that's neither here nor there.

I didn't like sitting home so I learned to smile like a jerk in the face of the leader just to be able to go to the next party. Thus, be accepted by the group. Eventually, as I became more self assured, I broke ties with such friends and moved on. Things haven't changed much, I'm still the same girl who stands up for herself, and who suffers the consequences because of it. What has changed though is that I no longer smile like a jerk, in the face of one!

A lot of the issues I had growing up with always taking people's crap, had to do with my Catholic upbringing. I was taught by my parents and the church to be merciful.  To show forgiveness. It's the right thing to do.  That's true, but I believe that forgiveness is really the right thing to do for ourselves. The people who hurt us didn't care enough in the first place not to, so they would care very little whether they were forgiven or not. I also believe that Jesus loves us and doesn't care to see us continually being hurt by the same person/people. In order to love others, we must first love and I'll add respect ourselves.

I saw a lot of myself in Ava and Stephen and I began to work with her. She had been in a Christian preschool and they had a certain protocol which they follow when kids get into altercations. Basically, one kid does something mean to another and then the kid who is wronged then has to explain to the kid who did something mean what they did that got them so upset in order to get their apology. If they don't use their words, they don't get the apology. Once they do use their words, the kid who did something wrong then says that their sorry and the kid who was hurt needs to say I forgive you and move one. Which is absolutely fantastic for the kids who care very little about the feelings of their classmates and therefore hurt them in the first place, because there are no consequences. It kinda sucks for the nice kids though.

Stephen and I took matters into our own hands and Ava learned a hard lesson. If you tell someone no and they see you crying and they do something to you anyway, they are NOT your friend. Stay away from them because they will continue to do the same things over and over again. She cried. But, in the end it's an excellent life lesson to have learned at a young age. People don't change. So you need to figure out who your friends are and move on from those who are not in order to live a happy, sane life.

We ran into someone this weekend who has never been nice to me and has been down right hurtful in the past. In being hurtful to me, this person was also very hurtful to Stephen. He was a casualty of their not caring for me. There was no congratulations when Ava and Luke were born. There was no call or card of condolence when Isabel died. I said very little but in the end, asked how she was doing because I know she's going through a rough time.  I'm pissed at myself now for even doing so because she hurt me and Stephen through our kids and there's no forgiveness for that.

Her response...."Do you really care?" People like this don't really change.

Mine response....NO! I really don't.

I may not be changed for the better, but I have been changed for GOOD!

On Weaning and Cabbage Leaves

2010-07-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

I'm a little shocked and admittedly saddened by how quickly I was able to wean Luke. He had been nursing less and less for some time but he always turned to nursing him to calm his moods. If he had gotten hurt, angry, or was feeling a little sleepy, he always turned to me to comfort him by demanding to be nursed. I also must admit that I was getting tired and a little uncomfortable when he'd demand milk, say in the middle of Panera when I was having coffee with a friend.

I became intent on stopping the nursing when my Doctor gave me meds for my back a couple weeks ago, that weren't compatible with nursing. I had been feeling like it was time to stop but didn't have the heart to do it because Luke may very well be my last baby. That doesn't mean I wanted to continue nursing him forever, I just needed a little more time. I took my back ache and prescription meds as a sign that it had become time to stop.

I figured the easiest thing to do would be to cut out the daytime feedings first. In order to help with the pain of engorgement I used a trick that I learned after Isabel was delivered. My milk had come in, even though I didn't have my baby and it was a very difficult time. I was home from the hospital, absolutely beside myself because I lost her and then it happened...my milk came in. Talking about rubbing salt in a wound.

The advice my former Dr. gave me was to try binding the breasts in a tight fitting sports bra, but that didn't work at all. I remember telling the nurses at his office how it wasn't working. That everytime I checked milk would squirt out. I remember sitting in the exam room waiting for the Dr. and hearing the nurses laughing saying that if I kept squeezing my breasts, the milk's never gonna dry up. Thanks so much for your compassion.

I had to take matter into my own hands and began to ask around and finally found someone who knew what to do. The answer was cabbage leaves. I feel compelled to say that this is a very personal post for me and the only reason that I'm going into such detail is because I have a lot of readers who find me through the Babyloss Directory as well as Glow In The Woods. If this can help someone that's going though what I have, it's worth it to me to put myself out there like this. I wasn't so brave at first though and ended up deleting a post on this topic after publishing the first time.

So what's this about the cabbage leaves? Well, for some reason they work like a charm at drying up breast milk. I'm assuming there's some chemical in it but haven't done the research to back that up so if any of you know what their magical powers are, please share your knowledge with all of us by leaving a comment in the comments section.

All I did was insert cold cabbage leaves into my sports bra and once they began to wilt I replaced them with new ones. It only took a few days to work and dry up my supply.

I decided to do that with Luke and once again it worked like a charm. I was no longer engorged and in pain during the day so it was easy for me to resist the urge to feed him in order to relieve the pain. If I had fed him, my supply would have remained high and naturally, it wouldn't have helped the weaning process.

I think I was holding on to nursing because somehow in my mind, it meant that Luke was still my baby. In the end I am extremely proud that I committed to nursing him for so long. Longer than many do and I'm going to give myself credit for that.

Please let me know what your experiences with weaning were like. Are there any tips and tricks that you'd like to share?

Goodbye Extra Points, I'll Miss You

2010-07-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

Went for a follow up appointment at my Dr's today and all is well and my back is feeling better. I'll be heading to kickboxing tomorrow morning and am very much looking forward to our playdate with some of Ava's old classmates afterwards.

I'm struggling a little with my weight due to weaning. Nothing major, about 4 lbs, but something I need to nip in the bud. Or is it nip in the butt? I think it's bud. Anyhow, I need to pay attention. One of the great things about nursing is all the extra calories, a.k.a. Weight Watcher points you get each day. If it were socially acceptable, I may have nursed Luke 'til he was 10 years old for all of those extra snacks!

Alas, it is not, so I did what needed to be done... I checked the no box next to are you a nursing mother on my online tracker today and said goodbye to 3 points per day. When I was solely nursing I was having a field day with 10 extra points, then some were taken away once solids were added to Luke's diet and here I am with none.

It appears as Luke was being weaned, so was I!

I've heard it said that some women actually lose weight once their babies are weaned. Has this happened to any of you? Do any of you believe it's true? Or, do you think it's some old wive's tale designed to get our kids off the breast before they hit puberty?

Talking About Kindergarten

2010-07-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

I finally went back to kickboxing this morning after a 2 week hiatus. I never miss class. I've been going 2-3 times a week for a year and a half now.
My backs been killing me though so my Dr. told me to cool it with the kickboxing for a while. Since my back is now aching more than it had before class, I realize I should have waited a little longer. I worked so hard to lose weight and get in shape though that the thought of spending any more time away bothered me. I feel like I need the class to feel good and to look good and it's great therapy. It's better to punch/kick bags than people!

They have childcare so Ava and Luke were excited to come along. They really love the ladies who take care of them while I work out. It's nice that Ava gets to come along too now that school is out. I'm going to miss taking her there with us once school starts in September.

We've been going to the park on Monday and Wednesdays after class with one of my mommy friends and her son. She takes kickboxing class with me and Ava and her son were in the same pre-k 4 class together this past year. It's nice to be able to spend so much time together outside of school, especially since the kids won't be going to Kindergarten together. Both kids schools are in close proximity to the same park though so I'm sure that we'll be running into all of her old classmates come September.

Kindergarten has become a huge topic for me. I definitely will be blogging about it a lot because it's such an exciting time. I love her new school and am so excited that she got in.  There are so many things that I'm looking forward to. I'm excited that she'll be learning to read and write in Kindergarten, that they teach to the student, and I really love how much they want the parents to be involved. It feels like a real community.

The Director was telling a group of us at the school tour for accepted students, that she thought about going into the Peace Corps but instead, asked to be placed in the worst and roughest public school in NYC. She worked there for many years making a difference and changing the lives of the urban poor.   I was impressed.

I was also impressed when she told us that there were no locks for the kids lockers at Ava's new school, however, none of the students have ever gone into someone else's locker and taken something that's not theirs.  This was refreshing to me because by the end of Ava's stint in preschool I couldn't let her bring or wear anything to school that I feared someone would admire, feel entitled to and therefore take from her. Can I wear this necklace mommy? No! What about this ring? No! Silly Bandz? Fine but you better not take them off! There were two too many incidences where Ava was left crying.

The Director of Ava's new school said, the kids may not all love each other, but they respect each other. I like it. Actually, I love it!

Mommy Read Me

2010-07-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

Luke walked up to me this morning, handed me the book called Noisy Kisses and said, "Mommy read me." I love it when he does this. I'm happy that he enjoys being read to just as much as Ava does. I'm proud that my kids love books so much. Ava has an excellent vocabulary and I attribute that to all of the reading we've done together. Luke is repeating words and some sentences from his books. Aside from all they're learning, it's also important to me to take advantage of this special time we have together. The kids are growing up so fast and it won't be long until Ava prefers reading on her own, as opposed to being read to while sitting on my lap.

I realized this while in Barnes & Noble a few months back. I started out in the children's picture book section, and then wandered over to young readers age 5-7 to pick up the latest Ivy & Bean, when all of a sudden a wave of sadness washed over me. It occurred to me that it won't be long until Ava outgrows the picture books altogether.

There's still time for picture books though and my realization has made me treasure my time spent reading to them even more.

We have many many favorites. Far too many to list them all. However, off the top of my head, I can say that some of our very favorites are Little Red Bird by Nick Bruel, We're All In The Same Boat by Zachary R. Shapiro, The Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog! by Mo Willems, Tickle Monster by Josie Bissett, Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse, Lilly's Big Day, Yoko and Chrysanthemum by Kevin Hankes and Ballet Kitty by Bernette Ford.

What are your favorite children's books?

Crazy Misunderstood

2010-07-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

I just got back home from a nice, relaxing and much needed massage.   I've done a number on my back.  I think the combination of kickboxing, lifting Luke who is 35 lbs, carrying him up and down stairs, and pushing him in the stroller along with Ava attached via Buggy Board all around town, has really taken its toll.

I called for an appointment yesterday afternoon and got in for 9am this morning. I thought for a moment that it was going to stink to have to get up early and get out of the house to go but then realized how absolutely ridiculous that was. Yeah, God forbid I wake up a little early to go lay down for a 90 minute massage. That sooooooooooooooo hard! At least I can make fun of myself and get when I'm being ridiculous.

My massage therapist asked about the kids and I was telling her how Ava was off to Kindergarten in September. She asked how I felt about it expecting me to be sad but I'm really not. It's interesting because I hated the thought of putting her in pre-k. I was not ready to let her go at 3 years old. Kids are still so little then. They even still look like babies.

It was in the Fall of 2007 that we interviewed at her pre-school. Ava was only 2 at the time but would be entering their preschool program the following September at the age of three, if she, we, were accepted. I was pregnant with Luke at the time. Isabel had just been delivered a few months earlier and I was feeling so sad and scared wondering if Luke would actually come out alive. I had little interest in Ava being anywhere away from me, and here we were interviewing to send my baby girl away. May sound absolutely ridiculous and overly dramatic to you, but that's how it felt for me.

We found out that she was accepted into the schools 3 morning program on March 3rd of 2008. I remember because it was Stephen's Birthday. Two months later, Luke arrived via C-Section at 35 weeks, via emergency c-section due to complications with clotting. I realized that if I had not been at the Dr's office that day, that he would have died too and that and his short stint in the NICU due to the fact that he was having trouble breathing, had both me and Stephen completely unnerved. We had been through a lot in a one year span. Luke was actually meant to be delivered via c-section on June 19th, which was Isabel's delivery date.

We were both very afraid that Luke might have suffered some sort of brain damage due to the lack of oxygen at birth and once we were home we noticed that his breathing still didn't sound right. He was making really strange sounds. In order for me to get any sleep, my mom and sister went out and bought me one of those crib monitors for peace of mind. I knew that if he stopped breathing, an alarm would sound.

We see now that he's a strong, healthy little boy, who is smart as a whip! We didn't know what to expect then though because when he was in the NICU the Dr. kept finding these little things wrong with him. He ran a fever and was deficient in Vitamin C. It was one thing after the other. He even bares a scar on the top of his head which was caused by the IV the nurse had to put there for him to get the medications and vitamins he needed because it was the biggest vein she could find.  She put it in wrong though and it dripped and caused the scarring.

School started in September and there I was with my little 3 year old girl and 4 month old son feeling shaken but at that point, no one knew what had happened to us and what we were going through.

I knew first hand that bad things did happen and that they happened to me.

I remember being completely freaked out the day we were told that the school would be taking the kids on a walking trip to the Hudson River and I was like, seriously? You're taking a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds to the River?! I envisioned one of them falling in, and by one of them, I mean Ava.

I'm pleased to report that no one fell in and all was smooth until the notice of lice in school came out 2 weeks before school was over. Once again, I'm thinking, if anyone's kid's gonna get it, it's gonna be my kid.  I envisioned her coming home with it and passing it along to both me and Luke. Stephen was lucky, he's bald! There would be lice in the pillows and lice in the rugs. Yikes!

She didn't get lice though. Thankfully. After the school year was over though, I heard that one of the teachers said that some of the moms were crazy and actually called the school to see if there was lice in the classroom because God forbid their little darlings (or something to that affect) get lice.

I don't remember exactly because I was so overcome by the embarrassment at how I was being perceived.

As one of the "crazy" moms who called, was me.

On City Life, Playdates and Schooling

2010-07-08T17:41:00.000-07:00

Summer break has been wonderful. We've been sleeping late and spending lots of time with our families and friends. We've moved on from the school that Ava was in for Pre-K, but have been having many playdates with the good friends we made while there. In fact, we have a little Birthday party to go to tomorrow morning which we are both really looking forward to.

I'd say a little over 1/2 the kids in Ava's Pre-K4 class will be staying on for Kindergarten, whereas the remainder of students are off to different schools. When Ava started Pre-K there at the age of 3, she was placed in a class of 14 which primarily consisted of second year students. Sort of a combined Pre-K 3/Pre-K 4 class, only 10 out of the 14 students were in the Pre-K4 portion and therefore, went off to Kindergarten this past year. Not many of the kids in her class that year stayed at the same school either though. I think it was only 4 of the kids in that specific class whose parents chose the school for Kindergarten.

We're still in touch with all of our friends though.

That's the great thing about living in a city like ours though. Although our kids may be going to different schools, you still end up bumping into everyone you know all of the time, whether it's on the sidewalk, in the park, at dance class, in a restaurant or going with a very good mommy friend to a benefit and in turn, running into half the city there (boy was that fun and a story for another day).

I've been fortunate enough to have kept in really close contact with our friends so we're constantly in contact by phone, FaceBook, E-mail, organized playdates and the best get-togethers of them all...those that consist of the moms going out on the town while the dads stay home with the kiddie kiddies. I think some of my mommy friends and I might be trying Mario Batali's Otto next. Looking forward to it!

I'm also happy to report that we've already had a playdate with one of Ava's new classmates. It was great. The mom was really nice and down to earth. The girls are the same age and so are our boys and all the kids got along perfectly. The mom was thoughtful enough to invite us as a family to Ava's new little friends Birthday party this coming Sunday.

It's great for the girls to spend this time together before the school year starts and we are all very excited to attend.

On Breastfeeding and Pediatric Dentistry

2010-07-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

I'm still breastfeeding Luke. Very few times a day but nonetheless, I know it's time to pull the plug. He's a willfull kid and is not taking the reduction of feedings lying down. He points and yells and clasps his hands together begging "cheese!" (his version of please). After listening closer I think he may actually be saying tease!!! But, that's neither here nor there. I have to say that he looks really cute when he does that so I want to give in but I have to be strong because I have what seems to be a pinched nerve and need to get him off the breast so I can take the medication I need to.

Part of me wants to forget the meds so I don't have to stop breastfeeding him, but in the end, I know once we're done, I'll be relieved. The only thing that's pulling on my heartstrings is the fact that he's probably the last baby for me so I don't want to cut the nursing short. Although, it's been 2 years and I'm tired. I didn't nurse Ava this long. I only nursed her to about 19 months when our Pediatric Dentist told me to stop immediately because Ava had 5 cavitites and needed a cap! That's what happens when bad genetics and nursing to sleep combine with some kids.

Speaking of Ava and teeth. On one of the last days of school, she and this little boy collided on the playground. She smashed into his head with her teeth. I was told by the teacher that the little boy had a goose egg and Ava's mouth was bleeding. When I picked her up from school that day, I noticed that one of her teeth had broken as well. I wondered if the other kid walked away with it in his head but figured it was on the playground somewhere and would eventually be mistaken as a unique white rock by one of the other kids and they would take it home and add it to their collection. Kids do love rocks. Which is fine I guess, as long as they're not putting them in their mouths or sticking them up their noses.

I have to say that it was a very clean break. Very straight. Cosmetically she was fine and an official soft-serve ice cream test after dance class that night, proved that there was no nerve damage. I spoke to her dentist on the phone and she said that considering her age, there was really nothing to do as long as she wasn't in pain, as she'll start losing her teeth within a couple years anyhow. Now we've noticed though that her front tooth, not the one that broke, the one next to it, is turning gray. Some day it's grayer than others, which I cannot explain but was talking to a mommy friend yesterday who told me the same thing happened to her son. She said that eventually, her sons tooth turned white again. We'll see. Oh, by the way, in case this helps anyone, our pediatric dentist said that if Ava's tooth was loose (which it wasn't) we should put her on a soft food only diet for 2 weeks. She said this would allow the tooth to strengthen and would then re-attach. Pretty cool, huh?

Isabel's Rose

2010-06-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and learned that my babies heart stopped beating. Three years ago today, I was induced into labor and was told my baby Isabel would arrive the next day. It would be a "normal" delivery. Three years ago today, life as I knew it changed.

Things are ok now. I am blessed to have my Ava and I am blessed to have my son Luke. Still, I wonder what Isabel would have been like. Would her temperment have been like Luke's? Would she have been more like Ava?

When I held her in my arms I noticed that she looked just like me. I'm told by my sister that Luke looks just like me now.

I still have the cute little cranberry sweater with the teeny tiny buttons on the shoulder that I bought for her when I was pregnant , along with the cute little piggie outfit from Gymboree that I bought in hopes for her to wear once she arrived.

Her urn still sits in our hutch. I'm not ready to let any of it go. The clothes that were meant for her, will remain with me. She will too because I still can't stand the thought of burying her.

About a week after Isabel's delivery, I received a note in the mail from Gerri and Georgie, my mom's cousins, telling us that they sent a rose bush in honor of her to my parents house to be planted in her memory.

Two years ago, but not to this day, my father gave me this picture. It's a photo of one of the roses from Isabel's rose bush. I hung it on my fridge alongside all of the ones I had posted of Ava. I looked at it daily.  I looked at it everytime I fixed a meal, everytime I got a drink, and everytime I made a snack (which is a whole lot of viewings a day because you all know how much I love my snacks).

It was one year ago today that I posted this picture of Isabel's rose in honor of her on my Facebook page. It was one year ago today that my friend Sally asked if one of the petals was really heart shaped. I didn't know what she was talking about so I had to go back and take another look at the picture.

I couldn't believe my eyes. There it was right in front of me all of that time and I never noticed it before.

I asked her if she thought it was a sign and she said that she was sure of it and that she was convinced that it was Isabel sending me her love.

It was one year ago today that a friend opened my eyes to a heart shaped petal that restored a little bit of my Faith.

Tomorrow is June 19th, Isabel's delivery date. It was also my maternal Grandfather, Joseph's Birthday.   I remember my mom telling us that it was his Birthday in the hospital while my dad was holding Isabel in his arms.  My dad immediately looked down at Isabel and smiled and said, "Filomena's got you now." Filomena was my maternal Grandmother. It was one of the most poignant moments in my life.

Tomorrow Stephen and I have plans to go out to dinner to celebrate Father's Day and we will celebrate because we have two little ones to be very grateful for.

Tomorrow I imagine there will also be a big celebration in Heaven.

I'm sending them all my love.

New Beginnings

2010-06-18T06:06:00.000-07:00

Summer break has begun and I am happy. Last night we were invited to attend the annual end of year picnic for Ava's new school. What a great time. It was a pot luck picnic in the park. Everyone brought a dish to share and people made everything from buffalo wings to salads, pizza to wraps. As the line grew, one of the dads quickly picked up trays of food and started to pass out hot dogs and pot stickers to those waiting on line for food. That and the many conversations going on made the line move quickly.

We easily joined in with the other parents and set out our picnic blanket and joined in watching the rocket launchings. Yes, the rocket launchings. Ava's new school has a lot of after school clubs, one of which we learned yesterday is Rocket Club. The club is for the Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd graders. They build cool looking rockets and with the help of an adult, launch them every year at the annual picnic. Stephen was so excited! He turned to Ava and said, "Do you want to join Rocket Club?!!!" To which she replied, "Nope."

That's okay, Stephen will get his chance to join Rocket Club when Luke goes to school there.

Stephen played freeze tag with the kids, we socialized with a lot of other adults, and were immediately recruited by one of the moms at the school to volunteer at an upcoming event.

Ava noticed that one of her new teachers was there and immediately jumped up saying let's say hi!" We did. Ava then ran around with the other kids and immediately made a new friend.

It was clear to both Stephen and I that Ava has already made the transition into her new school with ease, and so have we.

It was such a refreshing evening and we could not be happier about the change.

Every end is a new beginning.

The Segment

2010-05-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

I was asked by my Weight Watcher leader to do a 3-4 minute segment on Mommyhood and weight loss for the open house tonight. Still not exactly sure of what I'm going to say, but I DO like to talk about myself so I'm thinking it'll be a breeze ;)

I actually haven't lost much weight this year, have basically just been maintaining. I've been getting more compliments lately though, so I'm thinking that all of the kickboxing I do has been paying off and has made me lose inches.

Part of the standstill with the weight loss is actually a very good thing and it's that I feel so good about myself now. I've lost a tremendous amount of weight since having Ava and clothes shopping has become a lot of fun, rather than something I dread.

Plus, I was watching the View a couple of weeks ago and they did a segment on a new study which revealed that women carrying 10-15 lbs of extra weight are actually healthier. Something about the extra weight warding off osteoporosis and making us all look a lot younger. It will not surprise you to hear that I am a HUGE fan of this new study. Kudos to the studiers is what I say!

I hope I can offer some good tips to help the other moms tonight. I know the biggest challenges I've faced with food as a mom has a lot to do with emotional eating. My pregnancy with Luke was so stressful after suffering the loss of Isabel, and his emergency delivery was so startling to me, that as soon as I came home from the hospital with him I started fixing myself big bowls of ice cream mixed with Entenmann's chocolate cake to soothe my nerves. I had been through a lot so I allowed myself that, for a while anyway. But then I went back to my meetings and I am much happier and healthier for it.

I want my kids to be proud of me. I like it when Ava tells me I look pretty, even if she qualifies it......Direct quote..."Mommy you're pretty but you're PRETTIER with your make-up on, BUT, you look pretty without your make-up on too, BUT ,you look SOOOOO much prettier when your make-up is on." Thanks honey. I'll take it.

Well, I have many thoughts to organize and a 3-4 minute segment to plan. I hope I do a good job tonight.

Wish me luck!

What are the challenges that you face when it comes to weight loss and mommyhood?

Changed for Good

2010-04-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

This has been the year of the Broadway show for me and I've been loving every minute of it.   I've seen both Lion King and Wicked for the 2nd time, God of Carnage, Next to Normal, we've got tickets for A Behanding in Spokane (Stephen's pick because he's a huge Christopher Walken fan) and we're also planning on taking Ava to see Mary Poppins as one of her Birthday gifts.

I've always loved seeing shows and have seen quite a lot of them in the past, but really hadn't visited the theatre much in recent years. Now the kids are getting to an age where they're happy to stay with a babysitter, which is making it easier to go out.  We live minutes from the city, so it seems silly not to take advantage of all that's at our fingertips and it's been a great year so far in the sense that I'm coming back to who I am. Doing things that I love. I'm feeling quite fortunate.

I'm a sensistive soul though and find myself tearing up at some of the performances. The talent is amazing and some of the songs so touching.  The following words from the song "For Good" from Wicked really touched me and got me thinking.

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you"..."Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good."

I sat there in the theatre and started looking back on my life. I thought of all of those who have touched it in both positive and negative ways. All bringing forth lessons. All have helped me to grow, even if the lessons I learned were hard, and ones I didn't want to learn.

I thought of Isabel too. I was flooded with memories of her delivery. I remembered holding her in my arms. Measuring her tiny foot against my pinky finer. I remembered how devastaed I was when I had to let her go...."So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re-written mine."

Life is tough. But, I am stronger for having her. I am fortunate to have held her in my arms, even if it was only for one day.

It's true that I have become tougher, I no longer just let things go.  I have less tolerance for the bullshit. I see things and people very clearly now. I stand up for myself. I speak out. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I can say that I have been changed for good.

I see my daughter Ava learning tough lessons at such a young age and it breaks my heart, but they are lessons she must learn. I see so much of myself in her.

There are those who come into our lives and lift our spirits. I received a note from a friend recently that I will hold on to forever....

One day recently, I could tell that she was having a tough day...she looked so sad, so I wanted to do something for her, to show her that I was there for her. I knew that she liked these chocolate covered pretzels that I make so I whipped some up to give her the next day. Not a big deal, just a little something. In turn, she did something so kind. She sent me a note of thanks and like I said, it's one that I will keep forever. In it she wrote, "You have eyes that see. What a gift." Such a simple sentence, but one that touched me so deeply and lifted me up. Her words are those I will never forget.

My daughter Ava is blessed with eyes that see. She's a very empathetic, caring, and kind hearted kid.  It is my prayer for her that she has the strength to stand up for herself, to recognize who her friends are, and that life's tough lessons don't weaken her spirit, but in fact, build her up and make her even stronger.

I believe that they will.

"People come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow."

And we are changed for good.

It's a Beautiful Morning

2010-04-22T05:52:00.000-07:00

I'm back. My Weight Watcher leader asked me to do a little 3-4 minute segment at an upcoming open house discussing weight loss and mommyhood and she suggested I mention my blog. Thank you Julia for inspiring me to get back to it.

Spring is here and I am happy. Poor kids have allergies though so I've kept Ava home from school for the past couple of days. She was way worse on Monday and Tuesday but she insisted she go in. Seems the days at school this week proved too much for her though seeing that she doesn't want to go back. Perhaps tomorrow.

I don't mind. I like having her home with me. It's just pre-K and I won't have the luxury of her company on weekdays once Kindergarten starts, and Kindergarten is right around the corner. I thought I'd be sadder than I am, being that sending her to pre-k was so difficult for me, but I'm excited for her. Naturally, I'm sure come August I will be having flashbacks of pushing my perfect baby girl in her stroller but that's par for the course as a mom.

It's going to be okay because I'm very excited about her new school. That is definitely helping things. As each day passes, it's revealed to me more and more how lucky we are that we've gotten this spot, and everyday I feel more and more blessed. She'll be entering a Charter School. Charter schools are run just like private schools, only paid for by public funds. Jackpot! Or, as a couple of people pointed out to me, Ava's got the golden ticket!...as there were only 12 spots open for Kindergarten and she has one of them. God was definitely smiling down on us that day.

Boy does it feel good to write again! I'll save more for another day though because, as you know, I have my best girl home with me today and we're going to spend some quality time together. It's time to play Candy Land.

Perfect start to a beautiful day!

Cactus-Pear Margarita's

2010-03-11T10:46:00.000-08:00

I'm not a big margarita fan but when my husband and I went to Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill about a month ago, I decided to try his famed Cactus-Pear Margarita. It was delicious!

The kids and I had planned to spend last weekend at my sisters, as she had planned a little party with some good friends of ours and I thought it would be the perfect time to try out the recipe myself.

I went ahead and ordered the Prickly Pear syrup needed for the recipe from Cheri's Desert Harvest. I don't care for sweet drinks very much and neither do my sister or friends, so I tweaked Bobby Flay's recipe to suit our taste.

Here's what I did.

Ingredients (makes 2 drinks)
4 ounces white tequila
1 ounce Triple Sec
1 ounce cactus pear syrup (a.k.a. prickly pear syrup)
1 ounce fresh lime juice
Ice cubes
Lime wedge
Coarse salt, optional

Here's what you do
Combine tequila, Triple Sec, cactus pear syrup, lime juice and ice cubes in a cocktail shaker and shake for 10 seconds.

Now, of course you can do this.

But, I prefer to use this. It does the same thing but it's just a lot more fun!

Serve over ice in a rocks glass with or without salt rim, garnish with lime wedge.

Aaah, they're delicious and they look pretty too!

Kookie Chocolates and Nips

2010-02-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

I've spent this snowy day relaxing in my pj's and reading Simple Abundance. I decided to share one of the authors ideas with my husband. I explained to him that I was enjoying the book but how sometimes she takes things a little too far. For example, I won't be placing a votive filled tray in front of a mirror, striking a match, and therefore ceremoniously creating my own northern lights.

What I did like was her idea of creating a "comfort drawer". A drawer full of small indulgences that you can turn to when you're feeling a little blue. I thought it was a great idea. Why not? Maybe I could put in some cozy pj's, my favorite pair of warm fuzzy socks, some cookbooks.

I enjoy making lists so I thought this would be a fun exercise for me.

I continued telling him about the comfort drawer and began reading the list of items to him that the author suggests be placed in the drawer; chocolate truffles, miniature fruit cordials, miniature after-dinner drinks, old love letters...

Stephen - "Wait...Nips?...Is she talking about nips?...Does she want you to put nips in your drawer?"

I sensed at this moment, because he was laughing so hard, that he did not share my enthusiasm towards the comfort drawer.

I said, yes, she's talking about nips.

Stephen - more laughter but now I see that tears are streaming down from his eyes and now I'm starting to laugh too.

Stephen - "Is this a real book you're reading or a jokie book?"

Me - It's a real book

Stephen - "Really? Because it seems like a jokie book, you know something Chelsea Handler would make fun of?...You're not going to start a comfort drawer are you?... Are you really going to start a comfort drawer?...You're not going to fill a drawer with kookie chocolates and nips, are you?...Did your mother give you this book?"

Now I'm laughing so hard that tears are streaming down from my eyes too.

I don't care what he says though, if I want a kookie comfort drawer, I'll make myself a kookie comfort drawer.

If you created your own comfort drawer, which items would you put in?

I'll Have What She's Having?

2010-02-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

I was reading my friend Sally's "Monday Mama Muse" on her blog last night and came across her most recent and amazing post about rediscovering yourself. I can't even believe the timing of it because this is a topic that I have been doing a lot of soul searching about lately. What do I like? Not, what does my mother, sister, friend, or the media tell me to like. What do I like? For a while it seemed I didn't even know. I was looking to the people around me to tell me what was good, what I should like.

As Sally so wisely observed and wrote in her post, kids know who they are. Kids know what they like.

I knew exactly who I was as a kid. I knew what I liked and I went with it. I truly didn't care what anyone thought of me. Then one day that changed. I'm supposing it occurred somewhere around the teenage years. At some point I think we all start to conform to the people around us a little, seeking out approval in order to fit in.

I've seen it happen to me as an adult after my daughter was born. I looked around and saw that I was a lone Graco in a sea of Bugaboo's. Thankfully my insecurities didn't push me into a $1,000 stroller purchase, but it sure did cross my mind. Not because I needed or wanted one, but because everyone else seemed to have one.

Anyhow, it didn't take long before my daughter outgrew the Graco and I became a Maclaren. When my son arrived, I was a second-hand Jane. I am now a Maclaren plus Buggy Board attachment.

I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately, both big and small to rediscover who I am.

Do I prefer to drink my coffee from a dainty china cup or a big sturdy mug? A big sturdy mug. Then why is my hutch full of paper thin china?

Is it the City or Suburbs?

Milk in my coffee or cream?

Are Ugg boots the greatest, or simply Ugg-ly?

Are you going to discover what it is YOU really want, or are you going to be a "I'll have what she's having" kind of girl?

The road to self discovery is a long one indeed.

What are the questions that you ask yourself?

Making a lot of Cents

2010-02-23T08:29:00.000-08:00

My daughter's pre-k class is collecting pennies for Haiti Partners. Last year the kids collected coins for Pennies for Peace. She enjoys this service project a lot and was really excited to receive her collection jar again this year.

Of course the aim is for the kids to fill their collection jars, but the idea is not for us to just hand over a bunch of coins to them. It's really a lovely way to get the kids thinking at a very young age about how they could be of service to others. What can they do to earn their pennies? Last year Ava helped me set the dinner table, helped Stephen and I both to prepare meals, and did kind things for her little brother.

Although she will be earning her pennies again this year, she did something else last night that really touched me.

Last night she took out her special clock purse. Her clock purse is home to her little green wallet with a pink bunny on it. She opened the change purse within and started taking out all of her coins. There were quarters and dimes, nickels and some pennies too.

She turned to me and asked if she could give her money away.

I wasn't expecting her to collect coins to give away from her own wallet.

I said of course, but then asked if she was sure that she really wanted to do that.

She said, "Yes, I'm sure, I can always get more."

Now, my daughter's collection jar is home to all of the quarters and dimes, nickels and pennies, that were once held in her little green wallet, with the pink bunny on top.

I am proud of her.

Tonight, I look forward to brainstorming with her about the ways in which she can earn the rest of the coins for her jar. I wonder what she'll say?

Simple Pleasures, Daily Joys

2010-02-22T12:30:00.000-08:00

I continued my reading of Simple Abundance this weekend, and am now up to date. The book is divided into months and then into individual days within the months. Sort of what my blog would look like, if I actually wrote something every day.

I'm taking from the book, the things that resonate with me, and then letting go of the rest.

At one point, the author suggests going to a travel agent to collect information and brochures, even if you have no intention of traveling at the moment. She then instructs her readers to go home, cut out the pictures of the locations and images they're drawn to, and begin creating a collage.

Ehhh, that was a little too much for me. Probably because I have zero interest in travel at the moment. Although, I do love to fly...once the Xanax has kicked in.

That being said, who's to say that I won't completely embrace this idea in the future. Perhaps, I will revisit the book 5 years from now, and think this is such a great idea, that I immediately start rummaging through my drawers, in search of glue and a pair of scissors.

What has resonated with me?

Enjoying the simple pleasures in life. The everyday joys we find in the life that we ARE living.  Life can be hard and it's stressful at times.  For me personally, I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom, but being at your families beck and call, 24/7, can be mentally taxing. That's why I love the fact that the place I do my kickboxing, has a special moms time slot with daycare.  I'm not hiring a nanny to go and work out, and I'm certainly not going to go to class at night when my husband gets home. For one, I'm just way too hungry a girl to go work out at dinner time, and two, there's too much to do....clean up, bathe the kids, read stories...get the kids to go to bed.

I tend to spend a lot of time planning date nights, figuring out which play I'd like to see next, looking over menus at restaurants I'd like to try. All the while placing so much importance on the event itself.

Of course the event is important, but what I realized, is that what is equally as important, is the joy I derived from reading those restaurant menus online, in my pajamas, on a Monday night.

It's the beauty that comes from the mundane from which we derive the most joy. Once you start to notice these things, you realize just how great you've got it. Just how precious and wonderful life is.

What are the things and moments that bring me the most joy?

Waking up every morning to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee brewing.  The comfort I feel when I light a Yankee candle in my home.  The rush I feel in Barnes & Noble, or when filling up my electronic shopping cart with books for my children. Reading those new books to them. Receiving and flipping through a new cookbook.  Making my grocery list. Planning the Holiday menus with my mother and sister. Cooking a meal for my family. Reading restaurant menus. Trying new foods. Baking with my daughter.  A hot shower, comfie pajamas and putting on warm fuzzy socks. Going into Dunkin Donuts for coffee and ordering it with cream and sugar, instead of milk and Splenda. Seeing the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations being put up year after year. When my son comes over wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle.  When my daughter reaches out to hold my hand. When I see my sons little hand reach out for his sisters.  There are so many little things that go on in my daily life that bring me comfort and joy.

It's also the unexpected moments in life, that are the most treasured. We planned a big day for Ava in the city.  We took her to a fancy restaurant for lunch and to see a matinee of The Lion King. It was a wonderful day.  But, do you know which days brought us all the most joy? It was the day she came running out of school announcing to me that she was chosen to be Mary in her school play. And, it was on the day of the play, when we got to see her as Mary, proudly being pulled in by her teacher, on a wooden donkey. Those are the days and the memories that really warm my heart.

What are the things in your day to day life that bring you the most joy?

Simple Abundance

2010-02-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

In one of my first ever posts, Who Is That Woman Staring Back at Me, I wrote about looking in the mirror and not even recognizing my own face anymore. For those of you who know me personally, and for those who read my blog, you know that in between my daughter and son, I had a stillborn baby girl, Isabel. It took a great toll on me emotionally and life for me will forever be divided into the time before I found out that my babies heart stopped beating, and life afterwards.

I know that you can relate, because we have all suffered loss. A good friend of mine recently lost her mother.  The other day I looked at one of the photos she posted of herself. In the photo, she was smiling, but her eyes told another story. They were glassy. They looked so sad.   My heart broke for her, knowing how difficult her road is right now, and how only time can begin to ease her grief. Her life forever divided into the time before her mom died and her life afterwards.

About 15 years ago, my mom gave me a book called Simple Abundance. I was very young then, just beginning to live my life, so it wasn't a book I could relate to at the time. Simple Abundance went unread for all of these years.  Still, I've carried it around with me from state to state, and apartment to apartment throughout my life's journey.

For some reason, I felt inspired to take it out from our bookshelf last night and began to read. It is clearly meant for me at this time in my life, as one of the first entries discusses looking in the mirror and not even recognizing your own face.   Apparantly, this phenomenon is real and has a name, it's called "displacement of self." The book goes on to say that this happens in times of great stress.

But there are every day stresses that we face as women. That we face as mothers. Especially, as mothers of small children. For example, I've been trying to write this post for about an hour now and my son has come over to me 4 times already to be nursed (I have got to get him off of the breast!), one of my daughters toys is "singing" and there is some sort of disagreement going on about a toy.

On top of the chaos going on with the kids, I've gotten two phone calls while trying to write. I am thinking about my messy apartment, the laundry that I should be doing, and wondering if the chicken that I took out for dinner tonight willl be defrosted in time.

I am being pulled in all different directions.

I am growing more and more frustrated because all I really want to do is get this post done, because writing is something for me, something I've been doing to get back to who I am. Right now, it seems impossible, and is becoming a great source of stress.

But, as the late, great, John Lennon said, "Life is What Happens to you while you are busy making other plans."

So, as the author of Simple Abundance suggests, even though I'm feeling a little harried, I am going to focus on all that I have to be grateful for. I will start a journal and every day I will write down 5 of the things that I have to be grateful for on that given day. Today, I will share them with you.

1) My beautiful daughter Ava, and the blessing of a perfect and joyful pregnancy with her.

2) The day I spent holding my daughter Isabel and the fact that my sister, mother and father came to my side that day, and held my baby too.

3) Dr. Manny Alvarez, the physician who took such good care of me during my pregnancy with Luke, and who ultimately saved my sons life.  I thank God every day for Luke.

4) Being a stay at home mom.

5) The 3 bedroom, city apartment, that I am going to have to spend the rest of my day cleaning.

What 5 things do you feel grateful for today?

School Days, School Daze

2010-02-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

I said in my Resolutions for the New Year post that I was going to challenge myself to write through the times when I am struggling with something personal. As you can see by my lack of blog entries for the months of January and February, I had a difficult time doing so.

It wasn't even a personal struggle, in fact it was a blessing. I prayed for something very specific for my children and that prayer was answered.

Still, it is a time of transition, and so as not to sound annoyingly mysterious, I'm going to share with you that my daughter got into our school of choice for Kindergarten.

It's wonderful and exciting, and quite a relief. Choosing a school when you live in a city is not an easy task. In fact, it can be down-right grueling. It's not like it was where I grew up, and everyone just went to the schools that were closest to their homes. This was a much more stressful process.

So, I'm feeling pretty great, very thankful and optimistic for the upcoming school years!

I am just hoping that I am able to do more writing and that this post wakes me out of my funk. I do not know why I am struggling so much. I don't know if what I have been experiencing is writer's block? If I just haven't had anything interesting to say? Maybe it's some sort of seasonal depression? Am I bored of blogging? I don't know what it is, but I just haven't felt inspired to write in a really long time.

Have any of you ever experienced this? Does anyone out there have any tips on how I might be able to get my creative juices flowing again?

What do you do to push through the times when you are struggling?

Chocolate covered M&M pretzels

2010-02-09T10:45:00.000-08:00

Mmmmm, just in time for Valentine's Day....chocolate covered pretzels with M&M's!

This is a delicious, super easy recipe, that I got from my cousin Andrea. I love the combination of salty and sweet! My daughter and I make them to give to friends during the Holidays. We give them out at Christmas, when M&M's comes out with their Holiday mix, containing only reds and greens. We make them for Valentine's Day, when M&M's are sold in special packages containing only red, white and pinks. Then again on Easter, when they come out with packages containing only pastels.

Ingredients

Salted mini pretzels

Chocolate wafers

M&M's

Here's what you do

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, to make clean up a breeze (do not spray or grease).

Line salted mini pretzels along the entire cookie sheet.

Place chocolate wafers on top of pretzels (you can get them at craft stores like A.C. Moore).

Place in the oven for about 2-3 minutes, just enough time for the chocolate wafer to melt a little bit.

Remove from oven and start pressing 2 M&M's into each chocolate wafer. I like to mix the colors up a bit to make them look prettier.

Place in fridge to cool.

Place them in decorative bags, jars or tins, or use them to decorate your cookie trays.

Liquid Crack

2010-02-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

I went to my Weight Watchers meeting last night and was disappointed to see that I was only down 1 1/2 lbs for the week. Normally, I'd be psyched, but I went to kickboxing 4 times last week!!! This was the week it was ALL supposed to melt off! I was envisioning a 3-4 lb weight loss. I imagined myself up at the scale and the receptionist saying, "WOW! Anne Marie!!! You did REALLY well this week!!! How DID you do it?" I would smile and tell her all about my kickboxing efforts. I would proudly go on and on about how I pushed myself to finally break through the plateau I've been experiencing since the Summer.

Not so much.

Was it the Cadbury mini eggs that did it? Was it the cake from Carlo's I sampled at the Birthday party we went to Saturday afternoon? It couldn't be, I only took a few bites and I didn't go over my points for the week, with either of those delectable treats.

What could it have been then?

I found out this morning, in my grocer's dairy case, as I reached for the LIQUID CRACK I've been drinking all week. Liquid crack, most cleverly and deceptively, disguised as Hazlenut International Delight coffee creamer. I've been drinking it in my coffee. I've been pouring it into my tea.

Mmmmmmmmmmm. This stuff is DEEEEEEEEE-licious!

I picked up that creamer this morning and took a little gander at its nutritional label....

Oh no! What's this? 45 calories and 2 grams of fat a tablespoon! In ONE tablespoon? How much of this stuff have I been drinking? I don't think it's just been a tablespoon. Maybe 2? Could it have been 3? 3 tablespoons of this stuff in each cup of coffee and/or tea that I drink in a day? How much coffee and tea HAVE I been drinking? I've been drinking A LOT. Has it been 4 cups? Gosh, have I been drinking 5 cups of coffee a day? That's 3 points per cup! That's 12 - 15, unaccounted for, points per day!!!!!!!!!!!! That's 84-105 extra points this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you know that I am so hooked on this stuff that it took all of my self control just to put it back on the shelf?!!!

I'll just have a little. Yeah, it'll be ok, just a little. I'll only allow myself to put it in one cup of coffee a day. I'll even measure it out. Just one tablespoon a day. Well, I mean, one really isn't enough. Just two. Just two tablespoons a day.....It's ok, it's only a little.

Giving it a Good Kick!

2010-01-31T09:07:00.000-08:00

Just got back from kickboxing class. My 4th class this week.

Had to go a 4th time this week, to burn off the Cadbury mini-eggs I rewarded myself with, for going to class 3 times this week.

Note to self: Don't do that again!

Subway to Heaven

2010-01-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

Last night, before bed, my daughter told me she missed Isabel.

She doesn't mention her very often, so I'm always taken aback when she does.

She was so little when Isabel was delivered...just two years old, so obviously, I know that she can't really miss her.

That being said, I told her that I missed her too, and then assured her that we would all be together someday in Heaven.

She said, "I don't think so."

I asked, why not?

"Heaven is just too many train rides away, don't ya think?"

Inquiring Minds

2010-01-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

Since it's so cold outside today, my daughter and I decided, in order to keep her warm and toasty, she should wear a long sleeved shirt and a pair of leggings underneath her Tae Kwon Do uniform.

I suggested her gray pair, citing they'd be perfect because they wouldn't be too flashy underneath her uniform.

She told me that she does not like the color gray, said it didn't "suit her."

I just wanted her to put on the pair of pants, so, I tried to convince her of what a lovely color I thought gray was...How nice it looked with purple and pink.

Her reply...

"Mommy, if you love gray so much, how come you don't like it in your hair?"

I Wan Dat

2010-01-05T05:36:00.000-08:00

I wan dat.

I WAN DAT!

I.......WAN...... DAT!!!

What my son screamed, while running into the kitchen from our living room, deperately trying to communicate to me, that I should NOT throw away the strawberries my daughter was too full to finish at lunchtime.

He wanted them!!!

awwww, my baby's first sentence.

Resolutions for the New Year

2010-01-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

I've been giving some thought to the changes I'd like to make this year. I realize most are coming down to wiping out the clutter and excess in my life.

De-cluttering our home is big on my list. As you may have read in my blog post, To Shred or Not to Shred, I've already gone through and shredded our old paperwork. Binging and Purging tells the story of how I've gone through the kids toys, stuffed animals and books.

Now for the rest of the apartment.

The thought of all of this cleaning/downsizing, overwhelms me. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I tend to shut down. A little trick I use to overcome this feeling, is to go through the rooms in our apartment and clean only 10 things at a time. It breaks it down into a smaller and more manageable task, and it works for me. I reminded myself of this little trick this morning while cleaning up the apartment.

As for my desire to wipe out the excess... I've begun by combing through our bills and getting rid of the things that we just don't need or use. We haven't plugged our house phone in since we moved into our apartment 3 years ago, yet we were paying the phone company $30 a month for this service.

Aside from Curb Your Enthusiasm and Flight of the Concords, we don't watch anything on the premium cable channels.....so those are gone now too. It's cheaper to order the whole season of these shows on DVD at Amazon.com, than it is to pay the cable company for this service.

It feels good to take charge of our home.

Next up on my list is to set and reach my goal at Weight Watchers. My goal for the Holidays was to maintain my current weight and I am happy to report that I did!

I'm almost at goal, but the sooner I reach it, the sooner I become what they call a Lifetime Member. Lifetime Members do not have to pay any monthly fees. Aaaah, shedding excess weight and spending at the same time! What a great accomplishment that will be.

What I'd like to focus on this year, that has nothing to do with clutter or excess, is to keep focused on my writing.

As you probably know, I'm a stay at home mom. I actually love it. I'm living my dream! It was always my opinion, that in spite of her in-laws, Debra Barone was living the life! However, the time will come, when I will go back to work, and what I'd really like to do is write.

I've found in times, when I'm struggling with something personal, I don't blog very much. This is because I have clear boundaries of what I will and will not blog about. Which reminds me....I just read my friend Alicia's most recent blog post and loved it. In it she talks about MommyBloggers. Her site is called How I Became a Tattooed Mommy and you can check her out by clicking here.

Anyhow, I'd like to challenge myself to push through and write through those times. Not to write about them, but to challenge myself to blog, in spite of them.

What resolutions have you made for the new year?

A Lesson in Muffin Making

2010-01-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

My daughter loves corn muffins, and before going to sleep last night, she told me how she wished she could have one, right then, for a snack.

I remembered that we had some pre-packaged corn muffin mix in the pantry, so I told her we could whip some up for breakfast this morning.

This was the first time while making muffins, that I let her scoop the batter into the muffin tins, all by herself.

It was an interesting experience for me in letting go. She was making a MESS!

I gave her a metal ice cream scoop, thinking it would be the easiest method. I think it was, however, being that she's only 4, not all of the batter was making it inside the muffin part of the tin. Naturally, some was being spilled on the top portion of the pan. She was trying to "fix" this problem by smoothing the batter, with the bottom of the ice cream scoop, on top of the tin.

My first instinct, was to take the scoop out of her little hand and start scooping myself. I held myself back though and simply told her that we were going to have to clean up the spill with a napkin or paper towel instead.

I told her that she was doing a great job, that I was proud of her, and then I started washing the dishes in the sink, so I didn't have to watch.

Overall, she did a great job and most of the batter made it where it was supposed to.

It was an interesting lesson for me, in just letting her be. It's so simple, but how is she going to feel confident, strong and secure in her ability to make the big decisions she'll face in life, or have faith in herself and believe that she can do anything she sets her mind to, if I can't even let her put muffin mix into a tin without ~~criticizing~~ micromanaging?

I believe that the most important and greatest gift, aside from love, that a mom can give her daughter, is to instill and foster in her, a great sense of confidence.

My brother and his girlfriend have a little thing where they ask my daughter, "Who's better than you?" and my daughter shouts, "No one!!!!"

I smile and think to myself, that's right baby girl. No one.

The Games We Play

2010-01-02T14:12:00.000-08:00

We had a really good time at my sister's place yesterday, and now the kids and I are back home.

I'm looking forward to this evening, as my daughter and I will be playing cards together again tonight. I love to play games and I'm really excited that she's now at the age where I have a partner in gaming.

It's hard to choose, but some of my favorites are Catch Phrase, Taboo, Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble. I LOVE card games too. My friends and I from back home used to play 9-5 Set Back all of the time. Those are times that I really miss.

My daughter is not ready for these games yet, but we have played a lot of Candy Land, Connect 4 and Chutes and Ladders in the past, and most recently, UNO.
Boy am I glad that I tried this card game with her, because we've been having a lot of fun playing together on a nightly basis. This time spent with her is something that I look forward to all day.

Another card game, that I've recently introduced to her, is called Skip-Bo. It's another one of my favorites, by the makers of Uno. She's enjoying this game too and it's great because it's reinforcing her knowledge of numbers.

I'm impressed at how well she's done.
What are some of your families favorites?

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

It's New Year's day and we'll be heading over to my sisters today to celebrate. Spending New year's Day together is a tradition that we started a few years ago, and I always look forward to it.

It's also a tradition in our family to eat pork on New Year's Day...sometimes it's pork gravy and macaroni, pork chops and sauerkraut, and on our menu today, are breaded pork chops sliced up for sandwiches.

A food we avoid today? Chicken.

My mom always told us that if you eat pork on New Year's Day you'll "eat off the fat of the land." Eat chicken and "you'll scratch all year!" I figure, why jinx ourselves, so I always go for the pork and avoid chicken like the plague.

I just looked up this superstition and found an article that I really enjoyed on Epicurious, entitled, "Lucky Foods for the New Year." They say "the custom of eating pork on New Year's is based on the idea that pigs symbolize progress. The animal pushes forward, rooting itself in the ground before moving".

As for chicken, it is "discouraged because the bird scratches backwards, which could cause regret or dwelling on the past. Another theory warns against eating any winged fowl because good luck could fly away".

Another lucky food that I read about this morning are grapes. Apparantly you are to eat 12 of them on the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve. The tradition started in Spain. Had I known about this last night, I would have been popping grapes last night, like I do Light Lays potato chips!

Luck and money aside, my hope and prayer for my family and yours in this upcoming new year, is that God blesses us all with peace and calm, courage and strength, knowledge and understanding and most of all, with love.

Happy New Year Everyone.

To Shred or Not to Shred

2009-12-30T18:21:00.000-08:00

What's in the bags? Paperwork. Shredded paperwork to be precise. Four bags full of shredded paperwork that dated back to 2003. Today was part two of the therapeutic clean up, meant to cure my claustrophobia blues, rather, the funk that I've been in, since returning to our city apartment, from my parents house in the suburbs.

The bags hold random paperwork from the Pediatricians describing various vaccines and rashes, Chalazions and Rotovirus. Manuals that belong to electronics that we don't even own anymore, such as the $300 Hoover vaccuum that lasted about a year. This time we went with a tiny $60 Eureka, which I am certain will last at least twice as long.

I saved receipts from the DJ we hired at our wedding to check stubs from when I was working. I was holding on to checkbooks from accounts that have been closed for years to cell phone bills from a company that we switched from years ago.

All gone.

I have to say that it felt really good and I feel like I am making some headway. It was actually pretty fun and I'm thankful that my sister gave me her little shredder when she moved to her new place. It was high time that I actually used it.

A good friend called during my shredding party of one. She had just read my blogpost entitled Binging and Purging and she knew just how I was feeling. We go back and forth on the pros and cons of city vs. suburban life all of the time, as we are both from the burbs.

By the end of our phone call, I knew that I would be feeling better soon, as I always do. In a few days, I will not be able to imagine life anywhere other than here, but until then, I will continue to clean.

The best part, is that I will have a perfectly uncluttered apartment once I'm there.

Perhaps I will do some shopping to celebrate!!!!

Just Kidding.

Stuffed Toy Clean Up - Before and After

2009-12-30T07:15:00.000-08:00

Below are the before and after pictures of our big stuffed toy clean up. I think that we did a really good job. I'm surprised that my daughter was so great about giving up so many of her toys and I think the next go-round will be even easier.

You can read all about my break-down, which inspired this clean up, in my previous post entitled Binging and Purging.

BEFORE

AFTER

The ZOO

Binging and Purging

2009-12-29T08:44:00.000-08:00

We arrived back to our city apartment on Sunday afternoon, after the kids and I spent a week at my parents house in the suburbs for Christmas. I was so depressed. I started putting the kids toys away and wondered where I was going to store all of their new toys. I started to open and put away my Christmas presents from my parents, one of which was a Temptations bowl set from QVC, which I absolutely love, and I began to get teary. Where was I going to find room for these? I took it a bit further and got upset that I have no counter space for the Kitchenaid I want, for all of the baking I intend for my daughter and I to do, trying out all of the new recipes from all of our new cookbooks.

In an instant, I climbed up on a chair in the kitchen and removed a set of margarita glasses and a pitcher from the top shelf of the cubbard and I threw them in a garbage bag. A couple of unused vases and random pottery were casualties of my kitchen clean up as well. Since the margarita set was only used once since I received it 6 years ago, it HAD TO GO! The one and only time I used it wasn't even for drinks. I used it to put the chocolate covered pretzels in it, that I made for the Dora The Explorer themed Birthday party I had thrown for my daughter's 3rd Birthday.

We don't live like "normal" people, I cried to my sister. Yes, poor Joannie got to be on the receiving end of a phone call I made describing my claustrophobia. "We live in the city" she said, and began describing how all of us that do, are for the most part, all in the same boat. I cried to my mother too. They both offered helpful advice to talk me down from the ledge.

So, yesterday, my daughter and I went through all of the old toys and stuffed animals in their playroom. We emptied the ZOO, and she told me which stuffed animals and dolls were most important to her to keep. We gathered some old books and toys to be donated, and are choosing a few to keep at Grandma and Pop Pop's house for when we stay with them.... One of 3 pull toys, one of two toy phones, 3 of many stuffed toys...you get the picture. We made a huge dent but still have more to go.

I started going through some of my closets and drawers too and I threw out 3 huge black garbage bags full of stuff we don't use. I'm ordering more super slim hangers from Bed Bath and Beyond today and will continue to empty out closets and drawers.

Next and most painful step..... going through the kids baby items that I can't seem to let go of. The crib monitor, the crib sheets, co-sleeper covers, my Boppy, the baby bottles, blankets....I'm getting all teary as I write this. So, perhaps I will save that for another day, when I'm not feeling so sad.

The Competition

2009-12-22T07:06:00.000-08:00

Bright and early, this past Sunday morning, my mom made Rice Krispies Treats Holiday Houses, for the big event; Our 1st annual Rice Krispies Treats Christmas House Decorating Competition.

The contestants: me, my daughter, Joanne (my sister), my mother and Rose Marie, my brother's girlfriend.

The judge: My father, a.k.a, Pop Pop

My mom had all sorts of deliciousness separated into bowls for use as decorations on our Christmas houses; Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Reese's Pieces, M&M's, pretzel rods, Twix bars, chocolate chips, coconut, oreo cookies and dried cranberries, to name a few.

My mother insisted that we all wear a special Christmas hat during the competition. Our choices; one of 2 Santa hats, one of 2 Elf hats, a choice between 3 reindeer antlers or a baseball cap complete with moose antlers which says, "Merry KrisMoose." I chose the Santa cap.

Below are our houses:

This one is mine. The green M&M's on the top portion of my house are meant to be a wreath. The 4 red M&M's dangling down from said wreath depict a festive ribbon The pretzel sticks with yellow Reese's Pieces are beautiful candles flickering for all passerby's to enjoy and admire, through brown M&M windows. As you can tell from the red M&M's that fill the front, my Christmas house is really a Brownstone. The coconut on the top of said brownstone is snow...I stole the snow idea from my sister Joanne.

This one is my daughter's. She did a great job!

My mother's.

Rose Marie's house.

Here is my sister Joanne's house. She's a bit of a show-off with her fancy Christmas trees and snowman. Yes, it's true, I'm just jealous that I didn't think of it first. Well done Aunt Joannie!!!! You did an amazing job!!!

Naturally, Pop Pop chose my daughter as winner. Joanne came in 2nd place and my mother, Rose Marie and I all tied for 3rd place!!!! Awww, thanks for judging Pop Pop!!! I look forward to next year's competition. Watch out Aunt Joannie...I'll be coming for YOU!!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!

Winter Wonderland

2009-12-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

It's just a few days before Christmas and the kids and I are spending time with my parents. We're having a great time at Grandma and Pop Pop's.

There was a big snowstorm yesterday and I awoke this morning to my daughter asking if I thought that if she looked outside the window, she would see a "Winter Wonderland!"

After assuring her that she would, my daughter excitedly ran to the window to see.

All of a sudden I heard my shocked little girl say, Oh NO!!!! Mommy, there's a truck outside taking all of the snow away!!!

The snowplow had come to plow the streets.

An Unexpected Twist

2009-12-01T06:34:00.000-08:00

My mom treated the kids to a trip to Build-A-Bear last week for an early Christmas gift. They loved it! It was their second trip there, and my daughter was even more excited to go than the first time, because she knew what to expect. She couldn't wait to give her stuffed creation a bath!

My daughter picked out a pink bear which she dressed in a pink princess outfit and ~~glass~~ plastic slippers. She named her Princess.

My son chose a black bear, which my daughter named Blackie, and my mother chose a green, blue and white striped dress shirt and vest for him.

My son, however, preferred his bear, much like himself, to be naked, and cried at the sight of his bear all dressed up.

Thankfully, his tears dried when we undressed Blackie and he was further cheered by the fact that Jingle Bell Rock plays when you press Blackie's paw.

It was a wonderful morning.

When we returned home to Grandma and Pop Pop's, my brother, Uncle Johnny, had another treat in store for the kids.... a trip to the ZOO!!!

We all had a great time there too. My daughter was thrilled with the site of the peacocks, which were roaming freely. We also saw a bear and some tigers, a condor, monkey, otter and a blue poisonous dart frog, to name a few.

There was a huge birds nest which belonged to a bald eagle and we all posed by a statue of an enormous cow. Both kids got a huge kick out of that!

Before we went home, the kids and I even took a ride on the Merry-Go-Round.

It was a really great day for them and naturally, their joy made all of us feel very happy too.

Before my daughter fell asleep that night, I asked her what her favorite part of the day was.

Was it Buld-A-Bear?

Would she choose the Zoo? Perhaps the ride on the Merry-Go-Round?

"The lovely, red, soft meat".........

My mom made filet-mignon for dinner.

The Prep Work Has Begun

2009-11-25T08:45:00.000-08:00

We're having a great week so far at my parents and the prep work for Thanksgiving has begun! Our truffles are made and came out beautifully. Last night, my daughter helped my brother, Uncle Johnny, and his girlfriend make a beautiful pound cake with cafe mocha ganache. Looks delicious! These treats are new additions to our list of Holiday favorites....pecan, minced meat, pumpkin, and coconut custard pies.

Now on to the savory dishes.... My daughter and sister have prepped the sweet potato ravioli's, which will be served as our pasta course, before the main event. I diced up some pepperoni and my mom is shredding cheddar for a pepperoni puff appetizer I found in one of my mom's Gooseberry Patch cookbooks.

The Pepperoni Puffs are a new addition to our appetizer course which consists of an Antipasto; Italian meats and cheeses, stuffed mushrooms, olives, roasted red peppers, cream cheese and olive stuffed celery, figs, hot artichoke dip, spinach dip and an assortment of fresh veggies and crackers. I also make a delicious Giada DeLaurentis recipe in which you top slices of oven toasted baguette, with a mixture of gorgonzola and walnuts, which you top with a drizzle of honey. I will share these recipes in future blog posts.

For now, I have to go and help finish some of the prep work.

It's Been a While

2009-11-22T08:16:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since my last post. Things have been busy and a little stressful. Looking forward to the week ahead, as the kids and I will be spending the week with my family for Thanksgiving. It will be a wonderful, and much needed break. I look forward to getting some Christmas shopping done, while my parents watch the kids, seeing old friends, spending time with my family, and also, lounging around on the couch in my pajamas, while watching The Hallmark Channel. Their corny Christmas programming has begun and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! aaah, I feel like a kid again when I'm there.

My daughter and I just made our Heavenly Chocolate Chunk Cookies to bring to Grandma and Pop Pop's house. Our Christmas Truffles will have to wait to be made and their house though, because we've been doing so much baking lately, that the motor on my handmixer burned out, after baking the cookies this morning. I've packed up all of the ingredients, so we're ready to go! If anyone can recommend a good sturdy handmixer, I'd appreciate it. I think my mom is buying me one for my Birthday though, so there may be one waiting for me there already.

Now...it's time to finish our packing.

Slippery When Wet

2009-11-11T06:24:00.000-08:00

I've finally found a way to keep my son out of the bathroom.

I know, I know, I wish it were that simple, we can't just shut the door.

We have a cat. It's my husband's cat. He's had him for 16 years now. His name is Hobbes. Hobbes' litter box is in the bathroom, so the door to the bathroom must be kept open at all times.

Due to the open bathroom-door policy in our house, there is a point in everyday that I have to drag my son, screaming out of the bathroom.

He loves to play in the bathroom. He likes to play in the toilet, he likes to play in the sink. He likes to move my daughter's Dora the Explorer stepstool all over our tiny little bathroom. Mostly to move it over to the sink, where he steps on it and says, "bath, bath". That's how he tells us he wants to wash his hands.

One day, while moving the stool, he fell into the litter box. We heard, "Mommy, Mommy," and there he was sitting in the cat box, crying and scared, with his little bottom lip curled under and quivering, as his little legs and feet dangled over the side.

He likes to brush his teeth. a.k.a. suck the toothpaste off of his toothbrush and then run around the house with it.

When my daughter is taking a bath, he cries to join her. Again, "bath, bath." We always let him go in and he's fine until the time comes to wash his hair. I pick up the big red plastic cup from the ledge, used to pour water all over his head, and he immediately starts to get upset.

This tiny act sends him into a panic. He stands up in the tub and will not sit back down. He's crying at this point and puts his arms out to me, as if to say, Mommy get me out of here!

So, I quickly wet, wash and rinse his hair. I do it really quickly because hysterically crying, wet and slippery baby, standing up in the tub, gives me a little scare. By the end of the hair washing, he is absolutely beside himself.

This has been going on for months now. Stephen and I always comment on how he HAS to go into the bath tub, yet HATES it.

This morning the light bulb finally went off. I see my son in the bathroom, standing by the side of the tub. He's pulling the shower curtain back with his little left hand while pointing into the bath tub with his right hand, saying, "bath, bath."

And it finally comes to me....I say,

Hey there honey, want to play in the bath tub? Mommy will make a nice bath for you!

I then proceeded to fix my right hand as if I were holding the big red cup. I made a pouring motion and said..

Mommy will pour the BIG red cup, FULL of water, ALL OVER YOUR HEAD... I'll wash your hair!.... I then used my hands to pretend that I was washing his hair and said Washie, Washie!

This sent my son running and screaming OUT of the bathroom.

Ahhh...if only I had thought of this sooner.

Baking with Kids - Mexican Wedding Cookies

2009-11-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

My daughter and I made Mexican Wedding cookies together the other day. I had never made them before but my mom and her cousin made them together last year and I just loved them. I didn't use their recipe, only because I didn't have it. This one is from Gooseberry Patch.

Ingredients

1 c. butter or margarine, softened

1/4 c. powdered sugar

1 t. almond extract

2 c. all-purpose flour

1/4 c. walnuts, finely chopped

powdered sugar

Here's What You Do

Beat first three ingredients until creamy. Stir in flour and nuts. Chill for a couple of hours. Make small balls and bake at 375 degrees for about 17 minutes. Cool a little and toss in powdered sugar. Makes about 2 1/2 dozen.

After we made the cookie batter, I flipped through a Holiday baking magazine and found a different recipe for Mexican Wedding cookies, which contained double the amount of powdered sugar and pecans instead of the walnuts. I bet those would be delicious too.

These cookies were very good and simple to make too. I'm always surprised at how much I like cookies that don't contain chocolate. I never think that they're going to be as delicious, yet after tasting them am always pleasantly surprised by how much I like them.

Happy Anniversary!

2009-11-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

Stephen and I are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate our 6th Wedding Anniversary. I went to the salon today to get all dolled up for our big night out. I love going out with "pretty hair" fresh from the salon.

In fact, I planned my holiday hair appointments well in advance on days that I knew we would be going out to dinner. What a ~~dork~~, highly organized and intentional person I am, right?

I hired a babysitter for the kids so they didn't have to come with me.

Naturally, Stephen had a field day teasing me about hiring someone to babysit so I could go to the salon.

AS if! Ok, technically, yes that is exactly what I did, but in my defense I did not expect that he would be working today and I scheduled all of my holiday hair appointments well in advance, on Saturdays, because he's normally home.

I actually learned that taking both kids to the salon with me was a horrible idea. The hard way.

The last time I went, I brought both kids with me. Talk about being in a daze, it didn't even occur to me, until we stepped inside the salon, that it was a really bad idea.

My daughter was fine but expecting a one year old little boy to sit through mommy's single process and haircut was just, let's call it, silly.

My son is a really good boy so it wasn't that I had to worry about him running around the salon or anything like that. It's just that he was naturally unhappy about having to sit still on my lap for a couple hours. A couple hours, seriously, where had I misplaced my brain?

At one point, while my head was under the ionizer, my son tried to escape my lap. I shimmied down, so as not to hit my head on the big hard plastic globe over my head, and caught my son in a vice grip between my legs to reign him back.

Visions of Suzanne Somers and the Thigh Master came to mind.

Anyhow, I had him! I then carefully shimmied back up, in attempt to put my head back underneath the ionizer AND... SMACK! went my head on the front of the ionizer.

I miscalculated.

I was so embarrassed.

Today, it was just nice to get my hair done in peace, and it was really nice to be able to pick out presents for my husband on my walk back home all by myself; a gift card at our local music store and Baba Booey cupcake from Crumbs, his favorite.

I even had time to pick out a thoughtful Anniversary card for him without any distractions.

I was even sure to ask the ladies behind the counter at the card shop if I could borrow their pen and fill it out there.

As I signed the card, I went on about how the kids were at home, and how it was best that I just fill the card out there, because naturally, the kids would need me as soon as I walked through the door... I didn't want to be distracted and not have the card filled out when Stephen got home.

Then, after yammering on and on, I realized I had just signed his card with not only my first, but our last name too. As if there would be any confusion.

I felt like an idiot, but I had just spent $4.00 on his card, and I was not about to spend another $4.00, springing for another card.

I can't stand the greeting card industry. I'd prefer someone just give me the four bucks... I'd rather fork the 4 bucks over to the gift recipient...or perhaps, add $4.00 to the amount I have in mind to spend on the actual gift... Heck, I'll even kick in another buck and bring it up to an additional $5.00 on the gift itself... It's a guilt inducing industry, that pesky greeting card industry, isn't it?... Can't give a gift without a card...

You know what? I'm gonna start MAKING cards for people.... Just like my daughter does.

Daddy, Close Your Ears

2009-11-06T13:51:00.000-08:00

My daughter's teacher, shared with her class at school today, that she is expecting twins!

My daughter is absolutely delighted with the news and has been wondering aloud all afternoon if her teacher is going to have two boy babies, or if she's going to have two girl babies.

She has finally decided that she will have one of each.

She couldn't wait to share the news with Stephen, so when he arrived home a few minutes ago, I heard her joyfully say...

"Daddy, daddy, I have some exciting news!!!!!... Wait...Close your ears."

Until We Meat, I mean, Meet Again

2009-11-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

We went to Sam's Club yesterday to do our big monthly grocery shop. I can see that we're going to end up saving a lot of money in the end, even though our first few months of membership ended up being just as costly as our pre-Sam's Club grocery days.

It's just as expensive at first because we've spent more than we normally would on things like Saran Wrap and aluminum foil, but these bulk items are going to last a really long time, and the upfront spending will be worth it. I can see it!

We can't go wrong with the produce, dairy and meats. That's for sure. Nothing is in too large a quantity that anything goes to waste, and we spend the same amount of money or less on items we enjoy, yet get more.

What's not to love, right?

Well...I do get a little frustrated once we reach the juice aisle. At this point, we've filled our carts with non-perishable items, and they're getting heavier and harder to steer. I love grocery shopping but it is at this point, that I begin to welcome the fact that I can see the meat department up ahead. Only meat, produce, dairy and frozen foods sections left to go!

However, it is always at this time, when my cart is getting a little heavy and harder to navigate through the store, that my daughter has to pee. It always happens in the juice aisle. Which, naturally, is at the exact opposite end of the store from the bathrooms.

I figured it had to be subliminal. My daughter agreed but didn't know she was agreeing.

She overheard me talking to Stephen and not knowing what subliminal meant, tried to clear things up for me again, and said...

"Mommy, I think I always have to pee when we get to the juice aisle because I'm thinking of juice".

Yes honey, I get it, makes total sense to me. No one knows my girl better than me.

So, my husband and I leave the juice aisle, and trek to the bathrooms, with our heavy carts and both kids in tow.

We walk past the meat department...

Goodbye succulent pork chops. Don't worry, we'll "meat" again...

then the produce section...

I'll see you in a bit, You big tub of Mixed Greens you! ....

then dairy...

Don't worry, I'll be back for you Butter... and for your little friend Cream Cheese too...

and finally, frozen goods...

I didn't forget about you either, Sweet Peas...

Don't worry any of you big, bulky hunks of deliciousness. I didn't forget about any of you.

We'll ~~meat~~ meet again.

Adios Mommy

2009-11-03T13:18:00.000-08:00

We're Catholic, but my daughter is attending a non-denominational Christian school. In the mornings parents and siblings are invited to stay for Family Worship. Basically, we sing a few religious songs and hear a bible story.

It's really cute to see all of the kids participating, even the little ones. My son sits on the edge of his little block seat trying to follow the sign language that goes along with the words to the songs, and I sort of get a kick out of watching both my daughter and son run around the house singing the songs they learn at school.

"Hallelujah, praise ye the Lord" is one of their favorites and I think it's because they get to stand up and wave their hands in the air during that one.

You can imagine then, how delighted my daughter was to tell me that her teachers taught the class how to sing it in Spanish too. Now she prances around the apartment singing, "Aleluya, Gloria a Dios!"

After singing it to me, the first time though, she joyously proclaimed... "Mommy, Adios means goodbye in Spanish!"

I'm still trying to convince her that she's singing A Dios, not Adios, but she's not having it.

Baking with Kids - Buckeyes

2009-11-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

Our family loves peanut butter. Peanut butter sandwiches, peanut butter cookies, peanut butter straight off the spoon. So when my daughter and I were choosing the recipes for sweet treats to try for the Holidays, from our Gooseberry Patch cookbooks, we came across this recipe for Buckeyes and knew that we just had to make these.

Ingredients
2 c. peanut butter

1/2 c. butter, softened

1 t. vanilla extract

1lb powdered sugar

3 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips

Here's What You Do

In a large mixing bowl, mix peanut butter, butter and vanilla together. Add powdered sugar, a small amount at a time, mixing by hand. Continue to add powdered sugar until mixture can be rolled in one-inch balls that stay together. Melt chocolate in double boiler. Placing a ball on a fork, dip 3/4 of ball into chocolate. Place balls onto wax paper-lined baking sheet. Place in refrigerator or freezer to set. Makes 4-5 dozen.

These are Delicious! They were super easy to make too, until the time came to roll 3/4 of the peanut butter ball in the chocolate. I found this step to be very tedious, but in the end, well worth it. We will definitely be making these again.

The Red Wine Blues

2009-10-31T13:11:00.000-07:00

My sister, Joanne, is a proud new condo owner. She bought a brand new unit, in a brand new building, and it is beautiful. The apartment features granite counter tops, hardwood floors, and the latest stainless steel appliances. My very favorite feature is that the bathroom floor heats up with a touch of a tiny little button.

I'm so excited to sleep over one night this Winter, just so I can shower there and use this feature. I can't wait. No more cold bathroom floors for me. My little tootsies are going to be pampered, even if it is just for one morning.

She bought everything brand new, for her brand new place. Everything... from her beautiful new furniture to the free-standing toilet paper holder she purchased for her fancy new bathroom.

So, you can imagine how pissed she was, and how sick and nervous I felt, when the kids and I came over for a visit, and my son knocked the tray table over, which held the glass of red wine that I had just poured myself, and the contents of which splattered all over her brand new living room, in her brand new pristine condo.

The poor little guy just learned how to walk backwards and he was happily showing off his new "talent."

Every single drop of red wine splattered all over her brand new hardwood floors, freshly painted walls and gorgeous sage green couch with tiny delicate stripes of cream and rust.

Both mine and my sister's reactions startled my son, who then started to cry. My sons crying startled my daughter, and then she started to cry. Both kids quickly ran into Joanne's bedroom and hid behind her dresser.

I wanted to hide too but I couldn't. I had A LOT of cleaning to do! Thankfully, for me and my bank account, I got every last drop of red wine out of the couch. I used a mixture of water and Dawn.

There's a new rule at Aunt Joannie's house and that is, no more red wine in the living room!

I'm sure that after the painful memory has faded though, that she will permit it again.

Any suggestions on how to get red wine out of fabric for when it happens again?

Lighten Up - Recipe for Chicken Burgers with Portabella Mushroom Buns

2009-10-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

This week's topic at my Weight Watcher meeting was about following their Good Health Guidelines, which are designed to ensure that members meet their body's nutritional needs. The one I struggle with most, is getting in the healthy oils. 2 teaspoons a day are recommended; nursing moms need 3.

Healthy oils are olive, flax seed, canola, safflower and sunflower oil. One teaspoon of oil equals one point though, and it's been hard for me to replace food, that will fill me, with oil, that I feared would not. I am a very hungry girl.

I learned this week though, that not only are two teaspoons of healthy oils a day good for our skin, hair and digestive track, but they also keep us full for a longer period of time. I'm commiting myself this week to finding creative ways of getting them in. I figured that in doing so, I may have fun with this and will be more likely to adopt it as a lifestyle change.

While watching The Biggest Loser the other night, I got the greatest idea for lunch. Chef Curtis Stone, gave the contestants a cooking lesson, in which they made burgers from ground chicken, instead of beef or turkey,(I hate ground turkey), and used grilled portabella mushrooms in place of a bun. I've replaced beef with grilled portabella before but never ever thought of using the portabella's as the bun.

He seasoned the ground chicken with garlic and thyme, which the contestants found to be delicious, but that combination didn't do much for me. I went ahead and thought of my favorite seasonings and flavor combinations and went with them for my lunch.

I took out my grill pan and threw the portabella mushrooms on with a little bit of Kosher salt and some pepper. I actually placed the mushrooms on the grill pan dry...(Baby Steps for me)... You can brush them with olive oil though, if you like.

While those were grilling, I quickly diced up a little bit of red onion and red pepper. I threw them together in a little bowl and seasoned them with a little bit of Kosher salt, pepper, red vinegar and one teaspoon of olive oil.

Now it was time to season my chicken burger. I sprinkled my pre-made chicken patty with salt, pepper, smoked paprika, chipotle, onion powder and Johnny's Garlic powder. I cooked it for about 4 minutes or so on each side. I like my chicken burgers well-done.

Voila!!! This was the tastiest lunch that I've made myself in a long time. The flavor combination of the seasonings I chose for the chicken burger, topped with the seasoned diced onions and peppers with red vinegar and oil, was amazing. The burger was delicious and juicy. It was also so quick and easy, that I was able to prepare both my lunch and my kids lunch, in the same amount of time.

I counted my 3oz chicken burger as 4 points and the teaspoon of olive oil was 1 point. The portabellas, red onion and peppers were FREE! This was a fantastic 5 point lunch and I plan on making it again for myself for lunch today.
Have you found any creative ways of getting your healthy oils in?

What flavor combinations/seasonings would you choose?

Children's Health - One Chalazion, two Chalazion

2009-10-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

What's a Chalazion? That's what I wanted to know.

A Chalazion is a lump on the eyelid, caused by an obstruction of an oil gland. It resembles a sty but technically, is not. I know this because one has come to dwell on MY little girls eyelid. It's been there for about five weeks now.

Her pediatrician sent us to a specialist in Manhattan to get it checked out. We were all certain that her poor little eye-lid was going to be lanced and drained and Stephen and I were sick about it.

So, in an attempt to calm my nerves, I thought, well, what's the worst that could happen?

And then I pictured it.

I envisioned my daughter seated in a chair in a tiny room. Across from her, is the Pediatric Ophthalmologist, holding a little scalpel in hand. I pictured the Doctor gingerly moving the scalpel up to my little girls eyelid...

What?!!!!!!!!...OH NO!!!!...The telephone starts to ring, which startles the Doctor and alas, instead of lancing my cute little girls eyelid, the Doctor lances her actual eyeball instead!

She could be blinded in her left eye forever!

Yeah...this wasn't helping.

Thankfully though, after seeing my daughter, the specialist determined that a hospitalization to lance and drain a 4 year olds eyelid should be the last resort and therefore recommended that we continue with warm compresses for 10 minutes, 3 times a day. She noted that it will probably take months for the Chalazion to go away.

We needed some guidance as to what to use as a warm compress. I had been wetting washcloths with hot water, yet the cloths stayed warm for less than a minute. The process of wetting and re-wetting the clothes was frustrating, as well as ineffective.

The specialist offered a couple of great suggestions and I'm going to pass them along to you...

She suggested we take a small potato, place it in a sock and then microwave it. We've found that microwaving it for 50 seconds has done the trick! She also said microwaving a sock full of rice works well too. I opted for the potato because it seemed the least messy of the two.

Note...check the temperature to make sure it's not too hot for your little one, and then place potato/rice filled sock, directly on your child's eye. This will work for both Chalazions and Sty's.

The potato retains its heat for the time needed and I am happy to report that her eye looks a lot better. We're not out of the woods yet, but I am hopeful that this works and there won't be any hospitalizations in our near future.

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, I would love for you to share your story with me.

Baking with Kids - Christmas Truffles

2009-10-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

I was extremely excited to try this Gooseberry Patch Truffle recipe. My daughter and I both love chocolate truffles and this recipe calls for dipping the truffles in various coatings at the end.

I knew that she and I we were going to have a lot of fun making these together, and we did!

Gooseberry Patch suggested flaked coconut, chopped nuts, powdered sugar, chocolate sprinkles and baking cocoa for truffle coatings. All were delicious.

In addition to their suggestions I picked out Heath Toffee bits because I love toffee, and my daughter spied Christmas colored sprinkles in the baking aisle. It was an excellent find because the red/green and green/white sprinkles made for a very beautiful and festive platter. You have to try this one.

Ingredients
2/3 c. heavy cream

12 oz. pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips

4 T. unsalted butter, softened

Toasted flaked coconut

Toasted finely chopped nuts

powdered sugar

chocolate sprinkles

baking cocoa

*Red and Green Sprinkles

*Green and white Sprinkles

*Heath candy

candy paper cups

Here's what you do
Heat cream just to a boil in a medium saucepan. Remove from heat and whisk in chocolate chips and butter; beat until smooth. Place pan over a bowl of ice water. Beat at medium speed with an electric mixture 3 to 4 minutes or until soft peaks form. Cover and refrigerate 3 hours or until firm.

Scoop out one-inch balls using a melon baller or small scoop. Roll between your hands, then dip balls into various coatings. Place in paper cups or on a sheet of wax paper.

Cover and store in refrigerator. Makes about 3 1/2 dozen.

I don't have a big sweet tooth but I could not resist these and ate quite a few. My daughter's favorites were the ones coated in festive sprinkles. My husband favored the ones dipped in the baking cocoa and my favorites were the ones dipped in the Heath Toffee bits, followed by the ones coated in coconut and then those we coated in baking cocoa.

These festive little truffles are so delicious that we decided they would be the most perfect treats to share with our whole family, not only for Christmas, but for Thanksgiving too!

Trusting Ourselves and Our Instincts

2009-10-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

After all of the mental turmoil I've endured at the hands of my former Physicians, the only local Doctor that I trust now is my kids Pediatrician.

I remember seeing Isabel curled up in a ball, just floating there, on my 20 week ultrasound. So much so that the ultrasound tech couldn't even get a measurement for her nose or lips. I was scared to death. Stephen was too. We could tell that there was something wrong. I told my former OB how scared I was but he didn't take me seriously. He said the baby was probably just sleeping.

We went back about a week later so the ultrasound tech could try again. This time they got the measurements, but Isabel was still curled up in a ball, hardly moving at all. Stephen and I were extremely worried at this point. I brought my concerns up to my Dr. again, but again, the Dr. said that there was nothing to worry about.

However, about a week later my OB called with news from the High Risk Specialist. This practice, as well as most, send their patients out to High Risk Specialists for the ultrasounds. The specialist told my former OB that Isabel had a 2 vessel umbilical cord. A normal umbilical cord has 3 vessels. He told me again, that it was nothing to worry about, but they would have me come in once a month for an ultrasound to make sure that the baby was growing properly. I want to note right now though, that when we finally got the Autopsy Report, it revealed that Isabel did not have a 2-vessel cord after all, she had a 3 vessel cord.

Stephen and I were freaked out at this point, so I went ahead and made an appointment for us to meet with the High Risk Specialist ourselves. At our meeting I asked about the babies well-being, due to the alleged 2 vessel cord, and I asked if I was going to need an amniocentesis to check the babies overall health. He said NO and told us both again, that there was nothing to worry about and that I was going to give birth to a totally healthy baby girl.

After Isabel died though, I went ahead and obtained all of my medical records and it was then that I saw the brazen lie in my chart. The High Risk physicians correspondence to my former OB stated that he did indeed, recommend amniocentesis due to all of the things that could go wrong with a baby with a 2 vessel cord, and that I DECLINED! I felt shocked and betrayed. I trusted him. I trusted them all.

I called my OB's office immediately and another Dr called me back. He said that he believed me but was sure that the High Risk Specialist really did believe that my baby was fine, but lied in my chart to cover his butt should anything go wrong and I wanted to sue, as a Dr's written word is more valuable in a court of law than the word of his patients. He went on to say that it was a good thing that my husband was in the meeting with me, and heard what really happened so I could not be portrayed as another "hormonal pregnant woman."

The truth of the matter is that had Isabel lived, I would have never discovered the lie in my chart. People don't typically request medical records unless things go horribly wrong.

Now, the story of the Autopsy....

I called my former OB's office a couple times looking for the Autopsy Report and I wasn't getting anywhere. The receptionist was curt and rude to me, so I decided that I wasn't going to deal with her anymore and that I was going to start calling the Coroner directly.

He was kind enough to take my phone call but unfortunately for me, mixed my baby up with someone else's in his mind, and told me that he saw serious problems with Isabel's heart and sent it to a specialist in Brooklyn. Yes, seriously. Now, for a whole month I believed that there was something wrong with my babies heart, until he finally realized his mistake and revealed that Isabel's heart was there in the hospital the whole time and was fine. There was nothing wrong with her heart. Oops.

Now about 2 months have passed and I finally have the Autopsy Report in hand and lo' and behold, another shocker, the Autopsy findings revealed that Isabel actually didn't have a 2-vessel cord either. Isabel had a 3 vessel cord, as she should have. The Coroner told me that this was a very important find. It sure was.

He went on to explain to me that Dr’s can’t give their patients proper care because they have to take on too many patients to afford their outrageous insurance premiums. I had just gone through 14 hours of labor and the subsequent delivery of my stillborn daughter. My OB wasn't even there come delivery time. There were 2 residents there on staff that day. The Dr's said nothing would turn up on the autopsy but not having an autopsy done on Isabel was out of the question. There was no way that I was not going to cover all of my bases. Now, I was to understand that the Dr’s couldn’t possibly take care of me and my baby because they have to take on more patients than they can handle because of the insurance companies? We all have a big problem on our hands then.

After Isabel's delivery, I remember the nurses would bring her to me but then after a while would take her away. This went on for what seemed like forever. In the end the nurses told me that it was time to bring her down to the morgue. I asked to hold her one more time to say goodbye. I didn't want to let her go but I knew it was time...she had grown so cold in my arms.

Having endured all of this, I did not accept the Dr's explanation that Isabel's death was a "fluke, just bad luck." I knew that there had to be something else going on and there was no way that I could endure having another stillborn, so I began to ask other women if they had any recommendations for another High Risk Specialist. I was led to another hospital with Dr's, who in the end, determined what went wrong and gave me my son.

The High Risk specialist that was recommended to me looked at my chart for about 5 minutes and told me that it was his opinion that my baby did not die from a two vessel cord and at this point, the autopsy results weren't even in yet. He told me he thought I had Gestational Thrombophilia and that there were "red flags all over my chart." He took 14 vials of blood that day. Side note... my new Dr's recommend women be tested for Gestational Thrombophilia after enduring THREE or more miscarriages or ONE Stillbirth.

I am grateful for my new physicians for taking me on, for determining course of treatment, watching me closely and giving me my son. Had I not been medicated from conception with him, not only would my son have died, a pregnancy for me without blood thinners could prove fatal for me as well.

I'm sharing my story in the hopes that I may empower other women to trust in themselves and their instincts. As you can see from what I have endured, our physicians are not always right. Whether it be a lack of knowledge on their parts, that their priorities are wrong because there is too much focus on how to cover their butts to avoid lawsuits, instead of spending the time caring for their patients, or whether patients are slipping through the cracks because the physicians have taken on more patients than they can handle, doesn't matter.

None of these reasons are acceptable. What happened to us isn't ok.

I will spend the rest of my life wondering if Isabel would be here with us today if I had just gone for a 2nd opinion and switched physicians. Would my new Dr's been able to save her? I ignored my instincts and listened to my former Dr's because they were the ones with the medical degrees. I trusted them. Maybe it was too late for Isabel at that point. I don't know. I know for a fact though that had I not followed my instincts after Isabel died, that my son would not be here with me today.

That is a fact.

My former Dr's thought Isabel's death was a fluke, just bad luck, they told me that I could wait a couple of cycles and try again. That wasn't true though. My instincts told me to seek out new physicians and those physicians determined that I needed specialized care. I needed blood thinners. I needed Dr's who were going to be watching me on an almost weekly basis. Even with the medication, my son needed to be delivered at 35 weeks. Thankfully my new Dr's took me seriously, medicated me and kept a close eye. For as grateful as I am to God and my new Doctors, I know that my son would not be here with us today if it weren't for my instincts and perseverance.

I realize that most people have pregnancies like the one I had with my daughter. Aside from all of the morning sickness, it was perfect. I loved my Dr. at the time because he was a nice guy, but other than performing the c-section for a 10 lb 13oz baby, there wasn't anything involved in my pregnancy with her that anyone had to worry about. Then came Isabel and it all fell apart. Everyone took for granted that I should have non-eventful perfect pregnancies because I had one child already. That lax attitude had grave consequences for my Isabel, and could very well have ended in grave consequences for my son.

I was hesitant to blog about this because sharing my story has resulted in a lot of pain for me at times and I don't want to be hurt anymore than I have. In the end, although difficult, I decided to post this because if I could help one woman trust in herself, then it will have been worth it to me.

I have a lot of respect for my kids Pediatrician...well, so far, so good, and before I even had to go into my whole spiel about my lack of trust in local physicians, he had already written a referral for an eye specialist for my daughter in Manhattan. "They're the best," he said.

Baking with Kids - Chocolate Covered Cherries

2009-10-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Ingredients
10 oz. Pkg. Powdered Sugar

1/2 c. Butter, softened

1 T. Evaporated milk

2 t. Vanilla extract

2 10 oz. Jars Maraschino cherries, with or without stems, drained

12 oz. chocolate flavored candy coating

6 oz. Pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips

Here's What You Do

Blend together sugar, butter, evaporated milk and vanilla. Wrap each cherry in about 1 tsp. sugar mixture. Arrange on wax paper in a baking pan and chill overnight.

Melt together candy coating and chocolate chips in a double boiler; stir until melted and blended. Use a candy dipper to dip cherries in chocolate, tapping off excess. Place on wax paper to cool.

Well, this was not one of my finer moments. This is one of the Gooseberry Patch recipes that I was most excited to try too. The recipe looked innocent enough, but, Oh no, NEVER again, what a pain in the neck. This was a tedious nightmare!

It seemed to me, right off the bat, that the powdered sugar mixture was going to be a problem. The texture of it seemed all wrong, the cherries were difficult to wrap, and there was no way that we were going to be able to make them all nice and neat and uniform.

So, my daughter and I wrapped each of the tiny little cherries, in the very messy mixture, as best we could. At one point, she knocked the bowl containing the sugary mixture off of the table, and some of the sugar fell all over the floor. My son hurried over and had a field day playing in the sugary mess.....eating some and wearing most. I just couldn't get to him fast enough because my hands were so messy from the mixture. Now that I think about it though, he was so messy, what was a little more gunk!

We finally finished the cherries, cleaned ourselves up, and placed the cherries in the fridge to chill overnight.

The next day my daughter and I dipped each sugar covered cherry in the chocolate and again, it was a very messy, tedious project. At this point, I didn't even bother to melt the dipping chocolate and chocolate chips in the double boiler. I just opened up the pre-packed chocolate, put it in the microwave and we started dipping. The added weight of the chocolate on the sugary cherry pulled the stems off some while dipping.

They were too sweet for me and Stephen but on the bright side, my daughter was happy and she and my son loved them. We shared with Stephen's cousins and they loved them too.

If we make chocolate covered cherries in the future, I think we'll skip the sugar step altogether, and just dip the maraschino cherry straight in the chocolate.

This is not to say that you won't have better luck. If any of you try this recipe and can give me some helpful tips, I'd consider trying it again... sometime in the not so near future.... perhaps a few years from now, when the memory of the tediousness has faded, and I start to think of this ordeal, as the time when my son looked absolutely adorable all covered in sugar, while my daughter and I had a fabulously-fun time making chocolate covered cherries together!

Turkey Bacon - EXPOSED!

2009-10-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sure, like me, some of you have purchased Oscar Mayer's turkey bacon in place of their regular pork bacon. I used to buy it when I was in the mood for bacon and eggs or a BLT. I was getting the taste that I wanted, without the guilt. After all, there it is written in large print on the front of the packaging, "50% less fat". For me, it was a pretty easy and painless food swap.

But then, I read an article in one of my husband's magazines...Men's Health, "Eat This, Not That"....and there it was..... the real bacon is better for you! Why? The fat and calories are exactly the same, per 2 slices of bacon, only turkey bacon has 360mg of sodium and Oscar Mayer's "real" bacon has 290mg of sodium.

I had to check it out for myself, so I went into the grocery store and checked out the nutritional information labels on both packages and I noticed, for the 1st time, that the turkey bacon's fat and calorie content is based on 1 slice of bacon, while the regular bacon's label is based on 2 slices.

Confirmed..... same fat and calorie content per 2 slices of bacon, only turkey bacon has 70mgs more sodium than the "real" thing!

Baking With Kids - "The Best Bread Pudding" by Paula Deen

2009-10-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

My daughter and I typically bake on the weekends. Last nights bread pudding adventure was inspired by an overabundance of Italian bread. See, my husband's cousins were given many loaves of bread by a friend who owns a small restaurant. The poor guy ordered all of these loaves for a customer, to be included in their catering order. The customer cancelled the order last minute and our friend was left with loaves upon loaves of Italian bread, which he so generously shared with Stephen's cousins, and they in turn, very generously shared with us.

What to do with all of this bread? Why, make bread pudding, of course!

Except, I had never made bread pudding before so I did a search on Food TV's website and came across "The Best Bread Pudding" recipe by Paula Deen. It seemed simple enough and I am so happy that we tried it because this bread pudding recipe is outstanding! It is rich and sweet and delicious and if you like bread pudding, I highly encourage you to try it too!

Ingredients

• 2 cups granulated sugar

• 5 large beaten eggs

• 2 cups milk

• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

• 3 cups cubed Italian bread, allow to stale overnight in a bowl

• 1 cup packed light brown sugar

• 1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, softened

• 1 cup chopped pecans

For the sauce:

• 1 cup granulated sugar

• 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted

• 1 egg, beaten

• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

• 1/4 cup brandy

Here's What You Do

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 13 by 9 by 2-inch pan.

Mix together granulated sugar, eggs, and milk in a bowl; add vanilla. Pour over cubed bread and let sit for 10 minutes.

In another bowl, mix and crumble together brown sugar, butter, and pecans.

Pour bread mixture into prepared pan. Sprinkle brown sugar mixture over the top and bake for 35 to 45 minutes, or until set. Remove from oven.

For the sauce:

Mix together the granulated sugar, butter, egg, and vanilla in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir together until the sugar is melted. Add the brandy, stirring well. Pour over bread pudding. Serve warm or cold.

This recipe calls for you to bake the bread pudding in the oven for 35-45 minutes, however, I kept it in much longer...about an hour. I did this because I was envisioning one of those thick bread puddings, that my husband has been served numerous times before, in various steakhouses (bread pudding is his favorite). I kept checking the pan and it seemed "loose" to me so I kept it in. When I finally went back to consult the picture on Food Network's website, I saw in the picture, that the bread pudding is meant to be on the loose side, with more of a yes, pudding-like appearance, rather than thick cake.

Our bread pudding was not at all over done though, even with the added baking time. We all absolutely loved it! I hope that you try it and love it too.

Enjoy!

Curb Your Enthusiasm

2009-10-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

One of my friends was teasing me the other day, telling me that she wants me to write about corduroys because she loves them and says she wants me to bring them back! This cracked me up.

I'm also a fan of the corduroy pant... so I figured... heck, why not? I thought, hmmm what's so great about corduroys? How can I sing its comfie praises? How can we bring corduroy back? Well, not exactly back, as I noticed many pairs in fashionable colors at Ann Taylor Loft the other day.

Hmmm... Larry David, of Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld fame, wears corduroys... and I have BIG love for him....SO....

Haiku to YOU, Larry David!

"Oh! Larry David.

Put on your corduroy pants.

Autumn brings a breeze."

What I Like About YOU, Sam's Club

2009-10-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

1. Gallon of skim milk $1.90

2. Poland Spring, natural spring water, 35 pack case $4.34

3. 32 oz package of strawberries $3.90

4. Wonder, large white bread, 2/24oz loaves $2.97

5. Arnold Selects, 2 count package $4.08

6. Mott's 100% apple juice, 2/86oz bottles $3.82

7. Kellogg's Raisin Bran, 76.5 oz $6.58

8. 90% lean ground beef, $2.49 a pound

9. Kedem Grape Juice, 96oz bottle $4.38

10. Aisles and aisles of low priced deliciousness.... priceless.

We've finally done it! We've taken the plunge and went ahead and purchased a Warehouse club membership all of our very own. Sam's Club! I'm not a total stranger to warehouse shopping, as I've been riding my parents Costco coat tails for years. Only shopping for non-perishable items while visiting them though, as there is a two hour car ride from their Costco to our fridge. Secretly, I was always a little jealous of their robust pork chops, mouth-watering chicken pot pies and decadent spinach dip. But not anymore! We have arrived! Now, WE are a part of the warehouse shopping community and I LOVE every single budget-conscious, high quality, bulk purchasing, morsel of it!

Baking with Kids - Heavenly Chocolate Chunk Cookies

2009-10-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be fun for my daughter and I to do some baking on this nice lazy Sunday. I decided to try a recipe that we flagged in one of our Gooseberry Patch Christmas cookbooks. Just the other day, she asked if we could bake chocolate chip cookies on our next adventure, so I thought this would be a great recipe to try. They're not your average Chocolate Chip cookies either, as the recipe calls for 2T. instant coffee granules. It's a nice twist on an old classic.

Ingredients

2 c. plus 2 T. all-purpose flour

1/2 t. baking soda

1/2 t. salt

3/4 c. butter

2 T. instant coffee granules

1 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. sugar

1 egg

1 egg yolk

11 1/2 oz. pkg.semi-sweet double chocolate mega-chips or 12 oz. pkg. semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 c. walnut halves, toasted (optional)

Here's What You Do
Preheat oven to 325 degrees

Combine first 3 ingredients; stir well.

Combine butter and coffee granules in a small saucepan. Cook over medium-low heat until butter melts and coffee granules dissolve. Stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and let cool to room temperature (don't let butter resolidify).

Combine butter mixture, sugars, egg and egg yolk in a large bowl. Beat at medium speed with an electric mixture until blended. Gradually add flour mixture, beating at low speed until just blended.

Stir in chocolate chips and walnuts (optional).

Drop dough by heaping tablespoons 2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 325 degrees for 12-14 minutes. Let cool slightly on baking sheets.

The cookies are really tasty and are very simple to make. As I mentioned, not your run of the mill chocolate chip cookies because of the instant coffee granules. I wasn't 100% sure that my daughter was going to like them because of this, but she absolutely loves them! She's already eaten 3!!! She didn't want walnuts in her cookies, so we omitted them from our recipe. We used regular chocolate chips instead of the mega-chunk chips because that's what we had in our pantry. We were at Sam's Club yesterday and I scored a 72 oz. bag of regular semi-sweet chocolate chips for just $7.94 (woo hoo)! I knew that they were going to come in handy with all of baking we have planned.

Hope that you try this recipe with your kids too and that they love the cookies as much as my daughter does. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Nice Soft Pillow

2009-10-03T05:02:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, your belly's a nice soft pillow"

Thanks honey.

Lighten Up

2009-10-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy few weeks, thus making it really difficult for me to stay focused on my weight loss efforts. I'm still going to kickboxing 2-3 times a week, but I haven't been tracking my Weight Watcher points as usual. I'm so close to my goal now too.

As you may have gathered from my "Party of One" post, I am an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm feeling stressed and anxious. It's been at my current stint at WW meetings, that the light bulb finally went off, and I realized that I look to food to comfort me, when there is no one else to. I recognize it but I do not have full control over it.

I recognize that I'm doing it now, and this new self-awareness is something I'm very grateful for because it has reigned me in, and I haven't done too much damage this time. See, we Weight Watchers follow a point system. I get my daily allotment of points, which are based on my weight and then get to add 5 extra points because I'm breastfeeding my son. Woo Hoo!!! And boy, do they come in handy. Especially for me, someone who has been nicknamed, "Snacks" by my 4-year old daughter.

Lately, I've been tracking the points in my head and not typing them in on my online tracker. This has made for some creative point counting. When I use my online tracker, the point values of the foods that I'm eating are automatically subtracted from my daily allotment, and the number of points I have left for the day are left staring me right in the face. When I count in my head, I very conveniently "forget" some points that I've used up over the course of the day. A sandwich I may have valued at 7 points at lunch time, magically becomes 5 points at late night snack time. I think this is pretty common too among my fellow Weight Watchers.

I am recommitting myself this week and am going to try and bring back the things that have been working for me for the past 8 months. Now, this is not to say that there will not be many, many more blog posts describing "food parties" for one, as I am a work in progress.

I thought that it would be fun though, to share with you, some of the tips and tricks and creative food swaps that have been working for me in my future blog posts.

I'd love to hear about your Adventures in dieting too!!! Please leave any comments, funny stories, tips or tricks that you would like to share in the comments section of my blog.

side note..some friends have told me that they are having problems when trying to leave a comment on my blog. From what I understand you need to either sign up for a Google account, or leave a comment anonymously. You can always sign your name in the body of your "anonymous" comment, if you don't want to sign up for a Google account. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Baking with Kids - "Those Darn Cookies"

2009-09-29T16:25:00.000-07:00

Today my daughter and I made one of my mom's recipes, "Darn cookies!" You got it, because they're so darn good! And simple to make too! I have to admit that we actually call them something else when the kids aren't around :-)

Yes, it's true, I totally went ahead and chose a recipe that I was very familiar with to share first, and I am ok with that.

Ingredients

1 1/2 sleeves of Saltine Crackers

1 cup packed brown sugar

1 cup butter

2 cups chocolate chips

1 cup chopped nuts, today we chose walnuts

Here's What You do

Pre-heat oven to 350

Line entire cookie sheet with aluminum foil. Spray the foil with Pam.

Lay out Saltines, completely covering bottom of pan.

Cook sugar and butter for 3-5 minutes, stirring constantly (on a low to medium heat) until caramel colored. Do not let it boil over.

Pour hot sugar over crackers. Then spread butter and brown sugar mixture over the crackers with a spatula. Bake at 350 for 4-5 minutes. tip...bake on top rack and keep a close eye.

Remove from oven and sprinkle chocolate chips on top of hot crackers.

Return to oven for an additional 4-5 minutes. Spread melted chocolate.

Sprinkle with nuts (optional).

Place the tray in fridge to cool. Once the cookies set, you can either just break them up by hand or cut neatly into squares with a butter knife.

My daughter and I made these cookies a couple weeks ago to bring to a party at her school. We didn't make them with nuts then, but decided to "mix it up a little" today (as my daughter says) and sprinkled walnuts on top. They taste delicious both ways, but I think they look prettier with the nuts on top.

Enjoy!!!

Adventures in Baking

2009-09-29T15:13:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I enjoy most is sharing quality time baking with my daughter, so I was very excited, back in August, when my mother gave me three of her Gooseberry Patch Holiday cookbooks. I can't help it, I take comfort in reading cookbooks. I just love them!

My daughter and I went through all of them together right away and began flagging the pages of both the sweet and savory recipes that we thought would be fun to try together.

Just going through the books together, in itself, was great fun. I had some of those post-it flags, that she calls staffs... (she thinks they look like a Shepherds staff). As we went through the books, my daughter placed a "staff" on all of the pages containing recipes that looked good to us. We used pink and yellow for the sweets and blue to mark the savory dishes.

When my daughter and I bake together we make very simple, yet delicious treats. The recipes made from scratch are also very simple and most of them have been passed along by family members. I also have some favorites from the Food Network stars.

When we make cakes, cupcakes, brownies and muffins, I typically use a store bought mix, but then dress the recipe up a little or just have fun decorating. For instance, just a couple of weeks ago we made a boxed brownie mix, but then my daughter lined Reese's Peanut Butter cups, up and down the pan, after I poured the brownie mix in it. It was delicious! Another time we made store boxed cupcakes but then "mixed it up a little," like my daughter says, and decorated them with M&M's.

I made sure that all the recipes we flagged from the Gooseberry Patch books were simple. Well, they looked simple. This is going to be an adventure but one that I would like to share with you! I hope that you will try some of the recipes that I share, both new and old. I hope that you enjoy the old ones and that we both enjoy the new ones too!!!

There is a comments section on my blog, so if any of the recipes look good to you, and you end up trying them out, I would love any feedback that you have. Also, if you have any simple recipes that you would like to share with me, I'd love to try them too.

So as not to make this a super long post, I am going to share today's adventure in a separate entry.

I Am Wherever You Are

2009-09-28T13:21:00.000-07:00

I have been operating way outside my comfort zone lately and it has me all out of sorts. I hate feeling this way. I am mostly unbelievably happy and optimistic about my blog, but sometimes I'm riddled with doubt.

I find this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on has me feeling a little off-kilter. We were at a party this weekend and although I was having a great time, I still sometimes feel a little uncomfortable when there's a lot of people around, mainly when there's a lot of people that I don't know well or haven't seen in a while. Unfortunately for me, and anyone standing next to me, when I feel uncomfortable, you just can't shut me up. I do not stop talking. I'm always thinking, "hmm, what can I talk about next?" and I talk and talk and talk and then start to feel uncomfortable by the fact that I'm talking so much.

I had to remove myself and my nervous chatter from the party for a couple minutes and went back to my apartment alone. I sat on the couch staring at the book that I have displayed on the mantle in our living room. It's called, I am Wherever You Are, (In the light of loss, paintings by N.A. Noel). It's a beautiful book that was given to me by a close friend a few weeks after Isabel was delivered. The paintings and poems still move me to tears.

I had received the package while headed out one day to a follow up visit at my OB/GYN's. When I arrived at my Dr's office, I was left sitting there in the waiting room, surrounded by all of these pregnant women for what seemed like an eternity. It was a difficult time. I was still carrying an extra 30 lbs and looked like I had just had a baby, but I had no baby to hold. My body didn't realize that my baby had died so I was still producing milk, but had no baby to feed. I didn't know what to do with myself around all of these pregnant women, so I decided to open up the package I was sent, and once I did, I saw this beautiful book sent to comfort me and I began reading the excerpts.

"It is not always ours to understand why morning passes to midnight without full chance of day. But in the darkest hours, the light you were given, however briefly, will shine above you...in the stars and in the eyes of an angel". - P.S. Points

and then

"The sweet Angels take us to peace, never fear, quietly, lovingly, the Angels come." - Marshall Stewart Ball

and then

"The time may be delayed, the manner may be unexpected, but the answer is sure to come. Not a tear of sacred sorrow, not a breath of holy desire, poured out to God will ever be lost, but in God's own time and way will be wafted back again in clouds of mercy, and fall in showers of blessings on you, and on those for whom you pray." - Saint Therese

I was moved to tears and felt so comforted by these beautiful poems and paintings. I also felt comforted and loved and understood by my friend. The book was a perfect gift and one I will treasure for the rest of my life.

It's been two years, and naturally as time passes, the sting of it all eases. The birth of my son has brought us all great joy. I don't know who I would be now if he were not here with me. I am so grateful for him.

Still, there are times when I get these waves of intense grief. The other day someone announced that a little baby girl was born and I got all choked up. This morning at kickboxing Sarah McLaughlin's song Angel was playing during abs and I got all teary again.

"It's gonna be ok Mommy," was what my then, 2 year old daughter, said to me one day soon after Isabel's delivery. I had been resting in bed and she came into the room to see me. I was so sad and here my amazing little girl was comforting me.

And she was right...it's gonna be ok. Because, although there are still days like today, where I think of Isabel and feel a little sad, I know that I am blessed.

I am blessed in that, it is on most days, whether at the park with my daughter and son, or reading to them and mostly in times when we are just sitting still, and one or both of them are on my lap, that I am overwhelmed with feelings of profound joy and love and gratitude.

Add it to Your List

2009-09-25T14:34:00.000-07:00

The kids and I spend a lot of time in Barnes & Noble. Partly because it's something to do, but mostly because I love to buy books. All kinds of books. I buy a lot of children's books and since having kids, mostly non-fiction for me. I read a lot of books on child rearing, books on politics and above all else, I love cookbooks. My love of food and cooking will be a common theme in my blogs. Lately though, I've been keeping the Dummies books in business: Blogging for Dummies, How to Get Published for Dummies, Search Engine Optimization for Dummies...you get the picture.

I also buy a lot of books from Amazon.com, as I find filling my electronic shopping cart up highly enjoyable! But there's just something very comforting to me in walking into any bookstore and walking out with a book that I get to take home and read, or at least flip through, right away.

On one of our recent outings to B&N, my daughter was eyeing a couple of those stuffed toys that they sell. This time she wanted Ho Ho and Tolee from that cartoon, Ni Hao, Kai-Lan.

I said no to the toys that day but told her that she could add them to her list for Santa. She was upset and also worried that by the time Christmas came around, there would be none left in the store for Santa to buy for her. I wanted a quick end to the conversation, so I told her not to worry about it and that I'd send Santa an e-mail as soon as we got home.

I wasn't expecting the sudden look of excitement and happiness that spread all over her face....."You're friends with Santa?!!!" I've never seen anyone so impressed with me than in that moment.

Side note... although I tell her to put things she wants on her list for Santa, I am clear about the fact that Santa does not buy everything on the list. That being said, in this instance, I felt compelled to come through with Ho Ho and Tolee.

So, I went back to the store while she was at school one day and was really excited that there were some left. I picked them up and thought how great it was going to be that she'd think that Santa made a special trip to the bookstore just for her, all because of an e-mail from her mommy. I knew there wasn't going to be time to drop the bag off at home before pick-up, so I thought that a clever thing to do would be to pick up a small book to give her that day. This way there wouldn't be a lot of questions as to the contents of the bag.

She WAS super excited about the book. We had errands to run so I threw it back in the bag.
Our first stop was lunch and then the hair salon (we both needed haircuts) and I didn't give the book another thought. We get to the salon and as I'm sitting there in the chair, I suddenly hear, "OOOOOOH, Mommy, thank you so much!" I turned around to see my daughter holding Tolee in one hand and Ho Ho in the other.

She had discovered the toys while going into the bag, to take out the book, that I so cleverly bought for her that day.

Deep sigh.

What time is it?

2009-09-25T04:47:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, what time is it?"

It's 6:39(am) honey.

"Wow!"..."That's A LOT!"

Cool Find - The Zoo

2009-09-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

I thought that from time to time, instead of my usual blogposts, it would fun to share product recommendations, recipes, and maybe some photos too.

In this blog post, I want to share a cool product that I found on the internet. We bought it about 1 1/2 years ago. It's a unique stuffed toy storage unit called The Zoo.

Due to my daughters love of stuffed toys, our place was beginning to look as if Noah had unleashed the contents of his Ark all over every single room in our apartment!

I started surfing the web for a solution to our stuffed toy clutter problem and stumbled upon the Zoo.

It's worked out really well for us. It was pretty easy to put together, a.k.a. there were no tears shed or expletives unleashed during assembly . We haven't had any accidents, a.k.a. my son hasn't pulled it down on top of himself. You can actually fasten it to the wall but we haven't had to do that.

The only down side is that when you over stuff it, as you obviously aren't supposed to do, but we do anyway, some of the animals fall out of the back. Another downside to overstuffing is that the kids definitely have a harder time getting the animals out themselves. I guess though, with proper use, we wouldn't have these problems.

I've provided a link so you can check it out.

Do you have any cool products that you would like to recommend?

The Zoo by Beaver Works Inc. Your playroom storage solution!

Are You Decent?

2009-09-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

Tonight my sister and I took the kids out to dinner. We planned on her coming back to the apartment with us afterwards to hang out for a while before she made her way home.

We're halfway up the stairs to the 3rd floor walk-up, my sister leading the way, when she suddenly turns to me and asks...

"Does Stephen know I'm coming over?"

Yes....Well, I think so....Well, I'm not sure if I told him.

Without a moment of hesitation, my daughter whizzed by my sister up the stairs and shouted in our hallway....

"Daddy put your pants on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Penny for Your Thoughts

2009-09-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Stephen and our little guy were having the best time playing the other day.

Stephen was really enjoying the interaction they had going on together. He was making funny faces and the baby was sticking out his tongue and babbling happily. He doesn't have a very extensive vocabulary. Our son I mean, not Stephen (ha, ha, ha). He says mama and bye, hello and bath, cheese and shoes. But, Stephen swears he hears him say, I love you daddy.

Stephen was overjoyed at how amused the baby was by the funny faces he was making. The baby kept sticking out his tongue and saying aaah. This happened over and over again. The more the baby stuck out his tongue and said aaah, the happier Stephen became... "My son and I are bonding!"... "I am the funniest daddy in the world!"

There Stephen was imagining again that his amused little fan was saying, aaah love you daddy!

But soon Stephen realized that the baby wasn't saying, aaah love you daddy at all.

Our little guy was simply, and very proudly, showing Stephen the penny he had placed on his tongue.

Go Ask Daddy

2009-09-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, how do they put babies in your belly after you get married?"

What?!!!

"How do they put babies in your belly after you get married? How do they?"

I don't know... Go ask daddy.

Party of One

2009-09-19T15:03:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling awful. My hands were swollen and tingling from all of the sodium I had consumed the night before. We had taken the kids out to dinner to celebrate our daughters first week back at school. There is a meatball pizza at one of the Italian restaurants in town that both kids just love, so we chose that restaurant to celebrate in. I go to Weight Watchers and follow their points system and made wise choices during the day so I could enjoy dinner. I chose the scungilli salad as an appetizer and the linguini with clam sauce as my entree. I had stayed within my daily points allotment and was feeling good.

We got home from our "night out" by 6:30 and I was feeling a little down that our big night out was over already. Stephen had plans to hang out with his cousin and my sister was out with a friend, so it was just going to be me and the kids. My son fell asleep right away and my daughter was asleep by 8:30. I started feeling really lonely, so I decided to go into the kitchen to look for a snack.

I looked in the fridge and saw the turkey pepperoni I had bought the day before. I had been craving pepperoni pizza and figured I'd buy the turkey pepperoni, to get the taste I'd been wanting. I wasn't sure if I should go for it though, because although it is a point friendly choice, it's jam-packed with sodium; 640mg per serving to be exact. That's a lot of sodium and I retain water easily.

I couldn't resist. So, I took a couple of pieces and thought, "Wow! This is great, I'm going to have a few more."... "Hmmm, how many slices are in a serving? Ooh, there's 17, right, I'll count out 17."... "Mmm, that was good!" "I bet this pepperoni would taste really good as a sandwich, I'll grab one of my sandwich thins and put it on that."... "Mmm, that was so good. I could really go for another."... "No, I'm not making another pepperoni sandwich. That would be piggy."... "I'll just grab a couple more slices."... "These pepperoni slices are really thin, I wonder how they'll taste if I stack them?".... "They taste really good, I'll just have one more stack."

And I had one more stack and one more stack until 3,840mg of sodium later, I had devoured the whole package.

Party of ONE.

Serving size...SIX.

The Awakening

2009-09-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

My daughter drinks chocolate milk every single day, and every single day as I prepare her milk, my son stands next to me watching me prepare it and cries for some of his own.

Every single day I breath a deep sigh, as I feel sorry for the little guy, and begin to make a cup for him as well .

It's not that I don't think he should be drinking the chocolate milk. It's Ovaltine so it's packed with Vitamins and to be perfectly honest, I really wouldn't care if it were plain chocolate syrup.

It's the fact that every single day when I give him chocolate milk in a sippy cup he manages to get it all over himself, all over the kitchen floor, all over the living room rug. If I hand it to him while sitting down, soon I see that it's all over the leather couch. It doesn't matter which cup it is. Every single cup we've bought leaks.

Every single day I wonder how the heck he manages to do this and every single day while preparing his milk I think to myself," I hope the cup doesn't leak again this time." "What is it with all of these cups?" "I cannot believe that we don't have one cup in this house that doesn't leak!" "Maybe my daughter's princess cup will be ok?" "Let me check the little plastic insert to make sure it's secure."

So, every single day I check the plastic insert on the chosen cup and I press down on it really really hard, in an attempt to fit it in there tight, and I think, "that should do it". But it doesn't do it and every single day I feel like I got ripped off.

Until today.

It was today that I realized, or to be more specific, witnessed, that it's not the little clear cup we bought by Playskool, or the Dora Explorer from Munchkin, it's not his Cars cup from First Years or the personalized cup we picked out for him at Toys R Us. It was today that I turned around, saw him take a big swig of milk from his sippy, swish it around in his mouth and spit it out.

This is not a wine tasting.

Taking the plunge and the anxiety that goes along with it

2009-09-16T14:46:00.000-07:00

No, this is not about my wedding day, when Pachebel's Canon in D started to play and it was time for me to walk down the aisle and I completely started to panic. It's not about how I was standing there in front of Stephen and the priest and everyone else in the church scared to death. It's not about the rapid breathing and the scare I put Stephen through, thinking I was going to faint, or worse, sprint! It's not about our priest standing there with both hands up, palms facing me, slowly easing them up and down in an attempt to get me to calm down. This is another story.

This is about how yesterday I announced on my FB that I had started Stay At Home Mommy Daze. I had been thinking about what I wanted to blog about for a while and finally mustered up the courage to go ahead and start my blog. The days went on and I wrote and re-wrote and fixed up my blog page as best as I could. I e-mailed my Mommy Blogging friends with lots of questions, picking their very smart brains, in hopes of making this blog the best that I could.

Then, the realization set in that it is was not enough to start the blog, the time had come to actually tell people that I had it. Yikes! I knew it was going to take a lot more courage than I had at the moment so I went into the kitchen to summon the help of my good friend, Pinot Grigio, and he nudged me along.

I did it! And friends read and responded with great support and well wishes and I was so happy. I felt so good. I read through the comments. They can't wait to read more! They can't wait to read more every day! Every day! Every day. EVERY DAY?!!!! What did I get myself in to? What if I can't pull it off? What if I fail? What was I thinking?!!!! So, I panicked through The Biggest Loser, I panicked through Jay Leno, then Chelsea Lately, then the repeat of Top-Chef. I shut the TV off and lied in bed panicking until about 3am. Yes, that's exactly how I roll.

So I've decided to set small attainable, not so scary goals for myself and I will update my blog at least once a week. Small, manageable goals to ease my ever so active, thought juggling, sleep depriving mind.

The Railing

2009-09-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

Stephen and I took the kids to an Italian festival this Sunday. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the weather was perfect. A fantastic day to hang out by the water.

I love going to Italian feasts. I remember going with my parents, aunts and cousins as a kid. I remember my mom buying me a "Proud to Be an Italian" shirt at one of them when I was a little girl and absolutely loving it. It was a black t-shirt with one of those iron-on decals. Naturally, it featured an Italian flag and the words were written in silver. The decal sparkled. I wore that shirt until the iron-on decal came off in the wash. I had another favorite shirt at that time too...The Dukes of Hazzard, as I had a big crush on Bo Duke, but that's another story.

Anyhow, I am overjoyed that my daughter has inherited my love of the Italian feast.

This Sunday we started out at the vendors to buy something to eat. We then found the perfect spot at a table right on the water to enjoy our food and drinks. The slice of pizza that the kids shared was finished and our daughter was ready to go and play some games and enjoy the rides. I asked my husband to stay behind with our son so he could save the table for us. That's another thing about me. When we go to these festivals, I always like a "home-base" if you will, so we can sit back, relax and enjoy the day.

As my daughter and I were leaving the table area I reminded Stephen to keep a close eye on our son, as he is a sweet little boy who is also filled with mischief. I looked at the rail separating my little son and the River and sensed that he needed to be watched carefully. My husband scoffed a little but said he'd keep a close eye.

Don't you know that when we returned from playing games and going on rides, my husband told me that our little Chunk-A-Bunk actually got down on the ground, laid down on his back, and then tried unsuccessfully (thank God), to shimmy his little body, feet first, under the rail, and into the River!

Who is that woman staring back at me?

2009-09-14T13:30:00.000-07:00

Ever look in the mirror and feel like you don't even recognize your own face? That is what happened to me.

When I was growing up I was always outside running around playing some sort of sport. Started playing baseball as a kid, made Varsity softball as a freshman in High School and also played on my co-ed church team for years. Then I became sedentary.

I was always a huge music lover. My dad jokes that when I was a kid I used to shout out, "I love this song" after every single song that the DJ played on the radio. I began playing piano when I was five years old, and took up French horn and clarinet in High School. Now I hardly even listen to music. I don't even own an I-pod.

My children are everything to me and their world has become my world. Which is great and important but I began to realize that anytime anyone asked me what I had been up to, I immediately started telling them what my daughter was up to.

In between our daughter and son, I had a stillborn baby girl. Her name is Isabel. I will talk about her in another blog post but when she died, so did a part of me. So did a part of my husband. I was already someone who was afraid. There was always this little voice in my head saying, "don't do this or don't do that, you couldn't possibly pull it off, it's not going to work out" and then the unimaginable happened...something so terrible and unexpected and for two full years after her loss, I walked around wondering when the other shoe was going to drop.

I would look at photos taken of me after I had her and I'd notice how tired and sad my eyes were. I didn't want to look like that in my pictures so whenever anyone got ready to take a picture of me, I started opening up my eyes really really wide in hopes that the picture of me was going to be a good one. You can imagine how that worked out for me.

I am determined to get back to me. I want to feel good. I want my kids to be proud of me. I want to be the best mom that I can be. I started back at WW in February and in March started kickboxing 2-3 times a week. I've lost a significant amount of weight and am down to where I was back in High School. Kickboxing has been absolutely amazing for me both physically and mentally. I am finally active again.

I have always loved to write and was very impressed by friends who are mommy bloggers. I thought to myself, "Wow, that's so much fun, I would love to do that, but no, I couldn't possibly." And then I reminded myself that I have to stop being so afraid of everything. So, with a little encouragement and help from a friend, here I am.

The Pretend Park

2009-09-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

Pre-K 4 is starting soon and today we are scheduled to visit my daughter's classroom. I don't like to leave the apartment a mess so as I was doing dishes, I asked her to start picking up the toys she and her little brother had scattered all over the living room.

"But I'm at the park with my baby doll."

Ok, well if you're at the park with your baby doll, then I guess you can help out when you get back home.

She was completely confused by my lax acceptance of her refusal. And looking at me as if I must have lost my mind, she added, "You know, the pretend park."

Yes honey, I know that you're not really in the park.