Isabel's Rose

Three years ago today I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and learned that my babies heart stopped beating.  Three years ago today, I was induced into labor and was told my baby Isabel would arrive the next day.  It would be a "normal" delivery.  Three years ago today, life as I knew it changed.

Things are ok now.  I am blessed to have my Ava and I am blessed to have my son Luke.   Still,  I wonder what Isabel would have been like.  Would her temperment have been like Luke's?  Would she have been more like Ava? 

When I held her in my arms I noticed that she looked just like me.  I'm told by my sister that Luke looks just like me now. 

I still have the cute little cranberry sweater with the teeny tiny buttons on the shoulder that I bought for her when I was pregnant , along with the cute little piggie outfit from Gymboree that I bought in hopes for her to wear once she arrived. 

Her urn still sits in our hutch.  I'm not ready to let any of it go.  The clothes that were meant for her, will remain with me.  She will too because I still can't stand the thought of burying her.

About a week after Isabel's delivery, I received a note in the mail from Gerri and Georgie, my mom's cousins, telling us that they sent a rose bush in honor of her to my parents house to be planted in her memory. 

Two years ago, but not to this day, my father gave me this picture.  It's a photo of one of the roses from Isabel's rose bush.  I hung it on my fridge alongside all of the ones I had posted of Ava.  I looked at it daily.  I looked at it everytime I fixed a meal, everytime I got a drink, and everytime I made a snack (which is a whole lot of viewings a day because you all know how much I love my snacks).

It was one year ago today that I posted this picture of Isabel's rose in honor of her on my Facebook page.  It was one year ago today that my friend Sally asked if one of the petals was really heart shaped.  I didn't know what she was talking about so I had to go back and take another look at the picture.

I couldn't believe my eyes.  There it was right in front of me all of that time and I never noticed it before. 

I asked her if she thought it was a sign and she said that she was sure of it and that she was convinced that it was Isabel sending me her love.

It was one year ago today that a friend opened my eyes to a heart shaped petal that restored a little bit of my Faith.

Tomorrow is June 19th, Isabel's delivery date.  It was also my maternal Grandfather, Joseph's Birthday.   I remember my mom telling us that it was his Birthday in the hospital while my dad was holding Isabel in his arms.  My dad immediately looked down at Isabel and smiled and said, "Filomena's got you now."  Filomena was my maternal Grandmother.  It was one of the most poignant moments in my life.

Tomorrow Stephen and I have plans to go out to dinner to celebrate Father's Day and we will celebrate because we have two little ones to be very grateful for.

Tomorrow I imagine there will also be a big celebration in Heaven.   

I'm sending them all my love.