Sunday, April 25, 2010

Changed for Good

This has been the year of the Broadway show for me and I've been loving every minute of it.   I've seen both Lion King and Wicked for the 2nd time, God of Carnage, Next to Normal, we've got tickets for A Behanding in Spokane (Stephen's pick because he's a huge Christopher Walken fan)  and we're also planning on taking Ava to see Mary Poppins as one of her Birthday gifts.

I've always loved seeing shows and have seen quite a lot of them in the past, but really hadn't visited the theatre much in recent years.  Now the kids are getting to an age where they're happy to stay with a babysitter, which is making it easier to go out.  We live minutes from the city, so it seems silly not to take advantage of all that's at our fingertips and it's been a great year so far in the sense that I'm coming back to who I am.  Doing things that I love.  I'm feeling quite fortunate.

I'm a sensistive soul though and find myself tearing up at some of the performances.  The talent is amazing and some of the songs so touching.  The following words from  the song "For Good" from Wicked really touched me and got me thinking.

"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return.  Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you"..."Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good."

I sat there in the theatre and started looking back on my life.  I thought of all of those who have touched it in both positive and negative ways.  All bringing forth lessons.  All have helped me to grow, even if the lessons I learned were hard, and ones I didn't want to learn. 

I thought of Isabel too.  I was flooded with memories of her delivery.  I remembered holding her in my arms.  Measuring her tiny foot against my pinky finer.  I remembered how devastaed I was when I had to let her go...."So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you.  You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re-written mine."

Life is tough.  But, I am stronger for having her.  I am fortunate to have held her in my arms, even if it was only for one day. 

It's true that I have become tougher, I no longer just let things go.  I have less tolerance for the bullshit.  I see things and people very clearly now.  I stand up for myself.  I speak out.  Who can say if  I've been changed for the better?  I can say that I have been changed for good.

I see my daughter Ava learning tough lessons at such a young age and it breaks my heart, but they are lessons she must learn.  I see so much of myself in her.

There are those who come into our lives and lift our spirits. I received a note from a friend recently that I will hold on to forever....

One day recently, I could tell that she was having a tough day...she looked so sad, so I wanted to do something for her, to show her that I was there for her.  I knew that she liked these chocolate covered pretzels that I make so I whipped some up to give her the next day.  Not a big deal, just a little something.  In turn, she did something so kind.  She sent me a note of thanks and like I said, it's one that I will keep forever.  In it she wrote, "You have eyes that see. What a gift."  Such a simple sentence, but one that touched me so deeply and lifted me up.  Her words are those I will never forget.  

My daughter Ava is blessed with eyes that see.  She's a very empathetic, caring, and kind hearted kid.  It is my prayer for her that she has the strength to stand up for herself, to recognize who her friends are, and that life's tough lessons don't weaken her spirit, but in fact, build her up and make her even stronger.

I believe that they will.

"People come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow."

And we are changed for good.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

It's a Beautiful Morning

I'm back.  My Weight Watcher leader asked me to do a little 3-4 minute segment at an upcoming open house discussing weight loss and mommyhood and she suggested I mention my blog.  Thank you Julia for inspiring me to get back to it.

Spring is here and I am happy.  Poor kids have allergies though so I've kept Ava home from school for the past couple of days.  She was way worse on Monday and Tuesday but she insisted she go in.  Seems the days at school this week proved too much for her though seeing that she doesn't want to go back. Perhaps tomorrow.

I don't mind.  I like having her home with me.  It's just pre-K and I won't have the luxury of her company on weekdays once Kindergarten starts, and Kindergarten is right around the corner.  I thought I'd be sadder than I am, being that sending her to pre-k was so difficult for me, but I'm excited for her.  Naturally, I'm sure come August I will be having flashbacks of pushing my perfect baby girl in her stroller but that's par for the course as a mom.

It's going to be okay because I'm very excited about her new school.  That is definitely helping things.  As each day passes, it's revealed to me more and more how lucky we are that we've gotten this spot, and everyday I feel more and more blessed.  She'll be entering a Charter School.  Charter schools are run just like private schools, only paid for by public funds.  Jackpot!  Or, as a couple of people pointed out to me, Ava's got the golden ticket! there were only 12 spots open for Kindergarten and she has one of them.  God was definitely smiling down on us that day. 

Boy does it feel good to write again! I'll save more for another day though because, as you know, I have my best girl home with me today and we're going to spend some quality time together.  It's time to play Candy Land.

Perfect start to a beautiful day!