My uncle's memorial service was yesterday. He's gone and everything has changed. It's hard to accept so I keep focused on other things. The Holidays and other personal events have kept my mind occupied. When all is quiet though the sadness creeps it's way back in. My throat is sore from the lump in it.
My Grandmother, whose name was Filomena, and Grandfather or Pop Pop, named Joseph, had two children. My mom and my Uncle Francis. My uncle couldn't say Antoinette growing up so he just called her Sister. It stuck and now my aunt and all four cousins call her sister too. Luke calls Ava sister. I like that.
My mom and Uncle Fran grew up in New York City until the ages of nine and six when my Pop Pop moved the family to Long Island. Their entire family lived in New York City, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and I learned yesterday that the fact that my Grandfather moved my Grandma and the kids all the way to Plainview, really pissed my Grandma's mother off.
My Pop Pop was a kind-hearted gentleman and he made sure that he picked my Grandma's mother up every Friday night and returned her back home to the city every Sunday so she could come out to Long Island each weekend to spend time with her daughter and grandchildren. My great-grandma refused to talk to him during those long car rides. Not a word in either direction. I learned that this went on for a long, long time but it never stopped my Grandfather from picking her up. That was just the kind of guy he was.
My uncle was not the kind of guy who would stand for that but his heart was big all the same. He'd do anything for his family and his friends. He was loved. He was very successful and highly respected within his industry and many of his colleagues spoke at his service yesterday. My uncle was a real jokester so it was really fun to hear about his escapades. I remember one Christmas when I was a little girl, Uncle Fran picked out an archery set for my cousin Francis and then hand-painted a t-shirt with a bulls eye on it for my cousin Sal. His friends shared many similar stories yesterday, and I enjoyed hearing them all.
I had never been to a memorial service before. Been to plenty of wakes and funerals but never seen it done this way before and it was a true celebration of him and his life. He was loved very much by so many and it was nice to hear the stories his friends and my cousins and his grandchildren shared about him.
Christmas is in a couple days and my aunt and cousins and their families will all be at my parents house to celebrate and it's all because of him. Christmas is a big deal in our family and being Italian, Christmas Eve is just huge. We go all out with all of the pasta and the fish sauces. It's so much fun. I love our traditions. It was very important to him that the family be together at Christmas time and right before he even found out he was sick, he bought plane tickets for my cousins and their families to fly to the East coast so we could all be together at my parents house this year. I'm grateful to him to be able to spend this Christmas with my aunt and my cousins and their families because I love them all so much. The greatest gift we'll get this year are the memories we'll make as a family, all because of him. Thank you Uncle Francis. Nothing will ever be the same without him though and the thought of never seeing him again, makes me incredibly sad.
There are so many thoughts swirling in my head. So much I wanted to write. We just went to this yearly celebration at Ava's school called Kuumba Day. Kuumba (koo-OOM-bah), is the 6th principle of Kwanzaa; Creativity, To do as much as we can to leave our community more beautiful and beneficial than when we inherited it. A couple of the Kindergarten moms are very talented musicians and they came up with the idea of adding a drum circle to the festivities. My friend was excited to find out how well their concept for the drum circle was received and to learn the school was going to incorporate it on a yearly basis. I thought in that moment how very cool it was that my friends idea, therefore a part of them, would remain a part of the school forever. Children attending the school, far beyond their children's years in the school, will be positively impacted and inspired by something they created. The children will not know who was responsible for creating the drum circle, but the positive effects and the joy their creation brings, will be felt all the same.
My Uncle lives on in the recipes and techniques which inspired an industry. He lives on in the thoughts of all of all who loved him, he lives on in our hearts. He lives on in the stories and the memories we all will share and pass on from generation to generation.
We live on in our communities. Everyone might not know our names, and we may not be easily identified in our contributions, but the fact remains that we live on in all that we touch. In all that we share. In all that we do. It is in the seemingly small that the greatest contributions and impacts are made. It's in the sharing of our ideas and in the support we give our community members that make a difference. It's in all that we've done to lend a helping hand, to positively impact others that make us special.
Everyday we have the potential to touch and enhance lives we may not even be aware we are impacting. Let's use our powers for good.
Showing posts with label Introspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Introspective. Show all posts
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
'Tis the Season
The Christmas season is upon us and the kids and I have been having a lot of fun preparing for the Holidays. As you know, we enjoy baking for our family and friends and we are off to a great start. Our pretzels, Chocolates, Chocolate truffles, Italian Wedding and Chocolate Chip Cookies are done. Next up on our list are the Rugelach, Pinoli Cookies, Sesame Cookies and Coconut Macaroons. Yum! I've never made Rugelach before but I have my mom's recipe, which is delicious, so I can't wait to try them later on today.
Ava and I went to see the New York City Ballet perform the Nutcracker last weekend in Lincoln Center. We went to Bar Boulud beforehand for brunch, one of Daniel Boulud's restaurants that I've been dying to try, and had an amazing time together. We've decided to make this a yearly tradition and I'm already looking forward to next year. She's a really funny kid and decided that it would be fun to play a combination of Top Chef, as she was really excited to find out that the chef is a guest judge on that program from time to time, and Chopped. I enjoyed listening to her critique the food. It was funny to hear my five year old describe her potatoes prepared by a top chef in NYC as being "overdone".
Right now, I'm sitting in the living room all alone in the quiet with nothing lighting the room other than the white lights on our Christmas tree. The room looks beautiful. A ceramic Santa and Mrs. Claus sits on our mantle. My Grandmother, my mom's mom, made them both. She and my Grandfather ran a ceramics studio in their basement in Long Island. Their garage housed two kiln and my Grandfather was in charge of pouring the molds. I used to love painting ceramics alongside my Grandma and her friends when I was a little girl. My Grandma made the Santa and Mrs. Claus many years ago for my Aunt Maryann, my dad's brothers wife and also my Godmother. She was very special to me and we were very close. Last Christmas she sent the ceramics home with my parents for me. She wanted me to have them because they were made by my Grandma. She knew how much I loved her and thought it was important that I have them. Aunt Maryann passed away this past August. All of the Holidays on my dad's side were hosted at her and my Uncle Andy's house. Some of my fondest memories growing up were Christmas's a their home with tons of family around as well as our annual girls versus guys game of Trivial Pursuit.
My cousins asked me to do a reading at her funeral and I was honored to do so. I remember going to her home afterwards and soaking everything in. Waves of sadness overcame me, thinking about how much things were going to change now. It was hard to be in her home without her there.
Another great loss this year was the recent death of my uncle. My mom's brother. He passed away unexpectedly less than two weeks ago. I still can't believe it. I loved him very much. He was one of the funniest guys you'd ever meet. Very witty and always making fun of everyone in his path. It was all in good fun though. Everyone enjoyed being around him. We've spent Thanksgiving and Easter with them for many years and his absence, along with the fact that my aunt will be moving across the country as a result, has left me very sad. Things have changed tremendously on both sides of our family this year with the loss of two very special people close to my heart. Close to all of our hearts.
Stephen and I planned to go to the hospital to say goodbye to my uncle the day he died but we were too late. He called me at 4:15 to say that he was leaving work and we'd go to the hospital as soon as he got home. My sister called two minutes later to say that it was too late. On our walk back from Tae Kwon Do that afternoon, I turned to Ava and told her that I had something very important to talk to her about. She's spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle and adores them both. She put her hand up and said, "Don't tell me." She knew that something was going on and that I had been worried about him. I pressed on and told her that it was very important that I explain something to her. She said, "Don't tell me, I already know."
That night at dinner talk turned to how her week was at school. Two of the class hamsters had escaped from their cages. We knew that the baby hamster was found alive and well, but weren't sure what ever became of the older one known as Jack "Hammy" Hamster, so Stephen asked, "So Ava, what ever happened to Jack "Hammy" Hamster?" To which she replied... "You know, the same thing that happened to Uncle Fran".
Uncle Fran's Memorial Service is next week, just a few days before Christmas. Back in August, my uncle bought airline tickets for my cousins, their four kids, to fly to the East coast Christmas week so we could all be together at my parents house on Christmas day. It's been many years since we've all been together. In fact, we haven't all been together for Christmas since my Grandparents were alive. I'm very grateful that we will all be together this year. Naturally though, it will be a difficult year. I'm going to miss him very much. We're all going to miss him very much.
I know that as time goes on, we will all begin to heal. Nothing is more great or merciful than the gift of time.
One last thing that I'd like to share with you is that Ava's amazing teacher lent us a book to read together in light of all that's been going on entitled, "Houdini was..." It was written by a group of 2nd graders in honor of their class pet who died, who also happened to be a hamster. She warned me that the last page was going to make me cry so I may want to read it alone first.
It read...
As a wise person once said..."Don't cry that it's over...be happy that it happened."
Thank you Aunt Maryann and Uncle Francis for all of the love you've given and all of the memories you've helped our families create. You will be missed.
Ava and I went to see the New York City Ballet perform the Nutcracker last weekend in Lincoln Center. We went to Bar Boulud beforehand for brunch, one of Daniel Boulud's restaurants that I've been dying to try, and had an amazing time together. We've decided to make this a yearly tradition and I'm already looking forward to next year. She's a really funny kid and decided that it would be fun to play a combination of Top Chef, as she was really excited to find out that the chef is a guest judge on that program from time to time, and Chopped. I enjoyed listening to her critique the food. It was funny to hear my five year old describe her potatoes prepared by a top chef in NYC as being "overdone".
Right now, I'm sitting in the living room all alone in the quiet with nothing lighting the room other than the white lights on our Christmas tree. The room looks beautiful. A ceramic Santa and Mrs. Claus sits on our mantle. My Grandmother, my mom's mom, made them both. She and my Grandfather ran a ceramics studio in their basement in Long Island. Their garage housed two kiln and my Grandfather was in charge of pouring the molds. I used to love painting ceramics alongside my Grandma and her friends when I was a little girl. My Grandma made the Santa and Mrs. Claus many years ago for my Aunt Maryann, my dad's brothers wife and also my Godmother. She was very special to me and we were very close. Last Christmas she sent the ceramics home with my parents for me. She wanted me to have them because they were made by my Grandma. She knew how much I loved her and thought it was important that I have them. Aunt Maryann passed away this past August. All of the Holidays on my dad's side were hosted at her and my Uncle Andy's house. Some of my fondest memories growing up were Christmas's a their home with tons of family around as well as our annual girls versus guys game of Trivial Pursuit.
My cousins asked me to do a reading at her funeral and I was honored to do so. I remember going to her home afterwards and soaking everything in. Waves of sadness overcame me, thinking about how much things were going to change now. It was hard to be in her home without her there.
Another great loss this year was the recent death of my uncle. My mom's brother. He passed away unexpectedly less than two weeks ago. I still can't believe it. I loved him very much. He was one of the funniest guys you'd ever meet. Very witty and always making fun of everyone in his path. It was all in good fun though. Everyone enjoyed being around him. We've spent Thanksgiving and Easter with them for many years and his absence, along with the fact that my aunt will be moving across the country as a result, has left me very sad. Things have changed tremendously on both sides of our family this year with the loss of two very special people close to my heart. Close to all of our hearts.
Stephen and I planned to go to the hospital to say goodbye to my uncle the day he died but we were too late. He called me at 4:15 to say that he was leaving work and we'd go to the hospital as soon as he got home. My sister called two minutes later to say that it was too late. On our walk back from Tae Kwon Do that afternoon, I turned to Ava and told her that I had something very important to talk to her about. She's spent a lot of time with my aunt and uncle and adores them both. She put her hand up and said, "Don't tell me." She knew that something was going on and that I had been worried about him. I pressed on and told her that it was very important that I explain something to her. She said, "Don't tell me, I already know."
That night at dinner talk turned to how her week was at school. Two of the class hamsters had escaped from their cages. We knew that the baby hamster was found alive and well, but weren't sure what ever became of the older one known as Jack "Hammy" Hamster, so Stephen asked, "So Ava, what ever happened to Jack "Hammy" Hamster?" To which she replied... "You know, the same thing that happened to Uncle Fran".
Uncle Fran's Memorial Service is next week, just a few days before Christmas. Back in August, my uncle bought airline tickets for my cousins, their four kids, to fly to the East coast Christmas week so we could all be together at my parents house on Christmas day. It's been many years since we've all been together. In fact, we haven't all been together for Christmas since my Grandparents were alive. I'm very grateful that we will all be together this year. Naturally though, it will be a difficult year. I'm going to miss him very much. We're all going to miss him very much.
I know that as time goes on, we will all begin to heal. Nothing is more great or merciful than the gift of time.
One last thing that I'd like to share with you is that Ava's amazing teacher lent us a book to read together in light of all that's been going on entitled, "Houdini was..." It was written by a group of 2nd graders in honor of their class pet who died, who also happened to be a hamster. She warned me that the last page was going to make me cry so I may want to read it alone first.
It read...
As a wise person once said..."Don't cry that it's over...be happy that it happened."
Thank you Aunt Maryann and Uncle Francis for all of the love you've given and all of the memories you've helped our families create. You will be missed.
Monday, July 19, 2010
On Forgiveness and Change
The weaning process has been very hard on me. Luke seems to be fine but my hormones are completely out of whack and I look forward to this time passing quickly so I can feel normal again. My sadness is tied into the fact that he may be my last baby. I want more kids but am scared to go through another pregnancy for fear of another loss.
I find myself feeling out of sorts with emotions lately which have me thinking about a lot of things. The biggest topic which keeps popping up is that of forgiveness and the issues that I have with it.
A lot of it stems from the way I was growing up. I was a nice kid who had great friends and also had some "friends" who treated me like crap, yet I kept coming back for more. For me, it was all of the insecurities that come from being a teen aged girl and therefore fitting in with the group. There's always a ring leader and if you stand up to the ring leader, your on the outs of the group. Not with the group. On the outs of the group. The friendships within, remain secretly intact, however when it comes to social gatherings, the one who stands up to the leader wll most frequently find herself sitting at home on a Saturday night.
I was the girl who stood up to the leader and found herself sitting at home on quite a few weekends in a row, while the rest of my friends were out at the parties with the leader of the pack. Which looking back, doesn't say very much for those friendships but that's neither here nor there.
I didn't like sitting home so I learned to smile like a jerk in the face of the leader just to be able to go to the next party. Thus, be accepted by the group. Eventually, as I became more self assured, I broke ties with such friends and moved on. Things haven't changed much, I'm still the same girl who stands up for herself, and who suffers the consequences because of it. What has changed though is that I no longer smile like a jerk, in the face of one!
A lot of the issues I had growing up with always taking people's crap, had to do with my Catholic upbringing. I was taught by my parents and the church to be merciful. To show forgiveness. It's the right thing to do. That's true, but I believe that forgiveness is really the right thing to do for ourselves. The people who hurt us didn't care enough in the first place not to, so they would care very little whether they were forgiven or not. I also believe that Jesus loves us and doesn't care to see us continually being hurt by the same person/people. In order to love others, we must first love and I'll add respect ourselves.
I saw a lot of myself in Ava and Stephen and I began to work with her. She had been in a Christian preschool and they had a certain protocol which they follow when kids get into altercations. Basically, one kid does something mean to another and then the kid who is wronged then has to explain to the kid who did something mean what they did that got them so upset in order to get their apology. If they don't use their words, they don't get the apology. Once they do use their words, the kid who did something wrong then says that their sorry and the kid who was hurt needs to say I forgive you and move one. Which is absolutely fantastic for the kids who care very little about the feelings of their classmates and therefore hurt them in the first place, because there are no consequences. It kinda sucks for the nice kids though.
Stephen and I took matters into our own hands and Ava learned a hard lesson. If you tell someone no and they see you crying and they do something to you anyway, they are NOT your friend. Stay away from them because they will continue to do the same things over and over again. She cried. But, in the end it's an excellent life lesson to have learned at a young age. People don't change. So you need to figure out who your friends are and move on from those who are not in order to live a happy, sane life.
We ran into someone this weekend who has never been nice to me and has been down right hurtful in the past. In being hurtful to me, this person was also very hurtful to Stephen. He was a casualty of their not caring for me. There was no congratulations when Ava and Luke were born. There was no call or card of condolence when Isabel died. I said very little but in the end, asked how she was doing because I know she's going through a rough time. I'm pissed at myself now for even doing so because she hurt me and Stephen through our kids and there's no forgiveness for that.
Her response...."Do you really care?" People like this don't really change.
Mine response....NO! I really don't.
I may not be changed for the better, but I have been changed for GOOD!
I find myself feeling out of sorts with emotions lately which have me thinking about a lot of things. The biggest topic which keeps popping up is that of forgiveness and the issues that I have with it.
A lot of it stems from the way I was growing up. I was a nice kid who had great friends and also had some "friends" who treated me like crap, yet I kept coming back for more. For me, it was all of the insecurities that come from being a teen aged girl and therefore fitting in with the group. There's always a ring leader and if you stand up to the ring leader, your on the outs of the group. Not with the group. On the outs of the group. The friendships within, remain secretly intact, however when it comes to social gatherings, the one who stands up to the leader wll most frequently find herself sitting at home on a Saturday night.
I was the girl who stood up to the leader and found herself sitting at home on quite a few weekends in a row, while the rest of my friends were out at the parties with the leader of the pack. Which looking back, doesn't say very much for those friendships but that's neither here nor there.
I didn't like sitting home so I learned to smile like a jerk in the face of the leader just to be able to go to the next party. Thus, be accepted by the group. Eventually, as I became more self assured, I broke ties with such friends and moved on. Things haven't changed much, I'm still the same girl who stands up for herself, and who suffers the consequences because of it. What has changed though is that I no longer smile like a jerk, in the face of one!
A lot of the issues I had growing up with always taking people's crap, had to do with my Catholic upbringing. I was taught by my parents and the church to be merciful. To show forgiveness. It's the right thing to do. That's true, but I believe that forgiveness is really the right thing to do for ourselves. The people who hurt us didn't care enough in the first place not to, so they would care very little whether they were forgiven or not. I also believe that Jesus loves us and doesn't care to see us continually being hurt by the same person/people. In order to love others, we must first love and I'll add respect ourselves.
I saw a lot of myself in Ava and Stephen and I began to work with her. She had been in a Christian preschool and they had a certain protocol which they follow when kids get into altercations. Basically, one kid does something mean to another and then the kid who is wronged then has to explain to the kid who did something mean what they did that got them so upset in order to get their apology. If they don't use their words, they don't get the apology. Once they do use their words, the kid who did something wrong then says that their sorry and the kid who was hurt needs to say I forgive you and move one. Which is absolutely fantastic for the kids who care very little about the feelings of their classmates and therefore hurt them in the first place, because there are no consequences. It kinda sucks for the nice kids though.
Stephen and I took matters into our own hands and Ava learned a hard lesson. If you tell someone no and they see you crying and they do something to you anyway, they are NOT your friend. Stay away from them because they will continue to do the same things over and over again. She cried. But, in the end it's an excellent life lesson to have learned at a young age. People don't change. So you need to figure out who your friends are and move on from those who are not in order to live a happy, sane life.
We ran into someone this weekend who has never been nice to me and has been down right hurtful in the past. In being hurtful to me, this person was also very hurtful to Stephen. He was a casualty of their not caring for me. There was no congratulations when Ava and Luke were born. There was no call or card of condolence when Isabel died. I said very little but in the end, asked how she was doing because I know she's going through a rough time. I'm pissed at myself now for even doing so because she hurt me and Stephen through our kids and there's no forgiveness for that.
Her response...."Do you really care?" People like this don't really change.
Mine response....NO! I really don't.
I may not be changed for the better, but I have been changed for GOOD!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Mommy Read Me
Luke walked up to me this morning, handed me the book called Noisy Kisses and said, "Mommy read me." I love it when he does this. I'm happy that he enjoys being read to just as much as Ava does. I'm proud that my kids love books so much. Ava has an excellent vocabulary and I attribute that to all of the reading we've done together. Luke is repeating words and some sentences from his books. Aside from all they're learning, it's also important to me to take advantage of this special time we have together. The kids are growing up so fast and it won't be long until Ava prefers reading on her own, as opposed to being read to while sitting on my lap.
I realized this while in Barnes & Noble a few months back. I started out in the children's picture book section, and then wandered over to young readers age 5-7 to pick up the latest Ivy & Bean, when all of a sudden a wave of sadness washed over me. It occurred to me that it won't be long until Ava outgrows the picture books altogether.
There's still time for picture books though and my realization has made me treasure my time spent reading to them even more.
We have many many favorites. Far too many to list them all. However, off the top of my head, I can say that some of our very favorites are Little Red Bird by Nick Bruel, We're All In The Same Boat by Zachary R. Shapiro, The Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog! by Mo Willems, Tickle Monster by Josie Bissett, Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse, Lilly's Big Day, Yoko and Chrysanthemum by Kevin Hankes and Ballet Kitty by Bernette Ford.
What are your favorite children's books?
I realized this while in Barnes & Noble a few months back. I started out in the children's picture book section, and then wandered over to young readers age 5-7 to pick up the latest Ivy & Bean, when all of a sudden a wave of sadness washed over me. It occurred to me that it won't be long until Ava outgrows the picture books altogether.
There's still time for picture books though and my realization has made me treasure my time spent reading to them even more.
We have many many favorites. Far too many to list them all. However, off the top of my head, I can say that some of our very favorites are Little Red Bird by Nick Bruel, We're All In The Same Boat by Zachary R. Shapiro, The Pigeon Finds A Hot Dog! by Mo Willems, Tickle Monster by Josie Bissett, Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse, Lilly's Big Day, Yoko and Chrysanthemum by Kevin Hankes and Ballet Kitty by Bernette Ford.
What are your favorite children's books?
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Crazy Misunderstood
I just got back home from a nice, relaxing and much needed massage. I've done a number on my back. I think the combination of kickboxing, lifting Luke who is 35 lbs, carrying him up and down stairs, and pushing him in the stroller along with Ava attached via Buggy Board all around town, has really taken its toll.
I called for an appointment yesterday afternoon and got in for 9am this morning. I thought for a moment that it was going to stink to have to get up early and get out of the house to go but then realized how absolutely ridiculous that was. Yeah, God forbid I wake up a little early to go lay down for a 90 minute massage. That sooooooooooooooo hard! At least I can make fun of myself and get when I'm being ridiculous.
My massage therapist asked about the kids and I was telling her how Ava was off to Kindergarten in September. She asked how I felt about it expecting me to be sad but I'm really not. It's interesting because I hated the thought of putting her in pre-k. I was not ready to let her go at 3 years old. Kids are still so little then. They even still look like babies.
It was in the Fall of 2007 that we interviewed at her pre-school. Ava was only 2 at the time but would be entering their preschool program the following September at the age of three, if she, we, were accepted. I was pregnant with Luke at the time. Isabel had just been delivered a few months earlier and I was feeling so sad and scared wondering if Luke would actually come out alive. I had little interest in Ava being anywhere away from me, and here we were interviewing to send my baby girl away. May sound absolutely ridiculous and overly dramatic to you, but that's how it felt for me.
We found out that she was accepted into the schools 3 morning program on March 3rd of 2008. I remember because it was Stephen's Birthday. Two months later, Luke arrived via C-Section at 35 weeks, via emergency c-section due to complications with clotting. I realized that if I had not been at the Dr's office that day, that he would have died too and that and his short stint in the NICU due to the fact that he was having trouble breathing, had both me and Stephen completely unnerved. We had been through a lot in a one year span. Luke was actually meant to be delivered via c-section on June 19th, which was Isabel's delivery date.
We were both very afraid that Luke might have suffered some sort of brain damage due to the lack of oxygen at birth and once we were home we noticed that his breathing still didn't sound right. He was making really strange sounds. In order for me to get any sleep, my mom and sister went out and bought me one of those crib monitors for peace of mind. I knew that if he stopped breathing, an alarm would sound.
We see now that he's a strong, healthy little boy, who is smart as a whip! We didn't know what to expect then though because when he was in the NICU the Dr. kept finding these little things wrong with him. He ran a fever and was deficient in Vitamin C. It was one thing after the other. He even bares a scar on the top of his head which was caused by the IV the nurse had to put there for him to get the medications and vitamins he needed because it was the biggest vein she could find. She put it in wrong though and it dripped and caused the scarring.
School started in September and there I was with my little 3 year old girl and 4 month old son feeling shaken but at that point, no one knew what had happened to us and what we were going through.
I knew first hand that bad things did happen and that they happened to me.
I remember being completely freaked out the day we were told that the school would be taking the kids on a walking trip to the Hudson River and I was like, seriously? You're taking a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds to the River?! I envisioned one of them falling in, and by one of them, I mean Ava.
I'm pleased to report that no one fell in and all was smooth until the notice of lice in school came out 2 weeks before school was over. Once again, I'm thinking, if anyone's kid's gonna get it, it's gonna be my kid. I envisioned her coming home with it and passing it along to both me and Luke. Stephen was lucky, he's bald! There would be lice in the pillows and lice in the rugs. Yikes!
She didn't get lice though. Thankfully. After the school year was over though, I heard that one of the teachers said that some of the moms were crazy and actually called the school to see if there was lice in the classroom because God forbid their little darlings (or something to that affect) get lice.
I don't remember exactly because I was so overcome by the embarrassment at how I was being perceived.
As one of the "crazy" moms who called, was me.
I called for an appointment yesterday afternoon and got in for 9am this morning. I thought for a moment that it was going to stink to have to get up early and get out of the house to go but then realized how absolutely ridiculous that was. Yeah, God forbid I wake up a little early to go lay down for a 90 minute massage. That sooooooooooooooo hard! At least I can make fun of myself and get when I'm being ridiculous.
My massage therapist asked about the kids and I was telling her how Ava was off to Kindergarten in September. She asked how I felt about it expecting me to be sad but I'm really not. It's interesting because I hated the thought of putting her in pre-k. I was not ready to let her go at 3 years old. Kids are still so little then. They even still look like babies.
It was in the Fall of 2007 that we interviewed at her pre-school. Ava was only 2 at the time but would be entering their preschool program the following September at the age of three, if she, we, were accepted. I was pregnant with Luke at the time. Isabel had just been delivered a few months earlier and I was feeling so sad and scared wondering if Luke would actually come out alive. I had little interest in Ava being anywhere away from me, and here we were interviewing to send my baby girl away. May sound absolutely ridiculous and overly dramatic to you, but that's how it felt for me.
We found out that she was accepted into the schools 3 morning program on March 3rd of 2008. I remember because it was Stephen's Birthday. Two months later, Luke arrived via C-Section at 35 weeks, via emergency c-section due to complications with clotting. I realized that if I had not been at the Dr's office that day, that he would have died too and that and his short stint in the NICU due to the fact that he was having trouble breathing, had both me and Stephen completely unnerved. We had been through a lot in a one year span. Luke was actually meant to be delivered via c-section on June 19th, which was Isabel's delivery date.
We were both very afraid that Luke might have suffered some sort of brain damage due to the lack of oxygen at birth and once we were home we noticed that his breathing still didn't sound right. He was making really strange sounds. In order for me to get any sleep, my mom and sister went out and bought me one of those crib monitors for peace of mind. I knew that if he stopped breathing, an alarm would sound.
We see now that he's a strong, healthy little boy, who is smart as a whip! We didn't know what to expect then though because when he was in the NICU the Dr. kept finding these little things wrong with him. He ran a fever and was deficient in Vitamin C. It was one thing after the other. He even bares a scar on the top of his head which was caused by the IV the nurse had to put there for him to get the medications and vitamins he needed because it was the biggest vein she could find. She put it in wrong though and it dripped and caused the scarring.
School started in September and there I was with my little 3 year old girl and 4 month old son feeling shaken but at that point, no one knew what had happened to us and what we were going through.
I knew first hand that bad things did happen and that they happened to me.
I remember being completely freaked out the day we were told that the school would be taking the kids on a walking trip to the Hudson River and I was like, seriously? You're taking a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds to the River?! I envisioned one of them falling in, and by one of them, I mean Ava.
I'm pleased to report that no one fell in and all was smooth until the notice of lice in school came out 2 weeks before school was over. Once again, I'm thinking, if anyone's kid's gonna get it, it's gonna be my kid. I envisioned her coming home with it and passing it along to both me and Luke. Stephen was lucky, he's bald! There would be lice in the pillows and lice in the rugs. Yikes!
She didn't get lice though. Thankfully. After the school year was over though, I heard that one of the teachers said that some of the moms were crazy and actually called the school to see if there was lice in the classroom because God forbid their little darlings (or something to that affect) get lice.
I don't remember exactly because I was so overcome by the embarrassment at how I was being perceived.
As one of the "crazy" moms who called, was me.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Isabel's Rose
Three years ago today I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and learned that my babies heart stopped beating. Three years ago today, I was induced into labor and was told my baby Isabel would arrive the next day. It would be a "normal" delivery. Three years ago today, life as I knew it changed.
Things are ok now. I am blessed to have my Ava and I am blessed to have my son Luke. Still, I wonder what Isabel would have been like. Would her temperment have been like Luke's? Would she have been more like Ava?
When I held her in my arms I noticed that she looked just like me. I'm told by my sister that Luke looks just like me now.
I still have the cute little cranberry sweater with the teeny tiny buttons on the shoulder that I bought for her when I was pregnant , along with the cute little piggie outfit from Gymboree that I bought in hopes for her to wear once she arrived.
Her urn still sits in our hutch. I'm not ready to let any of it go. The clothes that were meant for her, will remain with me. She will too because I still can't stand the thought of burying her.
Two years ago, but not to this day, my father gave me this picture. It's a photo of one of the roses from Isabel's rose bush. I hung it on my fridge alongside all of the ones I had posted of Ava. I looked at it daily. I looked at it everytime I fixed a meal, everytime I got a drink, and everytime I made a snack (which is a whole lot of viewings a day because you all know how much I love my snacks).
It was one year ago today that I posted this picture of Isabel's rose in honor of her on my Facebook page. It was one year ago today that my friend Sally asked if one of the petals was really heart shaped. I didn't know what she was talking about so I had to go back and take another look at the picture.
I couldn't believe my eyes. There it was right in front of me all of that time and I never noticed it before.
I asked her if she thought it was a sign and she said that she was sure of it and that she was convinced that it was Isabel sending me her love.
It was one year ago today that a friend opened my eyes to a heart shaped petal that restored a little bit of my Faith.
Tomorrow is June 19th, Isabel's delivery date. It was also my maternal Grandfather, Joseph's Birthday. I remember my mom telling us that it was his Birthday in the hospital while my dad was holding Isabel in his arms. My dad immediately looked down at Isabel and smiled and said, "Filomena's got you now." Filomena was my maternal Grandmother. It was one of the most poignant moments in my life.
Tomorrow Stephen and I have plans to go out to dinner to celebrate Father's Day and we will celebrate because we have two little ones to be very grateful for.
Tomorrow I imagine there will also be a big celebration in Heaven.
I'm sending them all my love.
Things are ok now. I am blessed to have my Ava and I am blessed to have my son Luke. Still, I wonder what Isabel would have been like. Would her temperment have been like Luke's? Would she have been more like Ava?
When I held her in my arms I noticed that she looked just like me. I'm told by my sister that Luke looks just like me now.
I still have the cute little cranberry sweater with the teeny tiny buttons on the shoulder that I bought for her when I was pregnant , along with the cute little piggie outfit from Gymboree that I bought in hopes for her to wear once she arrived.
Her urn still sits in our hutch. I'm not ready to let any of it go. The clothes that were meant for her, will remain with me. She will too because I still can't stand the thought of burying her.
About a week after Isabel's delivery, I received a note in the mail from Gerri and Georgie, my mom's cousins, telling us that they sent a rose bush in honor of her to my parents house to be planted in her memory.
It was one year ago today that I posted this picture of Isabel's rose in honor of her on my Facebook page. It was one year ago today that my friend Sally asked if one of the petals was really heart shaped. I didn't know what she was talking about so I had to go back and take another look at the picture.
I couldn't believe my eyes. There it was right in front of me all of that time and I never noticed it before.
I asked her if she thought it was a sign and she said that she was sure of it and that she was convinced that it was Isabel sending me her love.
It was one year ago today that a friend opened my eyes to a heart shaped petal that restored a little bit of my Faith.
Tomorrow is June 19th, Isabel's delivery date. It was also my maternal Grandfather, Joseph's Birthday. I remember my mom telling us that it was his Birthday in the hospital while my dad was holding Isabel in his arms. My dad immediately looked down at Isabel and smiled and said, "Filomena's got you now." Filomena was my maternal Grandmother. It was one of the most poignant moments in my life.
Tomorrow Stephen and I have plans to go out to dinner to celebrate Father's Day and we will celebrate because we have two little ones to be very grateful for.
Tomorrow I imagine there will also be a big celebration in Heaven.
I'm sending them all my love.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Segment
I was asked by my Weight Watcher leader to do a 3-4 minute segment on Mommyhood and weight loss for the open house tonight. Still not exactly sure of what I'm going to say, but I DO like to talk about myself so I'm thinking it'll be a breeze ;)
I actually haven't lost much weight this year, have basically just been maintaining. I've been getting more compliments lately though, so I'm thinking that all of the kickboxing I do has been paying off and has made me lose inches.
Part of the standstill with the weight loss is actually a very good thing and it's that I feel so good about myself now. I've lost a tremendous amount of weight since having Ava and clothes shopping has become a lot of fun, rather than something I dread.
Plus, I was watching the View a couple of weeks ago and they did a segment on a new study which revealed that women carrying 10-15 lbs of extra weight are actually healthier. Something about the extra weight warding off osteoporosis and making us all look a lot younger. It will not surprise you to hear that I am a HUGE fan of this new study. Kudos to the studiers is what I say!
I hope I can offer some good tips to help the other moms tonight. I know the biggest challenges I've faced with food as a mom has a lot to do with emotional eating. My pregnancy with Luke was so stressful after suffering the loss of Isabel, and his emergency delivery was so startling to me, that as soon as I came home from the hospital with him I started fixing myself big bowls of ice cream mixed with Entenmann's chocolate cake to soothe my nerves. I had been through a lot so I allowed myself that, for a while anyway. But then I went back to my meetings and I am much happier and healthier for it.
I want my kids to be proud of me. I like it when Ava tells me I look pretty, even if she qualifies it......Direct quote..."Mommy you're pretty but you're PRETTIER with your make-up on, BUT, you look pretty without your make-up on too, BUT ,you look SOOOOO much prettier when your make-up is on." Thanks honey. I'll take it.
Well, I have many thoughts to organize and a 3-4 minute segment to plan. I hope I do a good job tonight.
Wish me luck!
What are the challenges that you face when it comes to weight loss and mommyhood?
I actually haven't lost much weight this year, have basically just been maintaining. I've been getting more compliments lately though, so I'm thinking that all of the kickboxing I do has been paying off and has made me lose inches.
Part of the standstill with the weight loss is actually a very good thing and it's that I feel so good about myself now. I've lost a tremendous amount of weight since having Ava and clothes shopping has become a lot of fun, rather than something I dread.
Plus, I was watching the View a couple of weeks ago and they did a segment on a new study which revealed that women carrying 10-15 lbs of extra weight are actually healthier. Something about the extra weight warding off osteoporosis and making us all look a lot younger. It will not surprise you to hear that I am a HUGE fan of this new study. Kudos to the studiers is what I say!
I hope I can offer some good tips to help the other moms tonight. I know the biggest challenges I've faced with food as a mom has a lot to do with emotional eating. My pregnancy with Luke was so stressful after suffering the loss of Isabel, and his emergency delivery was so startling to me, that as soon as I came home from the hospital with him I started fixing myself big bowls of ice cream mixed with Entenmann's chocolate cake to soothe my nerves. I had been through a lot so I allowed myself that, for a while anyway. But then I went back to my meetings and I am much happier and healthier for it.
I want my kids to be proud of me. I like it when Ava tells me I look pretty, even if she qualifies it......Direct quote..."Mommy you're pretty but you're PRETTIER with your make-up on, BUT, you look pretty without your make-up on too, BUT ,you look SOOOOO much prettier when your make-up is on." Thanks honey. I'll take it.
Well, I have many thoughts to organize and a 3-4 minute segment to plan. I hope I do a good job tonight.
Wish me luck!
What are the challenges that you face when it comes to weight loss and mommyhood?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Changed for Good
This has been the year of the Broadway show for me and I've been loving every minute of it. I've seen both Lion King and Wicked for the 2nd time, God of Carnage, Next to Normal, we've got tickets for A Behanding in Spokane (Stephen's pick because he's a huge Christopher Walken fan) and we're also planning on taking Ava to see Mary Poppins as one of her Birthday gifts.
I've always loved seeing shows and have seen quite a lot of them in the past, but really hadn't visited the theatre much in recent years. Now the kids are getting to an age where they're happy to stay with a babysitter, which is making it easier to go out. We live minutes from the city, so it seems silly not to take advantage of all that's at our fingertips and it's been a great year so far in the sense that I'm coming back to who I am. Doing things that I love. I'm feeling quite fortunate.
I'm a sensistive soul though and find myself tearing up at some of the performances. The talent is amazing and some of the songs so touching. The following words from the song "For Good" from Wicked really touched me and got me thinking.
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you"..."Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good."
I sat there in the theatre and started looking back on my life. I thought of all of those who have touched it in both positive and negative ways. All bringing forth lessons. All have helped me to grow, even if the lessons I learned were hard, and ones I didn't want to learn.
I thought of Isabel too. I was flooded with memories of her delivery. I remembered holding her in my arms. Measuring her tiny foot against my pinky finer. I remembered how devastaed I was when I had to let her go...."So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re-written mine."
Life is tough. But, I am stronger for having her. I am fortunate to have held her in my arms, even if it was only for one day.
It's true that I have become tougher, I no longer just let things go. I have less tolerance for the bullshit. I see things and people very clearly now. I stand up for myself. I speak out. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I can say that I have been changed for good.
I see my daughter Ava learning tough lessons at such a young age and it breaks my heart, but they are lessons she must learn. I see so much of myself in her.
There are those who come into our lives and lift our spirits. I received a note from a friend recently that I will hold on to forever....
One day recently, I could tell that she was having a tough day...she looked so sad, so I wanted to do something for her, to show her that I was there for her. I knew that she liked these chocolate covered pretzels that I make so I whipped some up to give her the next day. Not a big deal, just a little something. In turn, she did something so kind. She sent me a note of thanks and like I said, it's one that I will keep forever. In it she wrote, "You have eyes that see. What a gift." Such a simple sentence, but one that touched me so deeply and lifted me up. Her words are those I will never forget.
My daughter Ava is blessed with eyes that see. She's a very empathetic, caring, and kind hearted kid. It is my prayer for her that she has the strength to stand up for herself, to recognize who her friends are, and that life's tough lessons don't weaken her spirit, but in fact, build her up and make her even stronger.
I believe that they will.
"People come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow."
And we are changed for good.
I've always loved seeing shows and have seen quite a lot of them in the past, but really hadn't visited the theatre much in recent years. Now the kids are getting to an age where they're happy to stay with a babysitter, which is making it easier to go out. We live minutes from the city, so it seems silly not to take advantage of all that's at our fingertips and it's been a great year so far in the sense that I'm coming back to who I am. Doing things that I love. I'm feeling quite fortunate.
I'm a sensistive soul though and find myself tearing up at some of the performances. The talent is amazing and some of the songs so touching. The following words from the song "For Good" from Wicked really touched me and got me thinking.
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you"..."Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good."
I sat there in the theatre and started looking back on my life. I thought of all of those who have touched it in both positive and negative ways. All bringing forth lessons. All have helped me to grow, even if the lessons I learned were hard, and ones I didn't want to learn.
I thought of Isabel too. I was flooded with memories of her delivery. I remembered holding her in my arms. Measuring her tiny foot against my pinky finer. I remembered how devastaed I was when I had to let her go...."So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end. I know you have re-written mine."
Life is tough. But, I am stronger for having her. I am fortunate to have held her in my arms, even if it was only for one day.
It's true that I have become tougher, I no longer just let things go. I have less tolerance for the bullshit. I see things and people very clearly now. I stand up for myself. I speak out. Who can say if I've been changed for the better? I can say that I have been changed for good.
I see my daughter Ava learning tough lessons at such a young age and it breaks my heart, but they are lessons she must learn. I see so much of myself in her.
There are those who come into our lives and lift our spirits. I received a note from a friend recently that I will hold on to forever....
One day recently, I could tell that she was having a tough day...she looked so sad, so I wanted to do something for her, to show her that I was there for her. I knew that she liked these chocolate covered pretzels that I make so I whipped some up to give her the next day. Not a big deal, just a little something. In turn, she did something so kind. She sent me a note of thanks and like I said, it's one that I will keep forever. In it she wrote, "You have eyes that see. What a gift." Such a simple sentence, but one that touched me so deeply and lifted me up. Her words are those I will never forget.
My daughter Ava is blessed with eyes that see. She's a very empathetic, caring, and kind hearted kid. It is my prayer for her that she has the strength to stand up for herself, to recognize who her friends are, and that life's tough lessons don't weaken her spirit, but in fact, build her up and make her even stronger.
I believe that they will.
"People come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow."
And we are changed for good.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
It's a Beautiful Morning
I'm back. My Weight Watcher leader asked me to do a little 3-4 minute segment at an upcoming open house discussing weight loss and mommyhood and she suggested I mention my blog. Thank you Julia for inspiring me to get back to it.
Spring is here and I am happy. Poor kids have allergies though so I've kept Ava home from school for the past couple of days. She was way worse on Monday and Tuesday but she insisted she go in. Seems the days at school this week proved too much for her though seeing that she doesn't want to go back. Perhaps tomorrow.
I don't mind. I like having her home with me. It's just pre-K and I won't have the luxury of her company on weekdays once Kindergarten starts, and Kindergarten is right around the corner. I thought I'd be sadder than I am, being that sending her to pre-k was so difficult for me, but I'm excited for her. Naturally, I'm sure come August I will be having flashbacks of pushing my perfect baby girl in her stroller but that's par for the course as a mom.
It's going to be okay because I'm very excited about her new school. That is definitely helping things. As each day passes, it's revealed to me more and more how lucky we are that we've gotten this spot, and everyday I feel more and more blessed. She'll be entering a Charter School. Charter schools are run just like private schools, only paid for by public funds. Jackpot! Or, as a couple of people pointed out to me, Ava's got the golden ticket!...as there were only 12 spots open for Kindergarten and she has one of them. God was definitely smiling down on us that day.
Boy does it feel good to write again! I'll save more for another day though because, as you know, I have my best girl home with me today and we're going to spend some quality time together. It's time to play Candy Land.
Perfect start to a beautiful day!
Spring is here and I am happy. Poor kids have allergies though so I've kept Ava home from school for the past couple of days. She was way worse on Monday and Tuesday but she insisted she go in. Seems the days at school this week proved too much for her though seeing that she doesn't want to go back. Perhaps tomorrow.
I don't mind. I like having her home with me. It's just pre-K and I won't have the luxury of her company on weekdays once Kindergarten starts, and Kindergarten is right around the corner. I thought I'd be sadder than I am, being that sending her to pre-k was so difficult for me, but I'm excited for her. Naturally, I'm sure come August I will be having flashbacks of pushing my perfect baby girl in her stroller but that's par for the course as a mom.
It's going to be okay because I'm very excited about her new school. That is definitely helping things. As each day passes, it's revealed to me more and more how lucky we are that we've gotten this spot, and everyday I feel more and more blessed. She'll be entering a Charter School. Charter schools are run just like private schools, only paid for by public funds. Jackpot! Or, as a couple of people pointed out to me, Ava's got the golden ticket!...as there were only 12 spots open for Kindergarten and she has one of them. God was definitely smiling down on us that day.
Boy does it feel good to write again! I'll save more for another day though because, as you know, I have my best girl home with me today and we're going to spend some quality time together. It's time to play Candy Land.
Perfect start to a beautiful day!
Friday, February 26, 2010
Kookie Chocolates and Nips
I've spent this snowy day relaxing in my pj's and reading Simple Abundance. I decided to share one of the authors ideas with my husband. I explained to him that I was enjoying the book but how sometimes she takes things a little too far. For example, I won't be placing a votive filled tray in front of a mirror, striking a match, and therefore ceremoniously creating my own northern lights.
What I did like was her idea of creating a "comfort drawer". A drawer full of small indulgences that you can turn to when you're feeling a little blue. I thought it was a great idea. Why not? Maybe I could put in some cozy pj's, my favorite pair of warm fuzzy socks, some cookbooks.
I enjoy making lists so I thought this would be a fun exercise for me.
I continued telling him about the comfort drawer and began reading the list of items to him that the author suggests be placed in the drawer; chocolate truffles, miniature fruit cordials, miniature after-dinner drinks, old love letters...
Stephen - "Wait...Nips?...Is she talking about nips?...Does she want you to put nips in your drawer?"
I sensed at this moment, because he was laughing so hard, that he did not share my enthusiasm towards the comfort drawer.
I said, yes, she's talking about nips.
Stephen - more laughter but now I see that tears are streaming down from his eyes and now I'm starting to laugh too.
Stephen - "Is this a real book you're reading or a jokie book?"
Me - It's a real book
Stephen - "Really? Because it seems like a jokie book, you know something Chelsea Handler would make fun of?...You're not going to start a comfort drawer are you?... Are you really going to start a comfort drawer?...You're not going to fill a drawer with kookie chocolates and nips, are you?...Did your mother give you this book?"
Now I'm laughing so hard that tears are streaming down from my eyes too.
I don't care what he says though, if I want a kookie comfort drawer, I'll make myself a kookie comfort drawer.
If you created your own comfort drawer, which items would you put in?
What I did like was her idea of creating a "comfort drawer". A drawer full of small indulgences that you can turn to when you're feeling a little blue. I thought it was a great idea. Why not? Maybe I could put in some cozy pj's, my favorite pair of warm fuzzy socks, some cookbooks.
I enjoy making lists so I thought this would be a fun exercise for me.
I continued telling him about the comfort drawer and began reading the list of items to him that the author suggests be placed in the drawer; chocolate truffles, miniature fruit cordials, miniature after-dinner drinks, old love letters...
Stephen - "Wait...Nips?...Is she talking about nips?...Does she want you to put nips in your drawer?"
I sensed at this moment, because he was laughing so hard, that he did not share my enthusiasm towards the comfort drawer.
I said, yes, she's talking about nips.
Stephen - more laughter but now I see that tears are streaming down from his eyes and now I'm starting to laugh too.
Stephen - "Is this a real book you're reading or a jokie book?"
Me - It's a real book
Stephen - "Really? Because it seems like a jokie book, you know something Chelsea Handler would make fun of?...You're not going to start a comfort drawer are you?... Are you really going to start a comfort drawer?...You're not going to fill a drawer with kookie chocolates and nips, are you?...Did your mother give you this book?"
Now I'm laughing so hard that tears are streaming down from my eyes too.
I don't care what he says though, if I want a kookie comfort drawer, I'll make myself a kookie comfort drawer.
If you created your own comfort drawer, which items would you put in?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I'll Have What She's Having?
I was reading my friend Sally's "Monday Mama Muse" on her blog last night and came across her most recent and amazing post about rediscovering yourself. I can't even believe the timing of it because this is a topic that I have been doing a lot of soul searching about lately. What do I like? Not, what does my mother, sister, friend, or the media tell me to like. What do I like? For a while it seemed I didn't even know. I was looking to the people around me to tell me what was good, what I should like.
As Sally so wisely observed and wrote in her post, kids know who they are. Kids know what they like.
I knew exactly who I was as a kid. I knew what I liked and I went with it. I truly didn't care what anyone thought of me. Then one day that changed. I'm supposing it occurred somewhere around the teenage years. At some point I think we all start to conform to the people around us a little, seeking out approval in order to fit in.
I've seen it happen to me as an adult after my daughter was born. I looked around and saw that I was a lone Graco in a sea of Bugaboo's. Thankfully my insecurities didn't push me into a $1,000 stroller purchase, but it sure did cross my mind. Not because I needed or wanted one, but because everyone else seemed to have one.
Anyhow, it didn't take long before my daughter outgrew the Graco and I became a Maclaren. When my son arrived, I was a second-hand Jane. I am now a Maclaren plus Buggy Board attachment.
I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately, both big and small to rediscover who I am.
Do I prefer to drink my coffee from a dainty china cup or a big sturdy mug? A big sturdy mug. Then why is my hutch full of paper thin china?
Is it the City or Suburbs?
Milk in my coffee or cream?
Are Ugg boots the greatest, or simply Ugg-ly?
Are you going to discover what it is YOU really want, or are you going to be a "I'll have what she's having" kind of girl?
The road to self discovery is a long one indeed.
What are the questions that you ask yourself?
As Sally so wisely observed and wrote in her post, kids know who they are. Kids know what they like.
I knew exactly who I was as a kid. I knew what I liked and I went with it. I truly didn't care what anyone thought of me. Then one day that changed. I'm supposing it occurred somewhere around the teenage years. At some point I think we all start to conform to the people around us a little, seeking out approval in order to fit in.
I've seen it happen to me as an adult after my daughter was born. I looked around and saw that I was a lone Graco in a sea of Bugaboo's. Thankfully my insecurities didn't push me into a $1,000 stroller purchase, but it sure did cross my mind. Not because I needed or wanted one, but because everyone else seemed to have one.
Anyhow, it didn't take long before my daughter outgrew the Graco and I became a Maclaren. When my son arrived, I was a second-hand Jane. I am now a Maclaren plus Buggy Board attachment.
I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately, both big and small to rediscover who I am.
Do I prefer to drink my coffee from a dainty china cup or a big sturdy mug? A big sturdy mug. Then why is my hutch full of paper thin china?
Is it the City or Suburbs?
Milk in my coffee or cream?
Are Ugg boots the greatest, or simply Ugg-ly?
Are you going to discover what it is YOU really want, or are you going to be a "I'll have what she's having" kind of girl?
The road to self discovery is a long one indeed.
What are the questions that you ask yourself?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Simple Pleasures, Daily Joys
I continued my reading of Simple Abundance this weekend, and am now up to date. The book is divided into months and then into individual days within the months. Sort of what my blog would look like, if I actually wrote something every day.
I'm taking from the book, the things that resonate with me, and then letting go of the rest.
At one point, the author suggests going to a travel agent to collect information and brochures, even if you have no intention of traveling at the moment. She then instructs her readers to go home, cut out the pictures of the locations and images they're drawn to, and begin creating a collage.
Ehhh, that was a little too much for me. Probably because I have zero interest in travel at the moment. Although, I do love to fly...once the Xanax has kicked in.
That being said, who's to say that I won't completely embrace this idea in the future. Perhaps, I will revisit the book 5 years from now, and think this is such a great idea, that I immediately start rummaging through my drawers, in search of glue and a pair of scissors.
What has resonated with me?
Enjoying the simple pleasures in life. The everyday joys we find in the life that we ARE living. Life can be hard and it's stressful at times. For me personally, I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom, but being at your families beck and call, 24/7, can be mentally taxing. That's why I love the fact that the place I do my kickboxing, has a special moms time slot with daycare. I'm not hiring a nanny to go and work out, and I'm certainly not going to go to class at night when my husband gets home. For one, I'm just way too hungry a girl to go work out at dinner time, and two, there's too much to do....clean up, bathe the kids, read stories...get the kids to go to bed.
I tend to spend a lot of time planning date nights, figuring out which play I'd like to see next, looking over menus at restaurants I'd like to try. All the while placing so much importance on the event itself.
Of course the event is important, but what I realized, is that what is equally as important, is the joy I derived from reading those restaurant menus online, in my pajamas, on a Monday night.
It's the beauty that comes from the mundane from which we derive the most joy. Once you start to notice these things, you realize just how great you've got it. Just how precious and wonderful life is.
What are the things and moments that bring me the most joy?
Waking up every morning to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee brewing. The comfort I feel when I light a Yankee candle in my home. The rush I feel in Barnes & Noble, or when filling up my electronic shopping cart with books for my children. Reading those new books to them. Receiving and flipping through a new cookbook. Making my grocery list. Planning the Holiday menus with my mother and sister. Cooking a meal for my family. Reading restaurant menus. Trying new foods. Baking with my daughter. A hot shower, comfie pajamas and putting on warm fuzzy socks. Going into Dunkin Donuts for coffee and ordering it with cream and sugar, instead of milk and Splenda. Seeing the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations being put up year after year. When my son comes over wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle. When my daughter reaches out to hold my hand. When I see my sons little hand reach out for his sisters. There are so many little things that go on in my daily life that bring me comfort and joy.
It's also the unexpected moments in life, that are the most treasured. We planned a big day for Ava in the city. We took her to a fancy restaurant for lunch and to see a matinee of The Lion King. It was a wonderful day. But, do you know which days brought us all the most joy? It was the day she came running out of school announcing to me that she was chosen to be Mary in her school play. And, it was on the day of the play, when we got to see her as Mary, proudly being pulled in by her teacher, on a wooden donkey. Those are the days and the memories that really warm my heart.
What are the things in your day to day life that bring you the most joy?
I'm taking from the book, the things that resonate with me, and then letting go of the rest.
At one point, the author suggests going to a travel agent to collect information and brochures, even if you have no intention of traveling at the moment. She then instructs her readers to go home, cut out the pictures of the locations and images they're drawn to, and begin creating a collage.
Ehhh, that was a little too much for me. Probably because I have zero interest in travel at the moment. Although, I do love to fly...once the Xanax has kicked in.
That being said, who's to say that I won't completely embrace this idea in the future. Perhaps, I will revisit the book 5 years from now, and think this is such a great idea, that I immediately start rummaging through my drawers, in search of glue and a pair of scissors.
What has resonated with me?
Enjoying the simple pleasures in life. The everyday joys we find in the life that we ARE living. Life can be hard and it's stressful at times. For me personally, I'm blessed to be a stay at home mom, but being at your families beck and call, 24/7, can be mentally taxing. That's why I love the fact that the place I do my kickboxing, has a special moms time slot with daycare. I'm not hiring a nanny to go and work out, and I'm certainly not going to go to class at night when my husband gets home. For one, I'm just way too hungry a girl to go work out at dinner time, and two, there's too much to do....clean up, bathe the kids, read stories...get the kids to go to bed.
I tend to spend a lot of time planning date nights, figuring out which play I'd like to see next, looking over menus at restaurants I'd like to try. All the while placing so much importance on the event itself.
Of course the event is important, but what I realized, is that what is equally as important, is the joy I derived from reading those restaurant menus online, in my pajamas, on a Monday night.
It's the beauty that comes from the mundane from which we derive the most joy. Once you start to notice these things, you realize just how great you've got it. Just how precious and wonderful life is.
What are the things and moments that bring me the most joy?
Waking up every morning to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee brewing. The comfort I feel when I light a Yankee candle in my home. The rush I feel in Barnes & Noble, or when filling up my electronic shopping cart with books for my children. Reading those new books to them. Receiving and flipping through a new cookbook. Making my grocery list. Planning the Holiday menus with my mother and sister. Cooking a meal for my family. Reading restaurant menus. Trying new foods. Baking with my daughter. A hot shower, comfie pajamas and putting on warm fuzzy socks. Going into Dunkin Donuts for coffee and ordering it with cream and sugar, instead of milk and Splenda. Seeing the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations being put up year after year. When my son comes over wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle. When my daughter reaches out to hold my hand. When I see my sons little hand reach out for his sisters. There are so many little things that go on in my daily life that bring me comfort and joy.
It's also the unexpected moments in life, that are the most treasured. We planned a big day for Ava in the city. We took her to a fancy restaurant for lunch and to see a matinee of The Lion King. It was a wonderful day. But, do you know which days brought us all the most joy? It was the day she came running out of school announcing to me that she was chosen to be Mary in her school play. And, it was on the day of the play, when we got to see her as Mary, proudly being pulled in by her teacher, on a wooden donkey. Those are the days and the memories that really warm my heart.
What are the things in your day to day life that bring you the most joy?
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Simple Abundance
In one of my first ever posts, Who Is That Woman Staring Back at Me, I wrote about looking in the mirror and not even recognizing my own face anymore. For those of you who know me personally, and for those who read my blog, you know that in between my daughter and son, I had a stillborn baby girl, Isabel. It took a great toll on me emotionally and life for me will forever be divided into the time before I found out that my babies heart stopped beating, and life afterwards.
I know that you can relate, because we have all suffered loss. A good friend of mine recently lost her mother. The other day I looked at one of the photos she posted of herself. In the photo, she was smiling, but her eyes told another story. They were glassy. They looked so sad. My heart broke for her, knowing how difficult her road is right now, and how only time can begin to ease her grief. Her life forever divided into the time before her mom died and her life afterwards.
About 15 years ago, my mom gave me a book called Simple Abundance. I was very young then, just beginning to live my life, so it wasn't a book I could relate to at the time. Simple Abundance went unread for all of these years. Still, I've carried it around with me from state to state, and apartment to apartment throughout my life's journey.
For some reason, I felt inspired to take it out from our bookshelf last night and began to read. It is clearly meant for me at this time in my life, as one of the first entries discusses looking in the mirror and not even recognizing your own face. Apparantly, this phenomenon is real and has a name, it's called "displacement of self." The book goes on to say that this happens in times of great stress.
But there are every day stresses that we face as women. That we face as mothers. Especially, as mothers of small children. For example, I've been trying to write this post for about an hour now and my son has come over to me 4 times already to be nursed (I have got to get him off of the breast!), one of my daughters toys is "singing" and there is some sort of disagreement going on about a toy.
On top of the chaos going on with the kids, I've gotten two phone calls while trying to write. I am thinking about my messy apartment, the laundry that I should be doing, and wondering if the chicken that I took out for dinner tonight willl be defrosted in time.
I am being pulled in all different directions.
I am growing more and more frustrated because all I really want to do is get this post done, because writing is something for me, something I've been doing to get back to who I am. Right now, it seems impossible, and is becoming a great source of stress.
But, as the late, great, John Lennon said, "Life is What Happens to you while you are busy making other plans."
So, as the author of Simple Abundance suggests, even though I'm feeling a little harried, I am going to focus on all that I have to be grateful for. I will start a journal and every day I will write down 5 of the things that I have to be grateful for on that given day. Today, I will share them with you.
1) My beautiful daughter Ava, and the blessing of a perfect and joyful pregnancy with her.
2) The day I spent holding my daughter Isabel and the fact that my sister, mother and father came to my side that day, and held my baby too.
3) Dr. Manny Alvarez, the physician who took such good care of me during my pregnancy with Luke, and who ultimately saved my sons life. I thank God every day for Luke.
4) Being a stay at home mom.
5) The 3 bedroom, city apartment, that I am going to have to spend the rest of my day cleaning.
What 5 things do you feel grateful for today?
I know that you can relate, because we have all suffered loss. A good friend of mine recently lost her mother. The other day I looked at one of the photos she posted of herself. In the photo, she was smiling, but her eyes told another story. They were glassy. They looked so sad. My heart broke for her, knowing how difficult her road is right now, and how only time can begin to ease her grief. Her life forever divided into the time before her mom died and her life afterwards.
About 15 years ago, my mom gave me a book called Simple Abundance. I was very young then, just beginning to live my life, so it wasn't a book I could relate to at the time. Simple Abundance went unread for all of these years. Still, I've carried it around with me from state to state, and apartment to apartment throughout my life's journey.
For some reason, I felt inspired to take it out from our bookshelf last night and began to read. It is clearly meant for me at this time in my life, as one of the first entries discusses looking in the mirror and not even recognizing your own face. Apparantly, this phenomenon is real and has a name, it's called "displacement of self." The book goes on to say that this happens in times of great stress.
But there are every day stresses that we face as women. That we face as mothers. Especially, as mothers of small children. For example, I've been trying to write this post for about an hour now and my son has come over to me 4 times already to be nursed (I have got to get him off of the breast!), one of my daughters toys is "singing" and there is some sort of disagreement going on about a toy.
On top of the chaos going on with the kids, I've gotten two phone calls while trying to write. I am thinking about my messy apartment, the laundry that I should be doing, and wondering if the chicken that I took out for dinner tonight willl be defrosted in time.
I am being pulled in all different directions.
I am growing more and more frustrated because all I really want to do is get this post done, because writing is something for me, something I've been doing to get back to who I am. Right now, it seems impossible, and is becoming a great source of stress.
But, as the late, great, John Lennon said, "Life is What Happens to you while you are busy making other plans."
So, as the author of Simple Abundance suggests, even though I'm feeling a little harried, I am going to focus on all that I have to be grateful for. I will start a journal and every day I will write down 5 of the things that I have to be grateful for on that given day. Today, I will share them with you.
1) My beautiful daughter Ava, and the blessing of a perfect and joyful pregnancy with her.
2) The day I spent holding my daughter Isabel and the fact that my sister, mother and father came to my side that day, and held my baby too.
3) Dr. Manny Alvarez, the physician who took such good care of me during my pregnancy with Luke, and who ultimately saved my sons life. I thank God every day for Luke.
4) Being a stay at home mom.
5) The 3 bedroom, city apartment, that I am going to have to spend the rest of my day cleaning.
What 5 things do you feel grateful for today?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
School Days, School Daze
I said in my Resolutions for the New Year post that I was going to challenge myself to write through the times when I am struggling with something personal. As you can see by my lack of blog entries for the months of January and February, I had a difficult time doing so.
It wasn't even a personal struggle, in fact it was a blessing. I prayed for something very specific for my children and that prayer was answered.
Still, it is a time of transition, and so as not to sound annoyingly mysterious, I'm going to share with you that my daughter got into our school of choice for Kindergarten.
It's wonderful and exciting, and quite a relief. Choosing a school when you live in a city is not an easy task. In fact, it can be down-right grueling. It's not like it was where I grew up, and everyone just went to the schools that were closest to their homes. This was a much more stressful process.
So, I'm feeling pretty great, very thankful and optimistic for the upcoming school years!
I am just hoping that I am able to do more writing and that this post wakes me out of my funk. I do not know why I am struggling so much. I don't know if what I have been experiencing is writer's block? If I just haven't had anything interesting to say? Maybe it's some sort of seasonal depression? Am I bored of blogging? I don't know what it is, but I just haven't felt inspired to write in a really long time.
Have any of you ever experienced this? Does anyone out there have any tips on how I might be able to get my creative juices flowing again?
What do you do to push through the times when you are struggling?
It wasn't even a personal struggle, in fact it was a blessing. I prayed for something very specific for my children and that prayer was answered.
Still, it is a time of transition, and so as not to sound annoyingly mysterious, I'm going to share with you that my daughter got into our school of choice for Kindergarten.
It's wonderful and exciting, and quite a relief. Choosing a school when you live in a city is not an easy task. In fact, it can be down-right grueling. It's not like it was where I grew up, and everyone just went to the schools that were closest to their homes. This was a much more stressful process.
So, I'm feeling pretty great, very thankful and optimistic for the upcoming school years!
I am just hoping that I am able to do more writing and that this post wakes me out of my funk. I do not know why I am struggling so much. I don't know if what I have been experiencing is writer's block? If I just haven't had anything interesting to say? Maybe it's some sort of seasonal depression? Am I bored of blogging? I don't know what it is, but I just haven't felt inspired to write in a really long time.
Have any of you ever experienced this? Does anyone out there have any tips on how I might be able to get my creative juices flowing again?
What do you do to push through the times when you are struggling?
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Subway to Heaven
Last night, before bed, my daughter told me she missed Isabel.
She doesn't mention her very often, so I'm always taken aback when she does.
She was so little when Isabel was delivered...just two years old, so obviously, I know that she can't really miss her.
That being said, I told her that I missed her too, and then assured her that we would all be together someday in Heaven.
She said, "I don't think so."
I asked, why not?
"Heaven is just too many train rides away, don't ya think?"
She doesn't mention her very often, so I'm always taken aback when she does.
She was so little when Isabel was delivered...just two years old, so obviously, I know that she can't really miss her.
That being said, I told her that I missed her too, and then assured her that we would all be together someday in Heaven.
She said, "I don't think so."
I asked, why not?
"Heaven is just too many train rides away, don't ya think?"
Monday, January 4, 2010
Resolutions for the New Year
I've been giving some thought to the changes I'd like to make this year. I realize most are coming down to wiping out the clutter and excess in my life.
De-cluttering our home is big on my list. As you may have read in my blog post, To Shred or Not to Shred, I've already gone through and shredded our old paperwork. Binging and Purging tells the story of how I've gone through the kids toys, stuffed animals and books.
Now for the rest of the apartment.
The thought of all of this cleaning/downsizing, overwhelms me. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I tend to shut down. A little trick I use to overcome this feeling, is to go through the rooms in our apartment and clean only 10 things at a time. It breaks it down into a smaller and more manageable task, and it works for me. I reminded myself of this little trick this morning while cleaning up the apartment.
As for my desire to wipe out the excess... I've begun by combing through our bills and getting rid of the things that we just don't need or use. We haven't plugged our house phone in since we moved into our apartment 3 years ago, yet we were paying the phone company $30 a month for this service.
Aside from Curb Your Enthusiasm and Flight of the Concords, we don't watch anything on the premium cable channels.....so those are gone now too. It's cheaper to order the whole season of these shows on DVD at Amazon.com, than it is to pay the cable company for this service.
It feels good to take charge of our home.
Next up on my list is to set and reach my goal at Weight Watchers. My goal for the Holidays was to maintain my current weight and I am happy to report that I did!
I'm almost at goal, but the sooner I reach it, the sooner I become what they call a Lifetime Member. Lifetime Members do not have to pay any monthly fees. Aaaah, shedding excess weight and spending at the same time! What a great accomplishment that will be.
What I'd like to focus on this year, that has nothing to do with clutter or excess, is to keep focused on my writing.
As you probably know, I'm a stay at home mom. I actually love it. I'm living my dream! It was always my opinion, that in spite of her in-laws, Debra Barone was living the life! However, the time will come, when I will go back to work, and what I'd really like to do is write.
I've found in times, when I'm struggling with something personal, I don't blog very much. This is because I have clear boundaries of what I will and will not blog about. Which reminds me....I just read my friend Alicia's most recent blog post and loved it. In it she talks about MommyBloggers. Her site is called How I Became a Tattooed Mommy and you can check her out by clicking here.
Anyhow, I'd like to challenge myself to push through and write through those times. Not to write about them, but to challenge myself to blog, in spite of them.
What resolutions have you made for the new year?
De-cluttering our home is big on my list. As you may have read in my blog post, To Shred or Not to Shred, I've already gone through and shredded our old paperwork. Binging and Purging tells the story of how I've gone through the kids toys, stuffed animals and books.
Now for the rest of the apartment.
The thought of all of this cleaning/downsizing, overwhelms me. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I tend to shut down. A little trick I use to overcome this feeling, is to go through the rooms in our apartment and clean only 10 things at a time. It breaks it down into a smaller and more manageable task, and it works for me. I reminded myself of this little trick this morning while cleaning up the apartment.
As for my desire to wipe out the excess... I've begun by combing through our bills and getting rid of the things that we just don't need or use. We haven't plugged our house phone in since we moved into our apartment 3 years ago, yet we were paying the phone company $30 a month for this service.
Aside from Curb Your Enthusiasm and Flight of the Concords, we don't watch anything on the premium cable channels.....so those are gone now too. It's cheaper to order the whole season of these shows on DVD at Amazon.com, than it is to pay the cable company for this service.
It feels good to take charge of our home.
Next up on my list is to set and reach my goal at Weight Watchers. My goal for the Holidays was to maintain my current weight and I am happy to report that I did!
I'm almost at goal, but the sooner I reach it, the sooner I become what they call a Lifetime Member. Lifetime Members do not have to pay any monthly fees. Aaaah, shedding excess weight and spending at the same time! What a great accomplishment that will be.
What I'd like to focus on this year, that has nothing to do with clutter or excess, is to keep focused on my writing.
As you probably know, I'm a stay at home mom. I actually love it. I'm living my dream! It was always my opinion, that in spite of her in-laws, Debra Barone was living the life! However, the time will come, when I will go back to work, and what I'd really like to do is write.
I've found in times, when I'm struggling with something personal, I don't blog very much. This is because I have clear boundaries of what I will and will not blog about. Which reminds me....I just read my friend Alicia's most recent blog post and loved it. In it she talks about MommyBloggers. Her site is called How I Became a Tattooed Mommy and you can check her out by clicking here.
Anyhow, I'd like to challenge myself to push through and write through those times. Not to write about them, but to challenge myself to blog, in spite of them.
What resolutions have you made for the new year?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
A Lesson in Muffin Making
My daughter loves corn muffins, and before going to sleep last night, she told me how she wished she could have one, right then, for a snack.
I remembered that we had some pre-packaged corn muffin mix in the pantry, so I told her we could whip some up for breakfast this morning.
This was the first time while making muffins, that I let her scoop the batter into the muffin tins, all by herself.
It was an interesting experience for me in letting go. She was making a MESS!
I gave her a metal ice cream scoop, thinking it would be the easiest method. I think it was, however, being that she's only 4, not all of the batter was making it inside the muffin part of the tin. Naturally, some was being spilled on the top portion of the pan. She was trying to "fix" this problem by smoothing the batter, with the bottom of the ice cream scoop, on top of the tin.
My first instinct, was to take the scoop out of her little hand and start scooping myself. I held myself back though and simply told her that we were going to have to clean up the spill with a napkin or paper towel instead.
I told her that she was doing a great job, that I was proud of her, and then I started washing the dishes in the sink, so I didn't have to watch.
Overall, she did a great job and most of the batter made it where it was supposed to.
It was an interesting lesson for me, in just letting her be. It's so simple, but how is she going to feel confident, strong and secure in her ability to make the big decisions she'll face in life, or have faith in herself and believe that she can do anything she sets her mind to, if I can't even let her put muffin mix into a tin withoutcriticizing micromanaging?
I believe that the most important and greatest gift, aside from love, that a mom can give her daughter, is to instill and foster in her, a great sense of confidence.
My brother and his girlfriend have a little thing where they ask my daughter, "Who's better than you?" and my daughter shouts, "No one!!!!"
I smile and think to myself, that's right baby girl. No one.
I remembered that we had some pre-packaged corn muffin mix in the pantry, so I told her we could whip some up for breakfast this morning.
This was the first time while making muffins, that I let her scoop the batter into the muffin tins, all by herself.
It was an interesting experience for me in letting go. She was making a MESS!
I gave her a metal ice cream scoop, thinking it would be the easiest method. I think it was, however, being that she's only 4, not all of the batter was making it inside the muffin part of the tin. Naturally, some was being spilled on the top portion of the pan. She was trying to "fix" this problem by smoothing the batter, with the bottom of the ice cream scoop, on top of the tin.
My first instinct, was to take the scoop out of her little hand and start scooping myself. I held myself back though and simply told her that we were going to have to clean up the spill with a napkin or paper towel instead.
I told her that she was doing a great job, that I was proud of her, and then I started washing the dishes in the sink, so I didn't have to watch.
Overall, she did a great job and most of the batter made it where it was supposed to.
It was an interesting lesson for me, in just letting her be. It's so simple, but how is she going to feel confident, strong and secure in her ability to make the big decisions she'll face in life, or have faith in herself and believe that she can do anything she sets her mind to, if I can't even let her put muffin mix into a tin without
I believe that the most important and greatest gift, aside from love, that a mom can give her daughter, is to instill and foster in her, a great sense of confidence.
My brother and his girlfriend have a little thing where they ask my daughter, "Who's better than you?" and my daughter shouts, "No one!!!!"
I smile and think to myself, that's right baby girl. No one.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
It's New Year's day and we'll be heading over to my sisters today to celebrate. Spending New year's Day together is a tradition that we started a few years ago, and I always look forward to it.
It's also a tradition in our family to eat pork on New Year's Day...sometimes it's pork gravy and macaroni, pork chops and sauerkraut, and on our menu today, are breaded pork chops sliced up for sandwiches.
A food we avoid today? Chicken.
My mom always told us that if you eat pork on New Year's Day you'll "eat off the fat of the land." Eat chicken and "you'll scratch all year!" I figure, why jinx ourselves, so I always go for the pork and avoid chicken like the plague.
I just looked up this superstition and found an article that I really enjoyed on Epicurious, entitled, "Lucky Foods for the New Year." They say "the custom of eating pork on New Year's is based on the idea that pigs symbolize progress. The animal pushes forward, rooting itself in the ground before moving".
As for chicken, it is "discouraged because the bird scratches backwards, which could cause regret or dwelling on the past. Another theory warns against eating any winged fowl because good luck could fly away".
Another lucky food that I read about this morning are grapes. Apparantly you are to eat 12 of them on the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve. The tradition started in Spain. Had I known about this last night, I would have been popping grapes last night, like I do Light Lays potato chips!
Luck and money aside, my hope and prayer for my family and yours in this upcoming new year, is that God blesses us all with peace and calm, courage and strength, knowledge and understanding and most of all, with love.
Happy New Year Everyone.
It's also a tradition in our family to eat pork on New Year's Day...sometimes it's pork gravy and macaroni, pork chops and sauerkraut, and on our menu today, are breaded pork chops sliced up for sandwiches.
A food we avoid today? Chicken.
My mom always told us that if you eat pork on New Year's Day you'll "eat off the fat of the land." Eat chicken and "you'll scratch all year!" I figure, why jinx ourselves, so I always go for the pork and avoid chicken like the plague.
I just looked up this superstition and found an article that I really enjoyed on Epicurious, entitled, "Lucky Foods for the New Year." They say "the custom of eating pork on New Year's is based on the idea that pigs symbolize progress. The animal pushes forward, rooting itself in the ground before moving".
As for chicken, it is "discouraged because the bird scratches backwards, which could cause regret or dwelling on the past. Another theory warns against eating any winged fowl because good luck could fly away".
Another lucky food that I read about this morning are grapes. Apparantly you are to eat 12 of them on the stroke of midnight New Year's Eve. The tradition started in Spain. Had I known about this last night, I would have been popping grapes last night, like I do Light Lays potato chips!
Luck and money aside, my hope and prayer for my family and yours in this upcoming new year, is that God blesses us all with peace and calm, courage and strength, knowledge and understanding and most of all, with love.
Happy New Year Everyone.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
To Shred or Not to Shred
What's in the bags? Paperwork. Shredded paperwork to be precise. Four bags full of shredded paperwork that dated back to 2003. Today was part two of the therapeutic clean up, meant to cure my claustrophobia blues, rather, the funk that I've been in, since returning to our city apartment, from my parents house in the suburbs.
The bags hold random paperwork from the Pediatricians describing various vaccines and rashes, Chalazions and Rotovirus. Manuals that belong to electronics that we don't even own anymore, such as the $300 Hoover vaccuum that lasted about a year. This time we went with a tiny $60 Eureka, which I am certain will last at least twice as long.
I saved receipts from the DJ we hired at our wedding to check stubs from when I was working. I was holding on to checkbooks from accounts that have been closed for years to cell phone bills from a company that we switched from years ago.
All gone.
I have to say that it felt really good and I feel like I am making some headway. It was actually pretty fun and I'm thankful that my sister gave me her little shredder when she moved to her new place. It was high time that I actually used it.
A good friend called during my shredding party of one. She had just read my blogpost entitled Binging and Purging and she knew just how I was feeling. We go back and forth on the pros and cons of city vs. suburban life all of the time, as we are both from the burbs.
By the end of our phone call, I knew that I would be feeling better soon, as I always do. In a few days, I will not be able to imagine life anywhere other than here, but until then, I will continue to clean.
The best part, is that I will have a perfectly uncluttered apartment once I'm there.
Perhaps I will do some shopping to celebrate!!!!
Just Kidding.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Binging and Purging
We arrived back to our city apartment on Sunday afternoon, after the kids and I spent a week at my parents house in the suburbs for Christmas. I was so depressed. I started putting the kids toys away and wondered where I was going to store all of their new toys. I started to open and put away my Christmas presents from my parents, one of which was a Temptations bowl set from QVC, which I absolutely love, and I began to get teary. Where was I going to find room for these? I took it a bit further and got upset that I have no counter space for the Kitchenaid I want, for all of the baking I intend for my daughter and I to do, trying out all of the new recipes from all of our new cookbooks.
In an instant, I climbed up on a chair in the kitchen and removed a set of margarita glasses and a pitcher from the top shelf of the cubbard and I threw them in a garbage bag. A couple of unused vases and random pottery were casualties of my kitchen clean up as well. Since the margarita set was only used once since I received it 6 years ago, it HAD TO GO! The one and only time I used it wasn't even for drinks. I used it to put the chocolate covered pretzels in it, that I made for the Dora The Explorer themed Birthday party I had thrown for my daughter's 3rd Birthday.
We don't live like "normal" people, I cried to my sister. Yes, poor Joannie got to be on the receiving end of a phone call I made describing my claustrophobia. "We live in the city" she said, and began describing how all of us that do, are for the most part, all in the same boat. I cried to my mother too. They both offered helpful advice to talk me down from the ledge.
So, yesterday, my daughter and I went through all of the old toys and stuffed animals in their playroom. We emptied the ZOO, and she told me which stuffed animals and dolls were most important to her to keep. We gathered some old books and toys to be donated, and are choosing a few to keep at Grandma and Pop Pop's house for when we stay with them.... One of 3 pull toys, one of two toy phones, 3 of many stuffed toys...you get the picture. We made a huge dent but still have more to go.
I started going through some of my closets and drawers too and I threw out 3 huge black garbage bags full of stuff we don't use. I'm ordering more super slim hangers from Bed Bath and Beyond today and will continue to empty out closets and drawers.
Next and most painful step..... going through the kids baby items that I can't seem to let go of. The crib monitor, the crib sheets, co-sleeper covers, my Boppy, the baby bottles, blankets....I'm getting all teary as I write this. So, perhaps I will save that for another day, when I'm not feeling so sad.
In an instant, I climbed up on a chair in the kitchen and removed a set of margarita glasses and a pitcher from the top shelf of the cubbard and I threw them in a garbage bag. A couple of unused vases and random pottery were casualties of my kitchen clean up as well. Since the margarita set was only used once since I received it 6 years ago, it HAD TO GO! The one and only time I used it wasn't even for drinks. I used it to put the chocolate covered pretzels in it, that I made for the Dora The Explorer themed Birthday party I had thrown for my daughter's 3rd Birthday.
We don't live like "normal" people, I cried to my sister. Yes, poor Joannie got to be on the receiving end of a phone call I made describing my claustrophobia. "We live in the city" she said, and began describing how all of us that do, are for the most part, all in the same boat. I cried to my mother too. They both offered helpful advice to talk me down from the ledge.
So, yesterday, my daughter and I went through all of the old toys and stuffed animals in their playroom. We emptied the ZOO, and she told me which stuffed animals and dolls were most important to her to keep. We gathered some old books and toys to be donated, and are choosing a few to keep at Grandma and Pop Pop's house for when we stay with them.... One of 3 pull toys, one of two toy phones, 3 of many stuffed toys...you get the picture. We made a huge dent but still have more to go.
I started going through some of my closets and drawers too and I threw out 3 huge black garbage bags full of stuff we don't use. I'm ordering more super slim hangers from Bed Bath and Beyond today and will continue to empty out closets and drawers.
Next and most painful step..... going through the kids baby items that I can't seem to let go of. The crib monitor, the crib sheets, co-sleeper covers, my Boppy, the baby bottles, blankets....I'm getting all teary as I write this. So, perhaps I will save that for another day, when I'm not feeling so sad.
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